Pissed off

[notimpressed1]

Extremely pissed off! Stepdaughter starts new job.. not mI5 as far as I'm aware ... calls her dad to ask MY DOB, place of birth , addresses past and present, employment, past surnames used ..also his info . Apparently for her security chks. Pissed off I wasn't asked , pissed off as to why they want this just pissed off!! I don't live with her, I have never lived with her I have seen her 5x in two yrs so why should they require my info! I asked dh if he gave my bank details and NI he said I'd not do that I said why not U have all my other stuff!!

Please don't be precious about this.

It's pretty standard in a lot of jobs. You may not have seen her much over the years but you live with her Dad so that makes you relevant. Fair enough to perhaps be a bit annoyed (although I still don't personally get why you would be) but being "extremely pissed off" is a massive overreaction.

I've put my Mum's and Stepdad's details down multiple times as emergency contacts for things (address, phone number etc) and never asked them first. They've never minded because why would they?

I asked dh if he gave my bank details and NI he said I'd not do that I said why not U have all my other stuff!!

This is also very dramatic and childish - clearly there's a big difference between giving your DOB and occupation than there is bank details and NI number which could be used for fraud 🙄

If you liked her, would you still have been pissed off?

This is really standard for lots of roles, and perfectly reasonable that while she was on the phone to her dad she asked him to provide the information rather than put the phone down and make a seperate call to you. And from your reaction I can fully understand why she didn't want to, especially as you would have provided it anyway. What exactly is the issue? Sounds like you're looking for reasons to create drama to me.

You should have been asked directly. At the very least from your husband. This is very rude

I don't think it would've bothered me if my DSD had needed my details to secure a job. Let's face it, half of it is probably out in the digital ether somewhere anyway.

YABU. Standard ask in a lot of jobs (particularly public sector / civil service). Yes, the courteous thing would have been for DH to ask you but your reaction is clearly about your views on your step daughter than whether it's unreasonable. Get some perspective and don't create unnecessary drama or upset over something incredibly minor.

YABVU
Are you often irrationally angry?

I have never heard of this! And for that reason, I think I would feel exactly the same as you OP. Myself and DH have only ever needed to put down our own details, and standard references etc. Seems really strange to me even though people are saying otherwise.