That my MIL doesn’t like me

[Juliettesbalcony]

… we have just come back from here and she didn’t let the vast majority of the rest of her family know we were up with a rather unexpected baby quite a few of them haven’t met. Now, our side doesn’t really do extended family but they do. They are all ‘so close’ with cousins being auntie/uncle this or that.. For comparison, last time SIL’s family was there everyone piled round.

BIL did come over with his girlfriend who we had never before. She’s not well. It’s not good. I have stared down that barrel tho came out the other side. MIL was all over her, that she must inform this one and that about this or that aspect of her treatment. In addition, lots of concern about how BIL will ‘cope’ as he doesn’t have exactly a Stella working history.

They hardly contacted us when we were going down that road. They came to see us once so we could ‘entertain them’. They do comment about what someone could (always theoretically) do about this or that financial situation a family member might find themselves in if a family member was richer (which we are)

aibu to think they don’t really like us much.

What???????

Eh?

What did I just read? My brain knows not.

Do you live far away from the rest of the family?

I think you need to take a deep breath and re write this OP because it doesn’t make much sense.

If you go back and read what you wrote it does not translate well OP

I understand your meander of euphemisms. Are you ND?

I'm so confused...

Op has just been to see her MiL and is angry that Mil didn't tell the rest of the family about the visit.

This is despite the fact that the extended family are so close and involved in each others lives

Op did see her BiL and his new gf, who has a mystery illness. Extended family and Mil are helping gf with illness, depots the fact that OP has also had this illness and received no such help.

OP believes MiL and extended family only come to see her when they want something, such as money.

There - I think that's right?!

Your post is very hard to follow, but I will say that you should see the family members you wish to keep in touch with, and don’t rely on your MIL to make that happen.

@EscapeRoomToTheSun ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️ why do people constantly ask that

Your partner doesn't seem very close to their family OP, if everything goes through your MIL and they (your partner) doesn't speak to anyone to say that you'll be visiting.

You seem to bear a grudge about your MIL's lack of involvement with your health issues - which could be justified, it's hard to say - but your last remark about being richer makes no sense at all!

This was so helpful 😂

Hard to tell really from the details provided, but it does sound like the familial closeness doesn't extend much in your direction. Whether that's because your MIL doesn't like you or not, well perhaps. Could the physical distance be a barrier?

Your husband could have perhaps asked her about inviting others over though. Maybe she thought your husband would have wanted to see his brother but didn't want to overwhelm his partner since she is so unwell?

Do you like your MIL much? Do you want a better relationship with her? Is she unpleasant to you or just indifferent?

I found your post easy to follow and agree with the rewording pp above provided.

I think you might be overreacting here. There doesn't seem to be much evidence other than she fussed much more over your sil, especially in comparison to when you were ill (I'm assuming something like cancer for both of you).

She might not have intlvited extended family to meet your new baby out of consideration for either or both of you and your sil. She may have considered that you wouldn't want it with a new born (plenty of new mums dont) and your sil may not have been up to it.

I don't think its unusual for one adult sibling to have more financial help than others, when it isn't favouritism it tends to be balanced out later or in a will.

If you regularly notice a pattern of disinterest then you could well be right but perhaps see this as a fresh start. With effort on your part you might be able to create closer relationships and you could even say to her that you'd like them to more involved in your child's life.

But it will need to be a 2way thing - you'll need to extend invites/make an effort just as much as they will.

It’s not that confusing.

OP, you’re right, they don’t like you and that’s a shame. The comparison with BIL’s new gf must have made it very clear.

Their lack of interest makes things easier in a way. You don’t need to visit again, they can come to you if they change their minds and start to care.

Focus on your own family and put these self centred people behind you.

Because the cadence was familiar to me. Do you have mentions set up or something? Are you the only ND person allowed on mumsnet, self appointed representative of us all? No? Eff off then.

@EscapeRoomToTheSun 😂 way overreaction there hun 😂