To keep this money?

[Noty]

I'm NC with my parent, many reasons but all are valid. I've had to cut off aunt in the process because she doesn't respect my choice to go NC and continually stirs the pot by reporting back to said parent. She's played her part in causing alot of agro hence wanting 0 to do with her anymore.

Her mobile number is blocked which she also refuses to respect as I've had about 3 chatty voicemails left in as many days.

I had an appointment yesterday and had a call from DH on my way home saying my aunt had been round asking to see me and DC, DH explained I wasn't home and didnt invite her in. DC were at the door and she gave them £50 in notes between them. DH tried to hand it back but she insisted.

I know what it is, it's a 'hoover' and done with the assumption that I will now feel obliged to recommence contact and all will be forgotten.

I have no intention of breaking NC so WIBU to keep this money and let the DC have it? We have a little UK break coming up that we saved really hard for and I figured I may well let the DC keep it as spending money..

Can the bridges truly not be repaired ?

Not without me sacrificing alot of peace no. There's always drama, backhanded compliments, undermining. I just don't want it in my life anymore.

Well, you can't return it without breaking the NC, and as your are NC that's the end of the matter for you.

She gave the gift to your DCs, if she wanted it to have strings attached then that's on her.
Hopefully when she insisted your DH or the DCs said thank you, so no need for further contact to thank either.

She gave it to the kids not to you, so it’s theirs. I wouldn’t even think of giving it back.

Send if back by post.

People who impose gifts on you don’t get to decide how you should react.

Carry right on ignoring her.

She’s chosen to give gifts to your kids, not to you. So your kids can just enjoy the extra cash.

Personally I would not accept money for my children from someone I was not prepared to have a relationship with. I know you were not there to refuse it at the time but you can send it back. If you send it back by cheque it will be up to her whether she cashed the cheque or not. If she cashed the cheque it is presumably because she realizes the relationship is broken and can't be repaired. If she doesn't cash it then she wishes your children to have the money with no strings attached .. presumably because she is fond of the children.

She gave it to your dc… it’s not your money to give back really.

let the children keep it, don’t feel obligated in any way. I went nc with my mum in 2019, she sent large sums of money, via my db, for my dc at Christmas, I let them keep it and didn’t contact her. She has never sent them so much as a birthday card since.

Btw, my dc rang her to say thank you and sent her flowers for Mother’s Day. I had feed back from other family members that she thought I should have contacted her to say thanks 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does the aunt realise that you've cut her off too if she's turning up at your door? Also, I'm not sure how leaving voicemails is failing to "respect" you - if a number is blocked it will go straight to voicemail. If she doesn't know you've done it then she's not disrespecting you really.

Not respect me per se but respect the fact I don't want any contact. Its pretty shitty to continue to contact people when they've said they want space.

1dontunderstand that money was without a doubt used as a carrot to lure you back in. Well done for seeing it for what it was.

Get the money and put it in an envelope and send back to her

Install a ring doorbell

Ignore her