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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what to do

19 replies

Addicted2Crisps · 31/07/2022 22:52

I am a single mum and have bought a first house.
Unfortunately my nine year old daughter really hates the house. I have bought new bed for her and spent about 10k improving the place. She says she cannot sleep and is crying herself to sleep. She says the beds are not good compared to Granny’s. Not sure what to do. Feeling a bit helpless. Her brother seems fine.

OP posts:

5foot5 · 31/07/2022 22:57

Don't mean to sound heartless but she will get over it. Sometimes takes DC a while to settle.

Maybe involve her in deciding how to decorate her room to make it "hers"

But congratulations on getting your first house. Really well done

CactusBlossom · 31/07/2022 23:11

You need to discuss with her what is making her so unhappy. Could there be a smell that she doesn't like (new paint?), a view from the window, light from a street-lamp, the noise of night-time traffic...? Have you tried the bed? Is it softer or harder than she's used to having? Did she stay with Granny during the move? Maybe she misses Granny? Chat to Granny too -- there might be a special bedtime routine that they had together, and she misses that. Good luck in your new home! Sometimes it can be difficult to adapt to change.

MrsOwainGlyndŵr · 31/07/2022 23:25

She'll get used to it. She doesn't have any choice really, does she?!

Daisybuttercup12345 · 31/07/2022 23:30

Sounds like she is really missing Granny.

jessyjo2 · 31/07/2022 23:56

Would there be an option of bringing her bed from Granny's to the new house so she feels at home.

5zeds · 01/08/2022 00:00

She needs to understand that you are staying and get used to it. Poor kid, it’s difficult to move sometimes.

FlissyPaps · 01/08/2022 00:03

This might sound daft but are the mattresses more firmer than the ones at her Granny’s? If so, could you get a mattress topper to make it feel abit more softer and comfier?

I was 10 years old when my parents moved house for the first time. I didn’t take to it well. I cried all the time and it took a while for me to fully settle in and feel at home.

I’d just try and make it feel more homely and cosier for her. Lots of teddy’s on her bed if she likes them. Some fairy lights, photos of family and her friends in her room. Allow her to put her stamp on things.

Have some movie nights in the lounge with treats, lots of cushions and blankets and her favourite movies. Get her involved in the kitchen, helping with prepping dinner and baking. Make memories there. Play in the garden whilst it’s still warm and light on an evening. Games at bathtime.

I’m sure she’ll come round to it with time. X

DelphiniumBlue · 01/08/2022 00:05

Has she been used to living at Granny's?
Change can be difficult for kids, even if it's good change, but she'll get used to it.
If she is adamant it is the bed that is the problem, can you get a mattress topper? It might not make a whole lot of difference but will show her you are listening.

CherrySocks · 01/08/2022 00:09

Were you all at Granny's before? Maybe she is a bit frightened at night time without Granny in the house too?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2022 00:19

She'll get over it, op. I wouldn't ruminate too much about it with her. It won't help.

TeapotTitties · 01/08/2022 00:22

You've left out an important bit of information and that's how long you've all been in the house.

Without that, it's difficult to help. I mean if it's only been a few weeks, the advice would probably be different to if it were 6 months or more.

Londonscalling22 · 01/08/2022 00:34

Make her room nice. Other than that, she'll just have to get over it. Don't make a fuss of it so it's easier for her to move on.

Original poster

Addicted2Crisps · 01/08/2022 12:41

Thanks all, it has only been a matter of weeks. The place is a bit stark as I have possibly made a huge mistake with my choice of flooring and have exhausted the funds for now. She thinks our old rented home was cosy and we should ask for it back. :-( I will go and get a mattress topper for her asap. She is currently sleeping in my bed, although I have spent about £600 on making her room nice. It is just hard having a child in floods of tears every bed time. Granny lives in another country and yes, Granny has nicer beds. Granny has a higher budget. In time, I can manage to have nicer things. I do not get any support from her father, who is choosing not to work and I am doing my best. Maybe I can get some cheap plants or something and just try and make it look a little less severe.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2022 13:25

She is currently sleeping in my bed, although I have spent about £600 on making her room nice.

I would get her into her own bed immediately. Her sleeping with you every night will not be helping this situation.

riotlady · 01/08/2022 13:35

If the decor is making it feel a bit harsh, could you maybe get a few cheap rugs and pillows to soften it up a bit?

Original poster

Addicted2Crisps · 02/08/2022 18:49

Thank you. I will try some rugs and cushions! I don’t understand how her sleeping with me will make things worse.

OP posts:

ldontWanna · 02/08/2022 18:53

Does she normally struggle with change, likes things how they were etc.?

It might take a while for her to adjust. Just keep reminding her it's her home now, she can make suggestions and changes and have what she wants, it will become cosy and nice just like the old one. That you guys being there together and living eachother are making it into a home. Be patient, if cosleeping works at the moment and you don't mind that's fine. Try and have some fun/new memories there. Just being sleepy and spending time together. She will settle eventually.

DDivaStar · 02/08/2022 19:01

Definitely rugs, cushions and blankets.

But ultimately this is your new home it not optional, likewise sleeping in your room every night is not an option. Its hard I know but you're making a rod for your own back if your 'pandering to all her dislikes.

DDivaStar · 02/08/2022 19:04

Addicted2Crisps · 02/08/2022 18:49

Thank you. I will try some rugs and cushions! I don’t understand how her sleeping with me will make things worse.

I assume you'd be happier if she slept in her own room.

The longer she is sleeping with you and you allow her to not like her room the harder it will be to win her around. Its all very well understanding her dislike of change but ultimately she's just going to have to get used to it !

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