So long story as short as possible. DP and his ex split up. We got together soon after. Been together 14 years. His ex tried to cause so many problems at the start trying to split us up. She eventually moved on. We have children she does not. So no contact for over a decade(that I know of).
He told me recently a friend mentioned his exs partner of a long time sadly died in an accident and I honestly do feel for her. However I feel that DP should stay well out of it as in that time they had no contact and it seems wrong to insert himself at a time when she has alot going on. In their 4 year relationship everytime he called it off she claimed health issues or pregnancy, miscarriage the lot. Now this is why I don't want him involved.
The other night when he was very drunk he told me firstly that I bore him and then that he had messaged her to see how she's doing and offered support.
Now the following day I confronted him about part 1 and he said this was said because I was trying to wake him up and at the time I was boring him by telling him to go to bed. He was passed out on the sofa and I did not want kids coming down to that in the morning. Could be plausible but I am not sure so I left it at that.
I don't know how to deal with the communication with his ex. When we were first together he took my child from a previous relationship to visit her, he said this was to make her back off and realise we were serious.
I don't know how to confront this or if I should as he will likely deny it, any communication would no doubt have been deleted. He did that way back when he took ds to see her. It was only when ds 2 at the time mentioned her name infront of him that he told me about it saying he took him to make it clear they had no future.
Should I casually ask if the friend who told him has mentioned how she is doing to give him the option to be honest or not say anything?
Personally if my eldest sons fathers wife passed away(ds has had no contact for a long time at his own choosing) I would not make contact as it would seem wrong and out of place given the volatile situation with all the hassle that he gave me and we share a child they do not.