To wonder what my babies behaviour now will mean for him later

[Cookiecupcake]

I have two ds.. 8 months and 2 years old.

My youngest is Soooooo different to ds1. Will just cry if I'm not engaged with him or holding him or just looking at him. My ds1 was a very curious, independant, easy going type of baby.

Anyone else had these contrasting personality types in their little ones and out of interest what are their personalities like now older?

I'm just curious if my youngest will be more prone to anxiety or whether it's just standard differing baby behaviour. Apparently my brother was clingy and he has a lot of anxiety issues and social awkwardness etc

My baby was a velcro baby and refused independent play until she was 6. Now she's a very secure and confident child, doesn't mind if she's away from me, I've seen very little evidence of anxiety.

I hope there's no correlation but does make me wonder. I was a very clingy child to my mum and do have social anxiety and awkwardness. My baby is only 6 months but also a velcro baby so far. I'm taking him to lots of baby groups in the hope he won't be like me!

My advice is to parent the child you have. Meet their needs in the way they need.

The chances are your second will always be slower to approach new things, it's quite a persistent trait. But if you support him, let him be who he is, work with him to push himself a little but not too much, always be there as a safe place to return, chances are he'll grow into himself.

I think it's the fighting their nature which makes it difficult. Pushing them into the pool IYSWIM.

My eldest was a very chilled baby. Younger one was very highly strung and wanted to be held all the time. They're both lovely as teenagers. The highly strung one isn't any more. She has very good social skills. The older one less so but she's still lovely.

One of mine was clingy and nervous, lasted into the teens. Then it all changed, they've worked and travelled all over the world, worked one to one with mentally ill people who have killed and happy to deal with anything and everything.

The other 3, all confident happy babies/children haven't done half as much.

You really can't predict at this age, not for years and years.

Ha, never heard the term 'velcro baby' before! That's definitely what he is bless him.

Interesting from both takes. Perhaps there is no correlation at all, perhaps there is, perhaps we'll never know.. just interesting to hear other people's stories.

Funny thing is he loves other people and isn't shy at all he just hates it when he has no attention or is left to his own devices or put down. Makes looking after 2 lo's way more challenging especially when not used to this kind of behaviour from his brother!

By all accounts, I was a very clingy and shy child until I was 5. Then came out of my shell. It still takes me a bit of time to warm up with new people or in new social sitations, but I'm confident and outgoing at work.

Mine are the other way around. Even now at 3 he is more demanding than the baby ever was. He needs a lot of input and is quite sensitive. Nothing bad. Just different.

My DC2 was a very happy baby, very peaceful, slept well - they were happy years. As a young teen now they are only truly content in their own company and are so self-conscious that they struggle to enjoy anything. But when alone or just with us, that relaxed baby behaviour comes back and we can see them decompress. They just don’t enjoy people.
DC1 was a cranky baby and now, as an older teen, they handle pressure exceptionally well and are very independent.
They both take the “nurture” out of the nature/nurture debate!
Our NDNs have 2 lovely DCs who are siblings to 1 shockingly behaved, boundary- challenging, jaw-droppingly self-absorbed trouble-maker. I’ve often wanted to ask if there were early signs.

@drawacircleroundit its such an interesting concept isn't it. If traits we display early on and semi set for life.
My mum always says that even though me and my brother have evolved with age of course our core beings have always remained the same. To her at least.

I honestly wouldn’t worry.

DD1 was a horrific baby - didn’t sleep, refused naps and went ballistic when anyone else tried to speak to her. We have left so many playdates, picnics, bbqs etc because she just howled relentlessly through them.

Suddenly at around 18mo she just changed almost overnight. She started speaking fluently in sentences and from that moment on became the most sociable child ever. At 3.5 she’s still highly strung, doesn’t get enough sleep and cannot entertain herself for more than five minutes, but she’s also very bright (according to preschool), kind and we can take her to any social event.

