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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want anything to do with my mother's "new" boyfriend

7 replies

CrapMum101 · 31/07/2022 23:07

My mother rang me a few days ago and told me that she is back together with her ex boyfriend who she split up with 20 years ago. They have apparently always stayed in contact through emails etc over the years but he has been with someone else for 15 years (he is cheating on her with my mother). He lives in a different country with this woman and owns 2 properties with her. He claims that he is not in love with her and they don't have sex. I was a small child when he was with my mum and have many traumatic memories of violent, drunken arguments between them. He would make cruel comments to my siblings and I and really just wanted my mum to himself. He isn't a nice man and even went to court for attempted murder after running someone over and leaving them disabled and in a wheelchair. My mum claims that he is the love of her life and she can't help how she feels and basically nothing anyone says will change her decision. She says he is older now and he has changed. I'm very upset as is my sister. My other sister was too young to remember much so is staying neutral. He is apparently saying he is going to leave his partner but that it's "complicated" as they own properties together. He's recently spent a week with my mum after going to a family wedding in the UK. I'm so upset over this and it's triggered many painful childhood memories for me. I've actually been unable to speak to my mother since. She's not contacted me either. I guess as she knows my opinion on the matter. I sort of feel like I've lost my mum. I'm a single mum with two small children (7y and 3y) and my 7yo in particular is close to my mum. I don't want my children being involved with someone like him. :( Any advice for me moving forward with this would be much appreciated as I'm feeling quite crap. Thanks for reading

OP posts:
mynamesnotMa · 31/07/2022 23:12

Is it possible it might fizzle out he doesn't sound like he's in it for the long haul.
All you can do is watch and wait and try not to let him come between you. I'd not my kids any where near him.

RiojaRose · 31/07/2022 23:14

Sounds like he’s potentially a danger to your children. You’re right to keep your distance. I personally don’t believe that forgiveness is necessary or required, so I’d resist any attempts to persuade you that he has changed. Flowers

CrapMum101 · 31/07/2022 23:47

Thank you both for the replies ❤

OP posts:
Meraas · 01/08/2022 00:22

Yes, keep this man away from your children.

I’d be tempted to let his partner know about his affair, but appreciate that might make him angry.

CrapMum101 · 01/08/2022 09:24

Thanks for the response, apparently he is telling her himself ..

OP posts:
balalake · 01/08/2022 09:43

If you witnessed violence, would you feel able to go to the police? A man who is violent towards a woman should face justice, even if years later. It might mean he stays out of the UK to avoid the police and justice and be out of your mum's life.

FlippinOmicron · 01/08/2022 09:56

CrapMum101 · 01/08/2022 09:24

Thanks for the response, apparently he is telling her himself ..

That is probably what he is telling your mother.
The truth might be different.

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