I should just leave it, shouldn't I?

[WorkshyHorsefly]

Getting married later this year.

I sent out the invites a few months back, and never heard from one friend. She was very busy, finishing a degree, so I didn't chase it up with her until recently, and when I asked about it she said she never received the invitation. Fair enough.

I double checked I had the address right, and sent it again. She's not mentioned receiving it, but before I could ask if all was well, I noticed she was in the area (we live about an hour away from each other) due to a Facebook post, so I quickly messaged her to ask if we could meet for a drink before she went back home.

She replied a half hour before her train was due, I said I was sorry we missed each other, and that was that.

She doesn't want to come to the wedding, does she? I could ask her outright, but I think it's clear she doesn't want to address it head on with me, so is avoiding. I actually find that more hurtful than an honest, even blunt, answer. She could have simply ticked no on the response (pre stamped) and popped it in the letter box. But instead I'm being ignored. I feel a bit deflated and confused about it.

Some good points here, thanks. I think I was embarrassed at the thought of being pushy, but I'll ask once more without the angst.

think I'd have followed up the initial "resend" with a phone call - but you are where you are. Calling someone half an hour before they catch a train to meet up probably was inconvenient to do so.
I don't think a call as PP has suggested to say sorry to have missed you, finalising numbers, you'd love her to be there, but you need to know either way is out of order.
Having sent a formal invite, rude of her not to reply, but you should check before assuming she's not coming.

I would definitely ask.

I think some of the email/social media generation often don't understand the concept of formal RSVPs and think that if they've said something vague to indicate that they're coming, that's as good as confirming that they will be there. Or they see it the same way as casual birthday drinks in the pub and think it's fine to decide at the last minute or not come when they said they were coming, or show up when they haven't confirmed. Obviously when you need to confirm numbers for a wedding, that's not good enough.

Just call her and say, "Hi X, how are you doing? Just a quick one, I need to finalise the numbers for my wedding, are you able to come?"

Just say to her you need a quick yes or no for the numbers. I wouldn’t end the friendship over this though, she may have a perfectly good reason for not wanting to attend that she doesn’t want to share. To quote a Mumsnet cliché it’s an invitation not a summons! Give her the opportunity to say no without having to give a reason then the matter can be closed.

Hmmm I’m not sure, it’s highly likely she didn’t receive th first one and I don’t get the angst about her responding 30 mins before her train was due, she was likely busy or didn’t see the message, just becayse she was in the area doesn’t mean she has the time to meet for a drink

for me there seems a lack of thought of her, you want her to make herself available to you when you please.

personally I’d just act like there was issue and you weeent in a tizz and just say hope you get back safe, we need to get something in thr diary and then in a few days just text saying hey sorry to push, finalising numbers just a quick yay or nay for the weddding please

I think you're reading too much into minor interactions.
Her first invitation could easily have been lost in the post, that does happen. And if she was in the area but busy then it's totally believable that she didn't see your message in time.
You're assuming the friendship is over based on two totally innocuous things.

Just pick up the phone, call her and say 'hi! So sorry we couldn't meet up when you were in the area recently. I'm chasing up on RSVPs to my wedding - are you coming? The caterers need a final head count....'
Hardly controversial, hardly confrontational!

My 24 year old is like a lot of the younger generation.
a) won't talk on the phone
b) thinks everything is casual
c) ghosts rather than speaks honestly.
Beyond drives me crazy

You & your friend both seem a touch immature.

Lift the phone & ask. It's not rocket science, it's not confrontational. It's essential admin.

‘ Hi friend - sorry to miss you whilst you are here. Please me reply to the wedding invite, I am confirming numbers on Friday and if I haven’t heard from you by then I will assume you can’t make it - hugs op’

If she doesn’t even have the decency to reply I would drop her like a stone.