Birthday clashes

[Selfdoubtingmum]

DD birthday is coming up, the first one she gets to celebrate with family and friends, not just mum n dad.

Cousin, same age and birthday a few days before is visiting from overseas. She's celebrated her birthday with friends back home and will be celebrating her birthday on the day with family in the UK.

MIL has decided although she will be spending time with cousin on her birthday and days after, will be save her birthday gifts until she gets to our home, she's bringing a cake and gifts to our house and having a birthday party for cousin the day before our DDs birthday in our home.

I think this is weird, a little unfair on both children, withholding gifts from one, confusing both celebrations and children and detracting from DDs day.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable and rejecting his family by voicing this opinion to him.

AIBU to think this?

Totally depends on age but can you not just have a joint party? How lovely to have their birthdays so close together, they’re both the grandchildren. Weird having two parties a day apart for kids the same age with presumably the same people there, yes. Also someone else doesn’t get to host a party in your home without your permission but your dh is her dad so if he wants to then you need to have that conversation with him.

Presumably she’s turning 3 or 4? Sure, it’s annoying for you and a bit weird of your mother in law but your DD won’t know what to expect except from what you tell her, so if you tell her she’s having an amazing joint party with cousin or gets to go to two parties in two days, one for cousin and one for her, and isn’t that fabulous, she’ll be fine.

What do cousin’s parents think of this idea? I expect MIL is trying, slightly cackhandedly, to ensure cousin feels part of the family, gets to celebrate with you, is included etc given she lives abroad.

They are 3, so first party they really understand what's going on (ish).

Other child has had multiple birthday parties, parents have been able to celebrate birthday previous years as no lockdown/isolation rules in their country of residence.

Only people not present at cousins actual birthday part this year is DD, DH and I.

Happy to have joint birthday party on another day but not on my daughters actual birthday, in her home, when she/I have never had the opportunity to share her birthday celebration with others before. I would like her day to be about her.

DH OKed MIL to do the party at our home the day before DDs before discussing it.

I would just have a separate party for her/your friends and then a family celebration with her family. Or suggest that they make the cousin family party the official family party and have dd's family presents a bit early. What does cousin's parents think of the plan? Three parties for one birthday sounds a little excessive.

Don't think MIL has discussed it with cousins parents, DH had brief conversations with them the other day and they just said not thought past their DD birthday and MIL has arranged the rest of their visit.

I will be discussing with DD we're having 2 parties over 2 days, one for her cousin, then one for her, just hope they don't try to steal each others bday presents (will be fun trying to explain who the first party is for your cousin we've never met before)