What was this?? (Potentially triggering)

[Summerzz123]

Hi,

I am now in my 30s and have been reflecting a bit after some work conversations- mainly around sexual encounters as a you female.

The first time I had sex, I was 16, but the whole situation was not what I probably would choose and have questions about it and others opinions.

So we had been at a house party, I was very drunk. There was an older guy- around about 30- who was the son of some teachers at our school (random). Anyway, he ended ip taking me to someone’s house along the street (I still don’t know whose house it was). We kissed etc and he kept trying to have sex, I kept saying no. Eventually we ended up having sex because I felt like I really didn’t have much choice but he also ended up ‘finishing’ on my face and I couldn’t find my underwear anywhere and had to leave and wander home without. I don’t know if he kept the underwear.

I didn’t tell anyone and have been humiliated by the experience ever since. I’m worried that my own kids could go through something similar.

Would you say this is an example of being take advantage of?

Yes. Everything about this is you being taken advantage of, from you being extremely drunk to him being so much older than you, to him pressuring you into sex and then doing something that plenty of people probably wouldn’t even consent to in an established relationship.

I’m very sorry. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to someone about it?

Oh my Gosh, you poor thing. I'd go one step further and say that this was sexual assault. Have you considered getting help to work though your feelings and what happened?

He's definitely taken advantage of you. None of this was your fault. You really need to speak to someone about this.
.

Thanks for the replies. I do think I was taken advantage of but I have also
felt like it was somewhat my fault and perhaps I was over thinking it..but maybe not.

I’ll think about talking to someone about it, I’m just unsure how comfortable I am with that. I do know it has definitely affected the way I approached and sexual relationship since though. I think I lost some self respect that day when I was beating myself up for allowing it to happen. Obviously with this being discussed more recently, it has left me ruminating.

thanks again

Yes, you were taken advantage of in this situation.

“I kept saying no”
So it was rape.

You were assaulted and raped, yes. I’m so sorry about that.

but I don’t know what good it will do you now to reflect on this now, 14 years later. You feel the way you feel, so I don’t know how helpful a “title” is from strangers on the internet. Perhaps more targeting personal support in the form of counselling might be of more benefit.

Yes, you were taken advantage of, I'd even go so far to say that would be classed as rape nowadays. Disgusting pig I'm sorry OP.

Omg OP you have been sexually assaulted and yes I'd say raped. I'd be trying to talk this through with a trained professional in this area to give you somewhere to say how you felt then and feel now. I'm so sorry this has obviously been on your mind please seek professional help.

What a fucking disgusting creep of a man. I’d call it rape too and you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. You weren’t responsible for what happened at all. You were just a kid, he was a grown adult man.
Im so sorry that happened to you. X