To be so angry that I will never get over my childhood abuse?

[JunieBabes]

I feel so angry and upset that, at 45, it looks as though I'll never get over the emotional and physical abuse I suffered as a child from my parents. I've had every treatment imaginable, ranging from counselling, to CBT, and I'm on long term antidepressants which I've been on for almost 30 years. I've improved my self esteem and confidence and all that stuff.

I just feel so upset and angry about things like the abuse giving me a shit childhood, and the friendships and opportunities I missed out on because of being abused and my confidence being low, and not being allowed friends anyway. I never felt that the world was my oyster like people who have been parented in a good enough way often do. Never had the confidence to travel or go to uni.

I've got a good life now but no matter what I do I can't get over the anger, and often have childhood flashbacks, and am still traumatised by what I went through, to a degree. AIBU to be angry that I will never get over it? I just want to be a normal person.

You can go to all the therapies, have all the treatments, attend all the courses but, in the end, the only person who can change anything is you. Other people listening, helping you develop coping strategies and giving you exercises is generally a good thing but they can't do any of those things for you.

Changing your mindset is tough but it can be done. Only you have the power to be the person you want to be. It's not easy but it is definitely worth it.

Pick a day to stop being angry. Aim to make it through one day being the person you want to be. And if you make it to lunchtime that's a win and try again tomorrow. Go to bed every night telling yourself tomorrow you won't be angry. That you can't change the past but you can influence the future. Stop relying on other people to find or provide solutions.

Make plans for yourself. If you want to go to uni there's nothing stopping you being a mature student. If you want to travel book a holiday. Or start small, do something lovely that you missed out on as a child.

You have to tell yourself that the person losing most from carrying the anger is you. You are an adult, it's time to let it go and live your life as you want to.

It's tough, but you can do it. Good luck

Psychedelics. Genuinely - there's a clinic in London.

I'm so sorry you've had to carry this round for so long.

You can go to all the therapies, have all the treatments, attend all the courses but, in the end, the only person who can change anything is you.

The problem is an individual can't change anything. You can only try to cope with it. It's quite dismissive to suggest an abused person can change how they feel.

You can go to all the therapies, have all the treatments, attend all the courses but, in the end, the only person who can change anything is you.

The problem is an individual can't change anything. You can only try to cope with it. It's quite dismissive to suggest an abused person can change how they feel.

Apologies I didn't mean to be dismissive at all.

the problem is we cant change what happened. it happened and it will always have happened and the childhoods we 'should' have had will never be.
I try to deal with it by just focusing on the now and what i can do and feel now. you will never be able to fully get over it as what happens as a child in your formative years really changes the core of your being and affects how you react to situation in the present. I concentrate on ensuring my kids have the best life I can give them both physically and emotionally. I am what I am now but they are still forming and I want to give them a better emotional thought process than I have.

Have you tried EMDR and having a therapist that is a specialist in trauma including PTSD/flashbacks?

I had that type of support through the NHS this year and it has made a massive difference.

I have a history of being abused in the family environment and was already no contact with all my relatives.

But I hit an all time low after a man I had been dating for a short time (who was an existing friend of 5 years...) assaulted me. I thought ''that's it. I have to do something so I never let myself become prey to another rampant narcissist ever again''.

The new therapy has really helped.

I think we never just get over the trauma and that it is more about having the tools not to let what happened sabotage and rule our lives anymore.

I also don't think there is anything wrong with acknowledging your anger either. I absolutely refuse to forgive any of the people who took advantage of me.

But I no longer want these memories to prevent me from enjoying life.

We also worked on my self-respect and self-confidence because I think a lot of what happened to me was due to me not thinking I deserved any better.

I was also abused as a child, it went on for too long and it ruined my childhood and affected me in ways I am only now beginning to understand. I tried therapy and it didn't help.

Sorry posted too soon. Therapy didn't help. What has helped is focusing on my life now and making my life better now. You can't change the past but you have the power to change your future. Your childhood is gone. Your 20s are gone. It wasn't your fault but this was the card we were dealt. Others were dealt much worse cards. I feel lucky to have survived and to have clawed my way out of the misery I grew up in. I have days when I'm angrier than others but overall I feel good and I even have days I forget about it.

@Eyesopenwideawake thank you for the videos.

I'm so sorry, you are not at all unreasonable. Maybe we shouldn't tell people that they can't be angry. Repressing anger is emotionally stunting. Maybe you should explore a positive way to allow yourself to express your anger.