AIBU for being frustrated with DH's lack of emotional maturity

[nounderwire]

I'm 38 and have been with my DH for 4 years. We've always had a great relationship/marriage, lots of fun, travel, an equal partnership when it comes to finances and the home. We have worked hard to keep things this way and I am happy.

He's fairly emotionally needy - he needs reassurances and enjoys intimacy and closeness, a bit more than me but I'm happy to give it to him. Until I became pregnant (5.5 months in now) - I've been incredibly ill throughout and have been trying to juggle my own bad health with a very demanding job, caring responsibilities for elderly parents, keeping the house ticking over (DH helps at the things he's good at but needs a lot of instruction), and family obligations. I'm exhausted and ill and absolutely not the fun and carefree woman I was six months ago.

This baby is incredibly wanted and we tried for a long time to get here, DH knows the toll it's been having on my body and my mental health (some days I feel like it's a feat just to work/exist, by 6pm I literally can't move). But my illness and exhaustion has led to our sex life petering out and to be honest I don't have the energy to be giving out all the affection and warmth that he's used to - I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep most of the time.

We are having numerous large arguments about this. He needs intimacy to feel secure and is therefore more needy towards me - I don't have it in me to reassure his needs or give him as much affection as he wants because I'm directing all that inwards towards getting myself through the days. Last night we had a big blowout because he came in the bedroom (I was settling down to sleep) and apparently it was rude and unfeeling that I didn't greet him as he walked in.

It's my opinion that as I'm going through this huge struggle of pregnancy and bad health he should be able to put his own needs more effectively to one side at the moment and be more sympathetic towards me. He thinks I should recognize his needs and be more sympathetic towards him. This leaves me terrified for when our baby arrives - I'm worried I'll be bringing up two children and having seen friends go through marital difficulties when babies arrive, Im scared we're going to get off on a really rocky foot.

Who is BU?

YANBU. I’m so sorry OP. He’s doing the opposite of what a good partner should do - he should be acknowledging that pregnancy (and the months after the birth) means it’s his turn to give you the support you need. It’s extremely selfish of him.

Hmm, so you married a needy selfish git, you got pregnant and you’re surprised that he’s still a needy selfish git. YANBU to want him to be a good and supportive partner, YABU to be surprised that he isn’t it.

Maybe remind him that his marriage vows included “in sickness” as well as “in health”.
I’m frankly gobsmacked at anyone being so entitled that they rant at a sick, exhausted and pregnant woman for not “greeting” them!
OP, I think you need to give this man child a strict talking to, and well before your baby arrives, about stepping up to the basic level of being a husband and father.

We are having numerous large arguments about this. He needs intimacy to feel secure.

Bollocks to that. He wants and expects intimacy and doesn't like being denied it. He prioritises it over his sick, pregnant wife.

Feeling insecure if your partner never wants to be intimate with you (for no obvious reason) is understandable. Pretending you feel insecure in order to get your (temporarily!) sick, pregnant wife to put out is the behaviour of a selfish pig.

I knew I could rely on the straight talking of AIBU to sort me out - thank you!! We will be having more talks tonight and he WILL be getting his head out of his arse.