So it may well all change for you soon anyway. Even if it doesn’t I’ve seen plenty of anxious, nervy children start reception class and leave Year 6 happy and confident (I’m a primary teacher).

My daughters are now 11 & 14.
the eldest didn’t like being touched even as a baby. She was quite happy to play alone as a toddler & has never been clingy. The only time she comes close to hugging me now is if she’s ill, & then she just lies on top of me on the sofa. Which ks a bit odd, but I take what I can get 😊. It’s my birthday tomorrow, wonder if I’ll get a hug?

My youngest was a very clingy baby. I couldn’t put her down, she wasn’t happy unless I was holding her. She didn’t even like her dad holding her, had to be me. Was very stressful cooking tea to the sounds of a screaming baby!

At 11, she sits right next to me every night on the sofa. Holds my hand when we’re out & about. She doesn’t have to be with me all the time, but does need to know where in the house I am.

I do think she’s a bit old to be holding my hand, but even if we see kids from school, she doesn’t care.

My two are like chalk and cheese...now 12 and 6 . Eldest was quite independent, slept well ,entertained herself but is now quite shy,however shes quite chilled out and laid back. She has close friends but prefers adult company. Youngest is a whirlwind, she never slept unless I held her, wouldn't play on her own at all,she's quite hardwork actually. If her friends arent out to play at the park, her dad has to play barbies with her constantly but she is extremely outgoing and confident, loud and playful.she makes friends easily (which her teacher says is her downfall as she's the class distraction 😂) never met two girls who are so different!

It's such an interesting subject.My daughter was a fiercely bad tempered and independent toddler who really was challenging to parent but totally cooperative with authority figures. She now works as a trader and those same attributes have been tempered but are quite important in her work. My quieter more reflective daughter is a psychologist. They're probably unusual stereotypes of carrying through your childhood traits to adulthood but they were such remarkably different children.My trader daughter has a 1 yr old boy and his nursery constantly comments on the huge strength of will he has and I think we all know how to decipher that.
I think nature definitely plays a significant part in our personalities.

My sister, who was the second, was a very timid and shy baby and child and I’m sure was a Velcro baby. Then in her mid teens she went on a school trip to a distant and very interesting country, got the travel bug, and found her independence. She spent her 20s living and working in all sorts of interesting places across the world, then returned home in her 30s, married a lovely man, had kids and started a job she loves. You’d never have guessed from knowing her as a child. Don’t worry.

My velcro baby is 18 she is confident and able to do what she wants. Lived abroad for 2 years from 16-8 with my sister but still abroad.

My confident happy baby is the one with anxiety and my shy and not sure about the world unless he really knew every one is Mr social and easy easy company

Its IMO nothing to do with how they are as a baby

Yes.
My DC1 was a very uptight baby/toddler. Not an incessant crier, but would be upset by any minor inconvenience 😂 She’s 7 now, and very much the same. She feels every emotion to it’s max, which is amazing when she’s happy about something!
DC2 was a mischief maker from the get go, and has followed that through his life so far. He sees the fun in absolutely everything and always has - even as a baby, he would make a game out the the most unexciting thing, and act like he’s discovered the lightbulb 😂
DC3 is the most chilled out, unflappable kid I’ve ever come across. Like she has an inner chilled out surfer dude that controls her emotions. She’s been like that from newborn - almost like she’s just happy to be here and nothing phases her. Even entering the typical toddler tantrum phase, I was expecting to see a shift, but it didn’t happen. I can count on one hand the amount of proper tantrums she’s had. It’s like a tantrum isn’t worth the effort to her 😂

I think the anxiety arises from trying to separate them before they are ready. 0

My outgoing, alert, chatterbox (and quite tabtrummy, hard work!) toddler/young child is now a very laid back, reflective, fairly quiet young man.

My quiet but very easygoing, smiley, hardly-ever-cried baby is a very energetic, outgoing, demanding and stroppy teenage girl.

They grow and change. Their baby selves don’t necessarily mean anything, in my experience.