in agony after 16 hour journey 2 months after major surgery to remove tumour

[loopylalalala1]

Hiya

So on Weds drove MIL, DH and DD to Ireland to see MIL's Mum. MIL had said she'd share driving but didn't. Today an 11hr journey took 16hrs because DH and MIL decided to go to National Trust place for 3 hours. Left me sitting alone on bench as they walked. I'd previously told DH I didn't want to do this visit to National Trust as wanted to get home as recovering from surgery and he reassured me it'd be fine for me to drive straight home and have quick stops as needed. However, once near the place he was adamant we went and incredibly moody when it seemed we'd not go and then MIL said she'd like to go and so we went even though I made it clear i didn't really want to go as I wanted to get back home. Yesterday I'd had a stomach upset and I'm recovering from major abdominal surgery I had 10 weeks ago to remove a benign but large tumour. MIL said she'd share driving but seemed reluctant when I asked her as I had a headache. Then DH told me he didn't want her to drive so I'd have to. So I drove back. He was in a mood the whole way....he can't drive due to a health condition. I told him when I got home I wished his Mum had helped and he just walked off. I was feeling ill and he didn't check if I needed anything. The other week he told me to f off when asked him to hurry up. I don't think he loves me anymore. I don't know what to do. I have no family other than my DD. Both my parents have passed away. I wish he would just be more considerate of my feelings. I'm now lying in bed feeling nauseous and in pain and he hasn't said 1 word to me other than that I always try to argue. AIBU? I didn't mind driving but wished they'd been considerate of me given I'm not well rn.

When you get rid of the toxic, nasty, controlling people in your life, it's amazing how much space you have to fill with kind and worthy people who respect you.

You deserve better, op.

You know you're being used. You know he and his mother are both lazy, selfish and entitled. You know neither of them give a toot about you.

I know it's scary but the only way you'll have a better life is by getting rid of the bad bits. xx

So this morning DH gone to work and is messaging me thanks for driving etc etc.... it's messing with my head.

It is called manipulation. He is deliberately messing with your head.

Because he's a pig?

Well having had major abdominal surgery myself I( was under strict instructions not to drive for at least 6 weeks after and then to be extremely careful and not drive for long periods so as not to put any pressure on the wound. You should have refused and your Dh should have backed you up. How incredibly selfish, he sounds like a total p*k.

OP, I am 6 weeks down the kind of surgery you are describing and there is absolutely no way you should be doing drives like that at 10 weeks - you shouldn’t be doing drives of more than half an hour at a time. It’s fine to pop to Tesco or town and back, but there’s no way you should be doing 8 hour drives. I’m astonished they let you. My DP won’t even let me carry my handbag at the moment! That’s because he cares about me and wants me to be fully recovered as quickly as possible, not dragging out a recovery with its attendant risks, for months. This man of yours is a selfish, self centred arse. Anyone who places more importance on walking round a national trust property than on his wife’s health doesn’t deserve a wife. He sees you as nothing more than a satellite in the planet of his life. You can’t stay in a terrible marriage just to see a nephew.

This. It's annoying just to read it let alone live it.

I am contemplating getting my ducks in a row so I can leave but it's frightening as I don't have my own family and we've been together 20 years. But I agree with a lot of you saying I should leave and that in many ways I've allowed myself to be walked over.

Oh OP, my heart goes out to you. I know you realise you are being treated very badly and without any kindness or love in your situation. I doubt very much this is the first time that DH has behaved badly towards you.

It is very daunting to consider uprooting and leaving, so I get that you are concerned. But do NOT make your nephews an excuse, you cannot live in misery for their sakes.

So, quietly do what is recommended regarding finances, paperwork and so on. Make an appointment to see a solicitor soon as you feel you are able. Sometimes talking to someone can help focus the mind.

From what you say I do think you must go. Just think how free you will be from MIL and DH behaviour forever more. You will blossom and be the person you really are underneath.

I wish you well and hope you continue to make a good recovery.