In thinking he should get up?

[prettylittlethingss]

I have a 10 month old who's been a bad sleeper his whole life. He's breastfed so I've never had a single night off. I'm exhausted. On a good night he wakes around 3/4 times a night- and it's usually more. When he was very little, his dad would get up with him early morning so I could sleep for an hour or 2 undisturbed. This soon stopped.

DP now says if the baby wakes up early then I have to get up and he has work. (Baby normally wakes around 7- so if he wakes up early it's 6am and DP has usually slept 11-6 so 7 hours unbroken sleep!)

I work evenings part time. So today, I've had about a few hours of broken sleep, the baby waking up wanting to play for an hour at 1am, then him waking up hourly until 6 when I got up with him. I now have all day looking after him, and then I have work 6pm-10:30pm.

AIBU that DP should have got up with the baby?

It obviously came across as shouting... That's what all words in capitals generally means on a forum like this

If the baby usually gets up at 7 can your husband actually take him before going to work?
When I was on mat leave my husband couldn’t have taken the baby for a few hours at that time.
If the baby has an earlier morning he definitely should get up though. Why doesn’t he currently?
At 10 months though your husband can also go in during the night too. If you only fed baby recently there is no harm in husband going in and rocking.

What time does he need to go out to work?

it sounds like you need to find a way to reduce the need to feed overnight. He may still wake but those waking can be shared. Can your partner go in for the second waking and settle him without the feed?

There is obviously nothing wrong with formula feeding for whatever reason, if it seems right for the baby and the mother. It doesn't sound like it feels like the right solution to anyone except strangers on the internet in this case, so to the question at hand:

Yeah, you absolutely need to make it clear to your husband that you need to find a way for you to get a little more sleep. He needs to work at 6am if the baby is up, but sleeps in if the baby does? In that case, her can afford to delay his work an hour or two while you sleep. You are definitely not unreasonable, especially as you also work in the evening and can't get a rest before the nighttime, either.

And for what it's worth getting the baby to take a bottle is still no guarantee of a break. I was promised I'd get one when she took a bottle. I've yet to get a night off, she's 18mths. My break is 2 night shifts a week when I'm not in the building. And he rarely does mornings either if I'm here. Because he's tired, he works full time. Blah blah blah

I co-slept with mine so I could Bf them back to sleep while I was still asleep myself, saved lots of painful nights of broken sleep although appreciate it isn’t for everyone. Of course your DH should be doing his fair share, especially since you’re back at work.

This comment! Spot on

This is the most ridiculous suggestion.
You should not have to change your child from breast to formula so he can't have an excuse. He needs to actually just be responsible rather then a lazy arse who leaves his wife to do it. Nobody needs to change a babies milk to do that.

I disagree.

Unless her DH is lactating then it’s not possible for him to do night feeds and it makes sense that if the baby is waking up for a feed OP is the one to get up as DH getting up is pointless.

Have you tried expressing your milk?

Having milk straight from the breast definitely has benefits as the milk changes depending on your child’s needs but at 10 months old your baby is obviously strong and healthy and so I’d try and express the milk and use a bottle.

I disagree.

Unless her DH is lactating then it’s not possible for him to do night feeds and it makes sense that if the baby is waking up for a feed OP is the one to get up as DH getting up is pointless.

You misread me.

I said nobody should have to change a babies milk so the other parent has no excuse to parent.

Formula is maybe a good solution here but my comment was about the idea of using the child's feed to manipulate the father. The 'no excuse' thing is what I objected to, not the milk.

getting so upset suggests you are exhausted and not thinking as clearly as you perhaps normally would. I breastfed until 11 months and worked really hard to help my babies learn how to sleep, by that I mean trying to make it clear we play in the day but sleep at night. They all take different amount of time to learn this.

but when I hit rock bottom with fatigue like when poorly and Ill, getting husband to get up and give a bottle (of FF or expressed) allowed me precious time to rest and try and reboot. You have to look after yourself and your baby will still love you in the morning if daddy feeds them . The other thing I noticed was baby diddled round a lot less when daddy got up! Clearly not as exciting in the middle of the night ads mummy! 6am is not too early for husband to do an hour before work.

You're working too! You must be exhausted. Yes, your h should be doing some of the nights. Lazy toad.

Thanks for the replies.

I do express for work and he accepts the bottle but refuses to sleep on it. If my DP got up in the night he'd just fight sleep as he feeds back to sleep. I'd be okay doing this if I had the few hours in the morning like I used to- but DP doesn't do it anymore.

What time does he go to work?

No YANBU. Your DH should go to bed earlier and then you split the night as much as possible- you do say until 3am, he deals with baby after that until say 7am so you each get a stint of unbroken sleep (or if better the other way around). Definitely get him to try to settle the baby without feeding- between 3am
and 7am there is unlikely to be a need for food. If this doesn’t work then yes, as above, one bottle won’t hurt but if you absolutely have to feed the baby he should still do absolutely everything else- like changing, winding, settling. He’s being wilfully lazy and it is not on, especially if you’re working in the evenings.

I don’t see the point in introducing a bottle at around the age you’d soon be phasing it out anyway in favour of a cup.

Yes your husband should do the mornings. He isn’t taking into account the fact you are also working and therefore unable to just go to bed early. He’s got a life of Riley - full night’s sleep, works his own sociable hours, wife who does all the childcare and then works as well at the expense of her own sleep!

Why doesn't he do the mornings anymore? (Clearly he just doesn't want to, but what reason does he give?)

Everyone else didn't know though. I certainly didn't as I'm sure many other posters here didn't. Caps are generally regarded as shouting. Are you honestly trying to make out that you can't see how it was taken as shouting? Really...?

DP now says if the baby wakes up early then I have to get up and he has work.
MAKE the fucker get up. Spray him with a hose. You have work too, twice – no, three times over. So you’re working all night doing the night feeds. Then working all day caring for the baby. Then you do an evening shift at work? And this man begrudges you a measly hour in bed in the morning? He is a monumental COCKEND.