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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I’m really annoyed but can’t figure out why

24 replies

Namechanger355 · 31/07/2022 18:08

We are moving house today - the movers came in the morning to collect stuff from our old house to take to our new house

I am also 20 weeks pregnant, need to finish packing from our rental, and also have to prep for a meeting at work tomorrow

my DH thought he was being helpful but decided to arrange a play date for me and my DD(3) with a family we know from the park who I’ve met once. He thought that would be a good idea so the movers didn’t bump into my bump or my DD. Although I really thought it would be fine to be in the house because we can just sit in another room and the movers wouldn’t take that long

I got up early to pack and rushed to get DD to the play date.

well the movers took 1.5 hours only as they were focusing on the big items and DD and I ended up staying at the friend’s for almost 4 because we felt like we couldn’t leave due to their lovely hospitality - they kept bringing games out and food even when I said I should prob get back. My dD also didn’t want to leave. My DD had a peeing accident there too which I needed to sort out and I needed to play with DD the whole time obviously

im now hot, bothered, tired - and need to go back to the rental to finish packing my clothes and preparing for my meeting and it’s 6pm on a sunday

I’m annoyed at my DH for making plans for me when I had such a busy day otherwise - he was trying to be helpful but really it wasn’t

AIbU? I prob am I know

OP posts:

dudsville · 31/07/2022 18:09

It really reads here like you know why you're annoyed!

Original poster

Namechanger355 · 31/07/2022 18:11

dudsville · 31/07/2022 18:09

It really reads here like you know why you're annoyed!

Yes ok - but AiBu

OP posts:

dudsville · 31/07/2022 18:12

Oh sorry, no, i don't think you are! It's a very stressful set of circumstances you've got going on.

Itsincidental · 31/07/2022 18:12

Maybe you are annoyed with yourself for going along with things you didn't want to do. Not speaking out for what you yourself wanted.

ChaToilLeam · 31/07/2022 18:12

You could just have said no. You could just have left the play date. Do you have difficulty generally asserting your needs?

alphons · 31/07/2022 18:13

You’re blaming him, but it’s really not his fault. You could have left after a couple
of hours.

it’s fine. You’re pregnant and we’re in charge of a toddler on a hot day. That’s enough to piss anyone off.

Josie45 · 31/07/2022 18:13

It would annoy me too if somebody made plans for me with out checking with me first, I mean there could be a million different reasons why you may not have wany to do that, he definitely should have ran it by you first as an idea to see if you wanted too, moving is stressful enough without any added extras.

Threelittlelambs · 31/07/2022 18:13

Ar e you annoyed he planned it or annoyed you said yes?

What on earth were you thinking?

oviraptor21 · 31/07/2022 18:14

You're probably annoyed because he did it without consulting you. And assumed you'd be OK with it. It seems like it came from a (relatively) good place. Maybe just ask him to run things past you first rather than making arrangements on your behalf?

Move22 · 31/07/2022 18:14

Why would you agree to go on a social visit on moving day?! There’s loads to do!

Itsincidental · 31/07/2022 18:14

X post with @ChaToilLeam !

(Are you a Gaelic speaker@ChaToilLeam ?)

nokidshere · 31/07/2022 18:15

Well yabu on a few counts really. You could have left the play date at any point but you chose to stay. You could have cancelled (or got dh to) when you felt it wasn't a great idea, and you played with the dd the whole time instead of taking a breather while she played with her friend.

So yes, what @Itsincidental said

MarinoRoyale · 31/07/2022 18:17

You could have cancelled the play date, you could have left when you wanted so it’s unreasonable to go along with a plan then be unhappy after the fact when you had opportunities to rectify the situation.

NerrSnerr · 31/07/2022 18:18

I can see why your husband thought it was a good idea as I wouldn't want a 3 year old hanging around, getting under everyone's feet while you're moving house but he should have asked you first (I assume he didn't).

You were unreasonable for not leaving earlier though- you should have left when you needed to.

alnawire · 31/07/2022 18:18

my DH thought he was being helpful but decided to arrange a play date for me and my DD(3)

Yeah, that's not helpful. He could have asked you first. I would be annoyed at someone making arrangements for me like this, I wouldn't have gone along with it either. Thanks but no that's is would have been my response.

FictionalCharacter · 31/07/2022 18:19

Have you asked him not to make plans on your behalf ever again without asking you first? I would be furious if mine did that, especially a playdate with a family I had only met once.
Is he usually so overprotective and paranoid that he’s worried about people bumping into your bump? What does he think will happen if someone bumps into you?

luxxlisbon · 31/07/2022 18:21

I mean I understand his point about not having a young child running about with movers trying to work. You didn’t have to go if you were really against it, nor did you have to stay for 4 hours if you were busy!

CrapBucket · 31/07/2022 18:23

What was your husband doing whilst you and DD were keeping out of the way? It all sounds a bit bizarre, and yes it would put me in a bad mood with myself for going along with it.

No2incoming · 31/07/2022 18:33

You could have just said no, we're moving house today and rain check?

Original poster

Namechanger355 · 31/07/2022 18:37

He had already arranged it and mentioned it to me yesterday. First time I met them they had had another kid cancel and their kid felt really upset

i really didn’t want to cancel on that child - just felt really unfair

and I also didn’t feel like I could leave when I wanted to because that child didn’t want us to, my child didn’t want to leave, and the parents also didn’t seem to want us to - by bringing stuff out. I didn’t want it to seem like we were using them or something.

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechanger355 · 31/07/2022 18:38

CrapBucket · 31/07/2022 18:23

What was your husband doing whilst you and DD were keeping out of the way? It all sounds a bit bizarre, and yes it would put me in a bad mood with myself for going along with it.

he Sorting out stuff - packing, driving across with some stuff and arranging furniture in our new house

OP posts:

Stripedbag101 · 31/07/2022 18:41

It’s really patronising! Why on earth did he not go on the pay date himself!

and why did he let you manage you on this way?

Mindthegob · 31/07/2022 18:47

YANBU! Pregnant. Moving. Hot. Pushed into a playdate and being nice. I can think of numerous reasons you might be annoyed. All the best in your new house

easyday · 31/07/2022 22:14

Well I think it would be great to be out of the way for a couple hours and let your partner deal with the movers. I'd always recommend to anyone who has kids to get them out if the way - with grand parents whatever.
But he should have told you about it and asked if that's what you wanted to do.
And YOU should have been the grown up and said after a couple hours that you needed to get back - could your child have stayed on her own for a bit? If not then you just say 'sorry X I know you want us to stay but today is moving day and we will arrange another time'. I mean the kids are three - you decide not them.
On balance it's on you.

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