To worry about the cost of breaking up

[Grapeflavour]

I'm considering breaking up with my partner of 5 years. We've had a good time, but I don't think we don't want the same things from life/the future.

I'm 35 and don't think I'll bother dating again now, and I'm happy with that. But I'm worried about being able to afford living alone - just looking at rent and utilities estimates for this coming winter is depressing. I don't know how I can afford it, despite recently getting a new job with a pay rise.

Seems like you have to be in a relationship to afford to live? I can't bear going into a houseshare again and think my only option is totally relocating hundreds of miles away to somewhere where I don't know anyone purely so I can find cheaper housing. And to be honest, it's not even that much cheaper, so not sure it would even be worth the isolation and upheaval. Aibu? Any advice?

As a midwife can you not look for keyworker developments. I know they get snapped up but they are a little cheaper otherwise look at self contained studios, there's more affordable places once get to the outer boroughs and beyond

@Grapeflavour
By your own admission it is affordable for you. It’s just that what’s affordable isn’t as good as you could afford with two incomes.

Could you possibly work abroad for five years where the pay is better and save a chunk and then come back to the hospital you love working in?
Thank you so much for the work you do xx

As a key worker, would you qualify for some of the key worker schemes? We need midwives in London too so I hope you can stay around.
Is there any way that a trust like the Peabody Trust could help with cheaper rent for a key worker? I bought a flat in a block where 20% were allocated to key workers through the Peabody Trust.

Is’Spare Room’ still a thing? A friend of mine left an abusive 30 year relationship to find a beautiful room in a house owned by an elderly widow who just wanted to know someone else was in the house.

I'm not in an abusive relationship by the way. My partner is a good man, we have a good relationship, but realising lately we have different wants from life. I want to get out and do things, I'm quite active and outdoorsy, whereas he mostly just wants to stay at home watching TV these days (he can't miss any Premier league football match, no matter who is playing, and often watches repeats of the same shows, like an old man! He's only 36). I usually go out alone.

When I was single I rented my spare room to a lodger. It was great - I chose the person, put rules in place (no overnight guests) and the money paid my mortgage and then some.

Are you in a position to buy in a cheaper area?

Good on you for being a midwife OP. I think
I can guess where you're based (I live not too far, but closer to C&W so had/am having my babies there). It's a lovely area but not cheap!

I hear you OP. It is one of the things you need to consider when breaking up with a long term partner because you have become a unit, whether or not you are married. (And I imagine some of the posters being harsh with you are in fact in comfortable dual income households.)

You may need to go into a houseshare though. As another poster said, this could actually be quite nice. If we had enough space and were compatible, I would quite like to share with another woman my own age (whether or not anyone would want to live with me is another matter). There will be women in your situation who are looking for house shares. You could do it as a temporary thing while you re evaluate. Just choose very carefully! And you don't need to move in with a whole bunch of people.

Or as you say, you might choose to move somewhere cheaper. However you are young and you have choices.

Hi @easylisten - why do you think that?
I think I’m in agreement but I can’t verbalise my reasons - I have this thought that when you do, I’ll be like “yes of course!”.

Then you have no choice. You will have to relocate. Them's the breaks, as somebody said recently. You're lucky that you have a job in demand all over the country. This gives you a choice of where to live. You could even work abroad, and widen your life experience.

It's how you look at it: an exciting opportunity or an Eeyore view on life. the universe and everything.

Just to say I am same age, ending things with my partner of 5 years. I also don’t have or want kids and can’t be bothered with dating!
Single life is ultimate freedom and tbh I’m excited about joining it again, I wish you all the very best!