To ask for your stories on a 4th child…

[AnonyMum22]

Myself and my husband have three children. We’re both 37 this year. Eldest child is 13, youngest is 7. After a recent pregnancy scare, I’ve found myself unbelievably broody which is totally unexpected. It’s literally all I can think about! Husband doesn’t want anymore as he says going from 3 to 4 would be chaos - car etc - and that we are pretty much out of baby/toddler territory now and it would be much more difficult starting again. I just wondered whether anyone had any similar stories of going from 3 to 4 after a gap and did you regret it/find it much harder?

I’ve found it incredibly difficult. We had a 7 year age gap between our youngest and now 3yo dc, and trying to keep everyone happy is just so difficult. Our oldest was 15 when he was born, so we already had big age gaps. I’m your age now and I’m just permanently knackered. It didn’t help that our youngest had a milk allergy which went undiagnosed for months, so we had a constantly screaming baby 24/7. Just back from holiday which has only magnified the age gaps and difficulties in trying to entertain everyone. The broodiness before I had him was awful. I’m definitely cured of it now! You’ll get lots of people telling you to go for it. I’d caution you to think about the bigger picture and the effect on your existing dc. I’m just starting to deal with what’s considered quite an early peri menopause, and the combination of that with a constantly on the go toddler has just about done me in.

I haven’t done 3-4 but my 2-3 was a similar gap (dd1 10, dd2 7 when ds1 was born) It is really tricky in terms of we have essentially lost out on 1.5 years of our older 2’s life whilst attempting to bring up the third. We just can’t do the same things that we used to (family theme park trips, go ape, cinema trips, aqua parks etc) as there was always one left out.

this hasn’t impacted hugely on the older 2, but my relationship with my husband has had to take a back seat as we just don’t get to spend the same amount of time together!

I mean this nicely, but other people's experiences are irrelevant. Your husband doesn't want any more children. Put it out of your mind.

I'm the youngest by a six year game, the others close in age!

It's shit and I was left out of everything and seen as a pain in the neck because I held everyone back.

Your husband doesn't want another, so don't do it.

I've got 2 and that's enough for me in terms of the house, the car, and financially with the cost of living going up I think it could get worse for people moneywise

My best friend has 2 kids age 7 and 6 they get on great

She also has a 1 year old and this baby has just added chaos to the mix and her partner didn't want another one but she did and then he left her while she was pregnant and so she's on her own with 3 kids now

I'd quit while your ahead!

I have four DC. 15, 12, nearly 7yo and nearly 5yo. I had two sets of DC with DH. We left a big gap before having DC3, then didn't want DC3 to be lonely!🤦🏻 So we had DC4. No regrets. They are a great bunch together.

I’d just like other peoples opinions as to the things that are concerning him ie the large age gap. He actually said if I really wanted another then he would but I also worry about the impact but just wanted impartial stories from people in the same boat.

Thank you this was genuinely helpful as your situation is very similar! The bloodiness is crazy but then I said to my husband is this because my brain knows it hasn’t got long left to have more if that makes sense.

As the oldest of 4, I wouldn’t my youngest sister is 13 year younger than me. I loathed her, I felt pushed out as as a teenager I don’t feel I got the support I needed as my mum was too busy with the little two. I still as an adult don’t have much of a relationship with the younger two as I left home as early as possible! Not helped by the baby being the golden child.

We’re your age and have just had DC4 with an 8 year age gap. It’s only been a few weeks but so far (sleep deprivation aside) it’s been lovely. The other children were anxious / jealous during my pregnancy but are now totally in love with the baby and really enjoy asking questions about how they were when they were babies and are very proud and protective. I’m really enjoying it; in lots of ways it feels like having a first baby again as I have time to sit and cuddle the baby as they’re not toddlers and can all help out around the house and I have time alone with the baby when they’re at school. I’ve also had more time to concentrate on them- as in sitting and doing an activity or just chatting - when I’m feeding the baby I’m a captive audience and am not constantly multi tasking as usual. However it’s better than a first baby because I know what I’m doing and am a lot less anxious. My only concern ongoing is that the baby will feel a bit excluded as they all grow older but in my experience of three children (and being one of three myself) somebody is always feeling hard done by anyway 😂

4th is nicest, was easiest, most like us parents, & seems to gets along well (better than with each other) with all the others.

I have four but my gaps are much smaller - less than 2yrs between them. I was 36 when No4 was born. I actually could not have coped with getting all the early baby stuff essentially done and then going back and doing it all again.

I like having them close in age because then we are not having to choose between toddler friendly and tween/teen friendly and probably ultimately pleasing no-one. Only you know if it could work for your family

My older two DC are a great support to the younger two. Have no desire to have any more - 40 soon!

Not an easy decision by any means. Especially at the moment with the cost of living increasing...

Had my youngest aged 34, no desire to go through it all again. That ship has sailed. DH had snip when youngest was 6mo.

Your dh is saying no, so what more is there to consider. I personally think you would be crazy. You will have teens soon and they need attention as well. 4 is alot in any case.

We have 5, but no big age gaps. I think that’s the tough bit, not the number of children. It looks exhausting to deal with

Its impossible to find holidays, we have been looking and it's usually you have to book 2 rooms.

We have ended up with caravan holidays in the uk

This is an important point to consider. We have recently been on a UK holiday and had a double and two twin rooms in our apartment. Not easy to find.

I have 4 children but the age gap between dc1 and dc4 is exactly 8 years and there is a 3 year age gap between dc3 and dc4.

I found the transition between dc3 and dc4 the easiest BUT we are very fortunate in our set up. I do not work anymore and we already had 2 x cars with 7 seats and a big enough house not to compromise the other children I.e. none of them have to share if they don’t want to.

I am pretty organized but I do have the time to be but life is very busy with multiple sports matches/homework/projects/parties etc..so I do feel like I’m constantly rushing but it works.

My age gap is closer but the 8 years between dc1 and dc4 does make it hard as it’s tricky to give dc4 (she is now almost 5 years old) a lot of attention during the week and she does get dragged around to watch sports fixtures etc..my younger 3 are all girls and, although they fight, they do play a lot together..

We do always have to book 2 rooms when going on holiday which is something else you need to think about..