To mention the fact he didn't call me back

[kiarasmum]

This is such a trivial one but I'm just interested to hear people's views, I imagine there might be a divide between those who have experienced the nightmare of dating in 2022, vs those that haven't.

Been seeing a guy for a few months. Been going really quite well and he tends to be very reliable and we've been calling and texting each day.

He's currently in the US for work but wasn't working yesterday.

He gave me a call yesterday and then had to hurry off the phone to answer another call and told me he'd call me back.

He didn't. Didn't hear from him again since then. This kind of thing is my absolute pet hate. A simple 'so sorry I didn't get a chance to call back', would've been fine. I do know the call wasn't anything concerning or urgent.

Quite simply - am I AIBU to mention it when we do finally speak?

Those who know how delicate dating can be in this day and age, may understand why I'd ask a question on something so minor!

Honestly if someone was so overly polite with me such that they were apologising for things like simply forgetting to call me back - I'd think they didn't like me!

It just seems so 'distant' and professional if someone does feel the need to apologise for such minor things; I'd hope they were comfortable enough with me to know that if life got in the way, I'd understand: with or without an apology.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable per se to mention it in passing - but you will run the risk of him feeling like he has to explain himself to you at every corner. Whilst I understand it is a pet hate of yours, I personally wouldn't say anything - save the 'chat' for something that is worth bringing him up on.

I've not been in the dating pool for some time, so other than MN / friends' stories, I don't really understand how delicate dating is in this day and age, so feel free to ignore!

But to me it feels obvious that of course you should mention it, in the reasonable, rational way you've described it here. If it matters to you, why wouldn't you communicate that to somebody who's a potential partner?

If raising such a low-stakes issue in a pleasant way is enough to jeopardise the relationship, surely it's not a relationship that's worth your time?

I think he hurried off the phone to you to deal with that other call and forgot that he even said it. If he thought of you again, it was that you'd already spoken. He was working, and there is a time difference to consider too. I myself wouldn't mention it. To be honest, I don't think I'd have noticed. But if it's important to you then you must and as pp said, if that is enough to rock the relationship, then it won't survive anyway.

He's working and in a different time zone. I said I would call my mum back a few days ago and completely forgot. There are things you say automatically and without thinking. That's one of them.

Far too intense, he is working away and as a pp says it is an automatic sign off.
If you pulled me up on this I'd think it was a red flag, if I knew you were analysing our conversations to the point you made a MN post about it I'd know it was a red flag.

Think about the general trend - high reliability - rather than a single one off occasion which could well have a perfectly human mistake.

Of course, if you’re unsure about the relationship and looking to poke holes then I’m sure it’ll be possibly to write whatever narrative you want.

Good luck and don’t believe everything you read about modern dating culture…

Nope, if it becomes a habit of his then maybe bring it up but as a one off from another country then it’s overkill to bring it up.

Don’t mention it no. You will look absolutely crazy.

No, I wouldn't mention it. He was working, got busy and forgot about it. I would hate someone to be so on edge around me that that could never happen without me kicking off over it. If it happens all the time, then that is a different story.

Don't mention it. He got waylaid. It happens.

It isn't just a case of being busy. If you are in a new workplace, or with colleagues that you don't permently work with, you don't want to cut conversations with them to make a phonecall. I'd like this in someone as long as it was equal. It means that he won't unreasonably want my time, or for me to make him my entire focus.

I wouldn't mention it, no.

Like someone upthread said, it's a very automatic sign off to a call, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll call you back.

If he tends to be reliable, as you say, then I would let this go. Communication seems to be good between you so focus on that, not this one off.

Out of interest what has changed with dating in 2022?

YABVU please don’t mention it as you’ll not come across well.

I think you need to relax a bit as you seem quite intense.
He doesn’t need to apologise for this.

Jeeez. Give him a break. Are you serious?? You’re far too intense- be careful you don’t chase him away with your intensity.

Imagine you're working overseas and you have to end a call with a friend and you tell her, I'll call you later. You don't because life. The next communication involves her quizzing you about why you said you'd call and she wants an explanation why you didn't.
It's weird and intense and unnecessary.
Dating, in 2022, or any other year isn't about micromanaging and overanalysing your interactions. You're developing a relationship, not cracking a code! Relax.

If it's a one off, I wouldn't mention it. He's working and on another time zone, it's not surprising if he's got distracted!

In my view, in the world of modern dating with Tinder etc, everyone has a multitude of other options at the click of a button.

As such, there is this heightened feeling of needing to tread perfectly at all times, especially for women. I think that's why many of us single women over-analyse things that may seem small from the outside.

The reason I posted was actually because I have single friends who would throw their toys out the pram for someone forgetting to call them back - women who always ask for what they need, and then other friends who wouldn't even mention it in passing for fear of seeming needy (I'm in the latter category), but none of us is necessarily more or less successful in dating for either approach!

I wouldn't make a fuss about this, he was obviously busy and is working away. He may have intended to call you back but got an offer to go out with new colleagues / friends whilst he's away in a hotel room on his own.
I would say something if we weee married and DCs were waiting for him to call back but not for me as a grown ass woman who he's merely dating! Don't be that person..

If it comes up in convo naturally then fair enough but I wouldn't make a fuss and your friends are weird if they would stop over this- he's usually reliable with communicating so he's allowed the odd busy day where he gets distracted!

*strop

I'm the one that usually forgets and gets distracted so if a man I was dating made a big deal that we'd been talking and I had to take another call and forgot to ring back because I then became busy

Whilst I may apologise in time if I recall later, I would find it a bit much to have demands put upon me and a sulky person I'm dating. I'd think "jeez I'm away for work and this is a bit much..."

If you've been dating for a few months and it's going well, I wouldn't bother to bring up this one thing. It seems like such a trivial absent-minded thing.

Also, when people say 'I'll call you back' they don't necessarily mean 'I will call you back immediately after my other phone call'. Some people would mean 'I'll call you some other time'.

I agree with this and would be put off by someone I was dating pulling me up over such a trivial thing.
Sounds very petty