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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Feel Used by Selfish "Friend"

30 replies

CarrotsAreYummy · 02/08/2022 17:34

I moved in with my aunt and uncle a few months ago on a short-term basis. They are an amazing and kind-hearted couple. They took me in after I split from my baby's father. Their home is luxurious; swimming pool, spa, fully equipped gym, library, cinema, stables. You get the picture? I invited a friend to visit me for a few days. We have been friends for approx. 8 years but not actually met up for the past 2 years. I felt thrilled to be able to meet her again but I want to end our friendship now that she has visited. Why? Because she has ignored me the whole time and I can't wait for her to leave. I thought we would spend some time doing things together and some time each doing our own thing however she spends her days using the facilities and taking selfies. She chats to my aunt and uncle, mainly discussing what she can use next, and doesn't include me in her conversations. She cooks her meals whenever she wants to and then refuses to join us for dinner because she is "full". I told her that it would be nice if she postponed her evening meal so that we could all eat together but she ignored this.
I invited her here to spend time with me (I didn't tell her about the facilities) but now I feel used and that she has embarrassed me in front of my aunt and uncle. I jokingly said that her selfies show her spending time using the facilities but none show her spending time with me. Her reply was, "It is MY holiday".

I will soon be moving into my new home and she has said that she will be "round there all the time". She already knows my new address but I don't want her there. I want to end the friendship when she goes home in a few days' time. AIBU to feel like this? Also, what is an effective way to end this friendship and what should I say to my aunt and uncle re: her embarrassing behaviour? Please help.

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 02/08/2022 17:37

I would tell her to pack up and leave now, that she isnt welcome anymore after such unfriendly and selfish behaviour. This will also have the effect of ending the relationship and showing your nice Aunt and Uncle that you understood that you and they were being used and that you wont have it.

mintich · 02/08/2022 17:38

Exactly what @seatosky said. Move her on now

Leeds2 · 02/08/2022 17:42

What have your aunt and uncle said about her behaviour?

StoneofDestiny · 02/08/2022 17:47

Say goodbye fast and tell your aunt and uncle she is being obnoxious to you and you don't want to go into details

dudsville · 02/08/2022 17:48

That's a shame, it's hard when you learn something hard to square about an otherwise seemingly good friend. I think tie first nice should be to two with your aunt and uncle, they're the ones hosting her and it could be hard to cut a visit short of they aren't onside, for example I can understand wanting to cut it short but I wouldn't personally given the details here. I absolutely agree with you though that it would end the friendship for me.

WombaMaPonga · 02/08/2022 17:52

I think her eating separately is really rude and insulting to you and your A&U
It's not a holiday as such it's a visit to see a friend
Some people get overwhelmed by wealth, she sounds a bit immature TBH
I don't understand why she thinks she'll be round there all the time when you're not living there
It's their home not a hotel, dopey mare 🙄

EilidhEli · 02/08/2022 17:53

She sounds like she has absolutely zero self awareness.

Just find a way to make her having to leave about you and your baby. That you now realise that you need some time and space as you get back on your feet. Like if you were breaking up with someone. It is never about them it is always about something not working for you.

She will probably strop but that isn’t your problem, she certainly had no problem making you feel uncomfortable.

Sparkletastic · 02/08/2022 17:54

Come on OP. Take control. Ask her to leave.

CourtneeLuv · 02/08/2022 17:56

dudsville · 02/08/2022 17:48

That's a shame, it's hard when you learn something hard to square about an otherwise seemingly good friend. I think tie first nice should be to two with your aunt and uncle, they're the ones hosting her and it could be hard to cut a visit short of they aren't onside, for example I can understand wanting to cut it short but I wouldn't personally given the details here. I absolutely agree with you though that it would end the friendship for me.

Why wouldn't you tell her to leave? Confused I would.

ChocolateCakeYum · 02/08/2022 17:58

Kick her the f out.

britneyisfree · 02/08/2022 18:20

Tell her to go!!!!

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 02/08/2022 18:34

Yes, tell her to leave. You’ve already decided you are going to end the friendship. That way, it kills two birds with one stone and you don’t have to have that awkward conversation too.

Justleaveitblankthen · 02/08/2022 18:52

In the nicest possible way, throw her the fuck out.

Let us know how it goes 🍿

Beautiful3 · 02/08/2022 19:07

Can't you explain that, because she hasn't spent any time with you, it would be best to leave. Or if you cannot say that, then, I'm moving out next week, on x date. Which day do you want to leave, before then?

Beautiful3 · 02/08/2022 19:09

In regards to the new home. Get a ring door bell, and ignore her.

WulyJmpr · 02/08/2022 19:11

Wow the things you read on here. Just ask her to go. It's not an all expenses paid hotel trip. I mean wtf!

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/08/2022 19:15

Tell her to sling her hook now.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 02/08/2022 19:19

Why are you letting her treat you and family like this? She needs to leave asap!

Herejustforthisone · 02/08/2022 19:47

“Get your shit and get the fuck out of my family’s home, you shallow, self-centred twat.”

FOJN · 02/08/2022 19:54

If you're planning to end the friendship when she leaves then why wait, spare yourself the extra days of her rude company. Tell her she has been rude, you would like her to leave and never contact you again.

OriginalUsername2 · 02/08/2022 20:03

Speak to your Aunt and Uncle first. Maybe one of them can have a wise word with her about how she’s treating you.

Luxa · 02/08/2022 21:00

Tell her you invited her to spend time with you because you thought you were friends. The deal was that she visited you as a human being, not a passport to treating your relative's home as a hotel and ignoring you. Then tell her she has 1 hour to pack up and call a taxi.

yougotthelook · 02/08/2022 21:06

CarrotsAreYummy · 02/08/2022 17:34

I moved in with my aunt and uncle a few months ago on a short-term basis. They are an amazing and kind-hearted couple. They took me in after I split from my baby's father. Their home is luxurious; swimming pool, spa, fully equipped gym, library, cinema, stables. You get the picture? I invited a friend to visit me for a few days. We have been friends for approx. 8 years but not actually met up for the past 2 years. I felt thrilled to be able to meet her again but I want to end our friendship now that she has visited. Why? Because she has ignored me the whole time and I can't wait for her to leave. I thought we would spend some time doing things together and some time each doing our own thing however she spends her days using the facilities and taking selfies. She chats to my aunt and uncle, mainly discussing what she can use next, and doesn't include me in her conversations. She cooks her meals whenever she wants to and then refuses to join us for dinner because she is "full". I told her that it would be nice if she postponed her evening meal so that we could all eat together but she ignored this.
I invited her here to spend time with me (I didn't tell her about the facilities) but now I feel used and that she has embarrassed me in front of my aunt and uncle. I jokingly said that her selfies show her spending time using the facilities but none show her spending time with me. Her reply was, "It is MY holiday".

I will soon be moving into my new home and she has said that she will be "round there all the time". She already knows my new address but I don't want her there. I want to end the friendship when she goes home in a few days' time. AIBU to feel like this? Also, what is an effective way to end this friendship and what should I say to my aunt and uncle re: her embarrassing behaviour? Please help.

Pack her bags
Ring her a taxi
Kick her the fuck out!

ChinnyTroubles · 02/08/2022 21:13

Well, the advice you asked for seems pretty unanimous!

Are you going to follow it @CarrotsAreYummy ?

Original poster
CarrotsAreYummy · 04/08/2022 00:32

Thanks to all who responded to my plea. @ChinnyTroubles yes, I have followed the unanimous advice. I told her that she needed to leave. She was furious and said she would never speak to me again. Problem solved!

OP posts: