to worry I am getting too old to meet a partner?

[NameChanger567]

I have just turned 25 and I have never had a boyfriend. I don't really know why but it is really getting me down. People keep telling me I should start looking for a man to settle down and get married. I have been trying to find a partner for a while with no luck and I am getting a bit desperate now. They say that soon all of the good men will be snapped up and I will be left with no one.

AIBU to start getting anxious that I am getting too old to get a boyfriend to settle down with?

Pahahahah honestly I say this as nicely as possible your very young and most mens brains at that age are still at embryo stage.

Please don't fret about this and do not settle. Wait until you meet someone who makes your heart sing.

TWENTY FIVE?

I’d say that’s probably quite young to meet someone to settle down with. I met my DH when I was 27 and I often think that I was really young.

Concentrate on yourself and things that make you happy - like hobbies or work (if you like it?) and stop comparing yourself to other people’s highlight reel.

Oh good grief you're a baby, stop worrying.

I know only one couple who are still together after meeting at uni.

I’m in my 40s. Most of my friends met their partners when they were in their 30s. In fact, all of the divorced people I know got married in their 20s, and they’re all remarried now to people they met in their 30s / 40s.

You lost me at 25. Are you trying to be funny?

They are very much talking out of their (smug) arses. A lot of blokes are total dicks in their early 20s, it's not a bad thing to wait until they grow up a bit.

I am early 40s and know a grand total of 1 person who is still with someone they met before the age of 28. Obviously that doesn't prove anything, but it does tell you that the people telling you the shit about the 'best men being taken' will very possibly break up with those same men in the next decade.

"People have said to me that all of the best men are taken by around 25/26 and I need to hurry up and find someone. They have also said that I need to find a man before I lose my youthful looks. I can also see myself starting to age so I know what they mean."

...is this a wind up? It can't be serious surely. Do you live in the arse end of nowhere with nothing else to do than settle down with your cocoa and slippers at the grand old age of 25, or 26 at a push? Do you really think relationships are based on looks alone?

Who is saying stuff like this to you?! So weird, when I was 25 settling down was the last thing on my mind, I was too busy having fun.

Straight out of a Jane Austen novel. Give your head a shake, it's 2022.

27 is not really young. Next you'll be telling me you were the first to have a baby at 38

Ffs.

25? Nah, you have missed the boat.

Better go out and buy 30 cats and prepare to be a Cat Lady now. 🙃

No I live in a big city. All of the girls I know who are my age have all had serious relationships by now. The people saying it to me are my friends

I met someone at 26 and got married at 30 because that's what people 'should' do. I divorced that abusive, narcissistic arsehole of a man at 32 and met my best friend at 36.

I know a grand total of 1 couple who've been together since their early 20s (and my they've had some bumps in the road). I'd say you've got plenty of time yet OP.

Go out, travel, meet people, have fun, have sex, sooner or later someone will come along that you want to stick with.

Your feelings are valid. People telling you not to worry isn’t going to stop you from worrying. It is unusual to have never had a relationship by the age of 25 but it’s also very unlikely you’ll never have one if that’s what you want. I think you need to be proactive though and don’t expect the right person to drop into your lap. Why do you think you’ve never had a relationship? What are you looking for and what have you done to find someone.

People are getting together in their 80s!

You need to relax.

Yes but does she really want to spend the next 60years alone until she finds someone?

Saying that sort of thing doesn’t help when you are 25/30 years old, most of your peers are in relationships and you are lonely.

It just makes me sad that many girls have had a serious relationship by my age and I haven't. It just breaks my heart. I am very shy and quiet and when guys at university have tried to talk to me, I didn't really what to say back.

I first tried online dating last summer but deleted it after around 2-3 months as I could not seem to meet anyone on there. I am trying online dating again now but it is equally bad as before so I have put my profiles on snooze mode for now.

From my point of view I’m sad and disappointed that I’m at that point in my life where I can go to places, travel, experience things etc and yet I’m having to do it alone, and don’t get to share it with anyone.

Thats what upset me about being single.

It can be lonely being single and having the best social life going isn’t always a substitute for a loving partner when that’s the thing you think is missing from your life.
what online dating sites are you using? The free ones (eg, POF) tend to attract the least desirable men, not always, but there’s more bad profiles to sift through than the paid ones. Have you asked someone who knows you well to review your online profile and give you some genuine constructive feedback on what to add/remove to improve your chances? There’s a lot of good advice on here about using those sites.
Do you have any hobbies that help you meet new people?
Maybe take a course or read some books on improving your communication skills/appearing more confident. That way you’ll find it easier to talk with men who interest you.
Have you asked friends/acquaintances if they know anyone you could go on a blind date with? I know this may sound like torture if you’re shy but meeting through others tends to be safer.

My friend is 44 and had one partner since she was 16 but they separated about 10 years ago and she cannot meet anyone

25 is no age at all Please don't feel like this x

This! ⬆

You don't need someone else to "complete" you. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be in a successful relationship with someone else. Do things you enjoy, and enjoy things that you do. That way, you are more likely to meet someone with similar interests and grow from there. Don't go "looking" -- enjoy your life. Also, as @Roseglen84 said, don't put up with AHs.

@Silvercurtains I am using the free ones. I thought about paying but I am a student and I can't really afford to pay. I asked a few friends to look at my profile and they said it looked ok but I should wear more makeup and better clothes. I rarely wear makeup in real life so I didn't want to wear it in my profile. I have a few hobbies and I go to clubs at university but I am so shy I don't know how to start a conversation with guys there. When they try to talk to me, I just go quiet and don't know what to say. I will try to improve my communication skills. I would absolutely dread a blind date but I guess someone my friends had already vetted seems better than meeting people online

I was going to say that you definitely weren't too old at 52 - then I realised you were 25!! I got married at 25, now that I'm closer to 52 I think it was far too young.

They say that soon all of the good men will be snapped up and I will be left with no one

Who are “they”? The good ones won’t all be snapped up by their mid/late 20s I can assure you.

At your age you should be concentrating on building a life and career for yourself, getting into a financially stable position to take you through the choppy waters of child-bearing (if you want children) and enjoying your freedom by travelling and experiencing all that this world has to offer.

You may meet someone along the way or maybe in 5-10 years you can put some concerted effort into finding the right one to have a family with if that floats your boat.

Men are mainly a bit shit, don’t put all your hopes for a happy life onto finding one. There will be a whole heap of awful ones out there single (or willing to be tempted away frok their current relationship more likely) throughout your whole life. There will also be a few decent ones and if one of them crosses your path then you’ll make room for them in your fabulous life.

Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be - there’s a reason half of them end in divorce and many more are pretty miserable.

Im late 40s, have had 2 significant relationships over the years, and am now hoping I meet someone nice to spend my later years with, but I’ve realised that I can’t force it, don’t want to sift through all the frogs to find the prince, so I’m focussing on what I want to do, and if someone happens to come along, then great. I won’t settle for the mediocre tantrumming manchild that I was with for 9 years or the emotionally stunted robot before that!

And as for you losing your youthful good looks, don’t be daft. Women aren’t like bread that goes stale after a short while. We’re fucking fabulous at any age, and any man that only wants you wrinkle free and perky is a shallow twat and best avoided.

Don't worry! Half of them become available again in their 30s and 40s when they get divorced!

You do need to get a move on though if say you want say 3 kids. Work, uni, church, via friends/hobbies are the best way to get a quality man. Don't do online dating at your age.

Are you making the most of your looks? The cold hard truth is that I did not and probably missed out because of it. Sorry to be blunt.

I'm 39 and several long term rships and never married. I've not given up hope!