To be messed up after divorce

[Robinkitty]

STBEX DH left me suddenly about 4 months ago. Initially I was in a bad place but working hard so kept going and going. Lots of crying and holding on until bedtime so I could let it go. I’m now at the stage where I’m overtaken by this numbness I can’t explain, I spend a lot of time staring into space like a functioning zombie, no concentration and feel like I’m holding my breath. Is this normal? Will it get better?

It absolutely will get better. It does take time though and I found it's not a linear process. I spent ages in the 'snot and dressing gown' phase and had a stint on antidepressants. Bit by bit it gets easier and life will be good again

Yes it is normal. Its a horrible thing to go through. I had to take medication for anxiety. I wanted to die. Three years later I realised it was the best ever outcome and I'm happy and free. You will get over this.

It’s a sort of grief. It will get better 💐

Thank you, those words are really kind.

It's funny, OP- not funny haha but peculiar funny. I was watching this documentary about the Jews of Baghdad... thousands of years of history just gone by the 1970s. It got to a stage where it was too hostile an environment for the Jews to stay in their homeland. Great documentary, by the way.
But there was a part where the son, now around 60 years old, was describing his mother sitting in the living room, making these traditional Iraqi dolls, while the writing was on the very walls tumbling down in real-time: Their lives were falling apart, fleeing was the only option for survival, and this woman is sitting there in her home, built upon the soil where her mother's mother's mother's mother's mother walked and lived and died... and she was catatonic, is the sense I got.
And I thought, 'that's me'. Sort of. I mean, I don't have to flee the ancient land of my people and my people aren't facing catastrophe or persecution. But that sense of being unable to move from where I've been fixed for so long was something I could relate to. Yes, to put it as concisely as CousellorTroi, it is grief. It is trauma. Acceptance is inevitable and welcome!
I filed for divorce last October 1st.
My decree nisi just came through last week and now it's time for me to apply for the decree absolute. I will do it. And I want this divorce, God knows.
But I seem to be stuck in this strange catatonia where I am not seeing friends, ghosting them in fact for months now, and I'd rather do dishes, do laundry, mop the floor, hang around on MN for far too many hours than actually face the reality that I have no choice but to keep unravelling the 'make-believe' my marriage was. I feel like I'm undoing a badly knitted jumper and trying to roll up the wool into a tidy ball which I'll eventually discard somewhere.
This is my second divorce, OP. I'm skilled at this. 😁What I do hang onto is knowing that you do reach that day where you can actually exuberantly enjoy life again! I've been there before and I know that I'll find that sweet spot soon again.
And so will you!
In the meantime, grieve, mourn, and just be what you need to be and accept how you need to approach each day. This is who you are right now and this is just what you need to go through. It's a process.
With each passing day, we get closer to our recovery from all of this. 💐

Thank you, I had to read through that a couple of times my brain is so mushed up but I enjoyed reading it and I think the Catatonia is a good description of what I feel, I walk and talk (to my kids, avoid friends) and clean and then just sit and stare into nothingness until one of the kids need me again. Thank you Thevangaurdsix I wish you well for your journey x