to think that all men are this way?

[donbean]

Now normally my dh is a lovely bloke. I have no complaints but this week he has let me down twice.

1. wanted me to loan him some money to buy some thing off ebay. A substantial amount of money for some thing that is a hobbie. My argument is we need to pay the 3 piece suite off. so no, forget it. and if he goes to the bank and borrow it then i will stab him to death.
2. our child is unwell after his booster injections. tonight i am on a night shift. He had booked concert tickets for himself and his mum and dad for tonight without checking if i was working. so organised for our child to stay out at a friends. BUT now he is ill. asked dh to not go to concert to stay home and look after ds so that i dont have to ring in sick at work. no, he has gone to every length to get any one to look after ds so that he and his effing parents can go to this concert. so i have rung in sick. am livid. why do they just not see it as we do?why did he not just automatically say that of course our son is priority, why does he have to find a way around it so it doesnt interfere with his plans. Dh adores our son and is a fab dad until it comes to making personal sacrifices. feel free tp ignore, or poke a stick at the sad lady wading through vomit!

surely it is a joint responsibility caring for your offspring so why should it always be me?
and yes, i feel very guilty for going to work and leaving my sick child but only if it is some one else looking after him, not his daddy,

My initial response is that he is very selfish. imho he is not a "fab dad" - this behavious is completely incompatible with being a fab dad. Sorry to sound harsh.

yes selfish, that is the description i would call it.

hmmm, now i need to think of revenge.

nonono, this is a tiny tiny thing and of 13 years together, this is the first time he has forced me to mumsnet him!

believe me, when i compare him to my family/friends partners, he is fabulous!

behaviour

and fwiw my husband finds it easier to take time off if the dcs are ill, so generally does. I am a nurse and it causes major disruption to my colleagues if I need to take time off so I avoid it at all costs. The dds are just as happy with daddy as with mummy. We are a team. It is not just your responsibility.

YANBU I know exactly what you mean when you say that they are a good day until it comes to something that might interfere with what they want to do. DH is JUST like this. I make arrangements (not often I might add) and something will come up later that he wants to do and he will come hell or high water find a way to do it even if it means disrupting everyone ie kids being pulled out in pajamas to be taken over to his Mums or his Mum being dragged out at 9 at night to come and babysit. It really pi*ses me off. JUST STAY IN WITH YOUR KIDS FOR ONCE. As long as he has arranged what he considers to be an appropriate substitute he just cannot see the problem. There have been times when DS has been ill and he has asked his dad to stay and DH has just gone any way. Well he is with you he says, yes but he wants YOU. I could never do this.

Worse in your case because your son is sick and you needed to go to work. Are all men like this?

me too.
staffing levels are down tonight so feel especially bad.
I rang in at 11ish so hopefully they will get bank staff for tonight.
but in my defence, i would worry about him all night if i went.
i absolutely defend my right to stay home to care for my sick child rather than go into work and care for a stranger, (harsh but true)
and the last time i was off sick was April 2006 so its not a habit.

no not ll mean are this way

all

gah, no, not all men are this way, but I can see that he might feel he was letting his parents down

But viggo, it isnt an appropriate substitute is it. Its principle isnt it.
I Just dont get it.

letting his fecking parents down! seriously
i dont give a toss about his fecking parents missing some kill your dig eat your mother band (they are big into heavy metal........freaks)
our child is the prioroty not his freaky parents.
dooley you are obviously a truly lovely and charitable person to think about in laws that way, all credit hun, all credit.

No don it isnt an appropriate substitute but he considers it to be and when I try to explain why it is not acceptable he takes a confused stance and says things like but the kids love their Grandma and going over there or she doesnt mind (Grandma) so why have you got a problem with it? When it is put like that he just makes me sound like I am being really petty. He has arranged a babysitter - who the kids love - so why not? But it just infuriates me. Maybe I am being unreasonable but I RARELY go out so when I do why cant he just be with his kids? Why immediately rush to make an arrangement so that we BOTH get to go out.

oh God, that is esactly what my dh does as well..."but he loves his nanna",
yes but mil isnt well and will never say no and yes it is hard work for her to drive up here to look after him then be driving home at silly o'clock after babysitting for you.

i always worry that my mil thinks that its me who goes out on the raz!I cant actually recall the last time i went out in the evening, think it was for tea with a pal, was home by 10pm AND i arranged it for dh to be in.
Dh goes out 3 times a year,thats all with work.
BUT if he has some thing on in the day and i am working he thinks nothing of dumping ds on the in laws.