To have not ‘achieved’ anything during mat leave

[Saltyaire]

I am due to go back to work next week after 12 months of maternity leave. I had a quick zoom session last week with some colleagues and one of them asked me what I had done during mat leave and I said I had looked after DD but not got round to painting DS’ room (which I really wanted to do but never found time for).

Said colleague then went on about how some women start businesses/do renovations during mat leave and get loads of stuff done but it was nice that I got a chance to ‘relax’. At the time I laughed it off but the more I think about it the more annoyed I am with colleague and also myself.

I didn’t realise mat leave was meant to be a chance for me to reinvent myself but maybe it was and I’ve just been too lazy. It’s my second child and I feel even more exhausted than I did with DS (although I didn’t achieve anything with DS either during mat leave). Should I have done something?! DS goes to nursery 3 days a week otherwise it’s just me and DH doing childcare and DD hasn’t been the best sleeper until the past few months but maybe I have been making excuses. I do see women on instagram doing all sorts of stuff while they are on mat leave but I wonder how they find the time?! Do they have help??

I am a highly organised and efficient person. Still, during both mat leaves the aim of each day was survival. If you have easy babies who sleep and take two hour naps then maybe crack on and do a bit of painting if you like, but each to their own.

Bahahha mat leave is to spend time with your baby
Not to start a new business and to become an influencer or something 😅

Stop it op. Stop worrying about nonsensical people's opinions

The achievement you've gained from your maternity leave is a lovely bond with your baby. Honestly, with my second DC we were in survival mode when I was in mat leave and if I had managed a day where the toddler hadn't managed to paint the newborn or escape the house while I was distracted I counted it as a win.
I do know a few people who may have "achieved" something on their maternity leave e.g. setting up a business but in those cases it was either through necessity (e.g. not able to return to previous job as not compatible with having kids) or because they had shit loads of family help and a mum or MIL moving in full time to provide childcare.

I'm going to guess that this person has never been on maternity leave and is one of these 'me'ternity people who think that it isn't fair how women who have babies get time off to 'relax' or do things like start businesses (which some might do but I would guess this is a tiny minority).

She is a cow OP just smile and ignore. You get used to stuff like this as a parent.

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy not all childless people don't have a clue.

A father once announced this grand shared parental leave plans to myself and a 15 year old girl. We just silently looked at each other and tried not to roll out eyes.

The 15 year old had two much younger siblings, and I had done plenty of baby sitting of babies and small children.

Oh OP I was very pleased with myself to get up, get showered, get my DD up and out of the house on time to meet anyone. Well it all worked until my DD started walking. Now it's at her pace.....

The whole point of maternity leave is to look after your child, it is not a career break, it is not a sabbatical and it is most definitely not a rest! So if you and your child are fine then you are winning.

I guessing your judgy colleague doesn't have kids and is also on Instagram a lot.

Try to ignore her, OP. She is talking absolute bollocks!
I didn't achieve anything like that in mat leave, nor did anyone I know.

Your colleague is stupid and it would seem, a bit of a cow.
Two maternity leaves here and beyond keeping everyone alive, I didn't find much time for anything else.

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. I think you are right, I need to ignore her comments because she has no clue. She’s otherwise a lovely colleague but I think she doesn’t have the foggiest idea about what having a baby is like because before I went on leave she kept asking me when I would be off on my “baby holiday”.

I think I got a bit upset because I’ve been reflecting back on the past year and I have actually forgotten how hard was until only just recently - PND first 6 months, constant nursery germs, potty training the older one etc so yeah keeping everyone alive and fed and in a relatively clean home (sort of maybe) has been a massive achievement. I also realised I have done something and that’s grown some tomatoes which given my track record with plants is a massive achievement!

I do admire the women who can do it all but you are right in that it’s luck of the draw sometimes.

Thank you everyone.

@AudHvamm practising radical anti-capitalism. I love it 🤣

if maternity leave were that great, men would be fighting to do half of it!

I remember when I was pregnant my partner said he was going to empty and clear out the loft during his 2 weeks off. When I asked what 2 weeks off he meant he said his paternity leave 😂 He had no clue what he was letting himself in for!

Keeping a new human alive and keeping myself from having a breakdown are the only things I achieved. The latter only barely. What a tw@t.

Having a baby is a gamble. If they're easy going and sleep you can "achieve" stuff, if not then it's hard work.

"Baby holiday" is discrimination and derogatory and worthy of cataloguing with HR she sounds like an utter bitch.

😂 I guarantee 99.9% of ladies 'achieve' both their baby and themselves surviving on mat leave. Those who write books, start business of generally dont spend most of the day almost every day in PJ's do exist... but are essentially 'unicorns'. Lol.

Would I be right in assuming this colleague is either a man or a woman with no children??

12 months mat leave with you a baby and another child and you all survived... job well done! 👏👏👏

Said colleague then went on about how some women start businesses/do renovations during mat leave and get loads of stuff done This colleague sounds like a nasty piece of work, agree with the poster above - it is NOT a fucking holiday, it is maternity leave.

Do not speak to this person again about the baby, obviously you have to be polite at work but she sounds like a twat.

I kept my two kids alive but I didn't do anything either. The baby is a terrible sleeper so I've not even managed that. I go back to work tomorrow and I've done zero preparations. i don't even know if my work account is active. I haven't even bothered to find out if we are still working from home or not. I get quote a few staying in touch days and I've done zero. I just couldn't arrange childcare for it. I'm a bit stressed about it and I feel a bit shit but at the same time ffs I wasn't at work. I was on leave.

Has your colleague started a business at any time? After all they've got plenty of time I assume. They've got every Weekend and every evening and night to do something amazing (unlike most mums on maternity leave).

Ignore the loony colleague and stop worrying!

Mat leave isn't for that!
I had a colleague who went off on mat leave a week before I did, she was going to do a masters during it 🤣🤣🤣
She didn't!

You achieved doing what you wanted .

Trip her up, break her leg and when she comes back ask her what she achieved on her 'leg holiday'....

In all seriousness just ignore her. I don't have children but it doesn't take a genius to understand that maternity leave is there for you to recover from giving birth, bond with your baby and help them settle into the world, accompanied by a load of sleep deprivation etc etc.

You've done a great job to manage all that plus PND. Ignore her, she will probably end up looking back and cringing one day if she ever manages to either have children or develop empathy and common sense.

"If maternity leave were that great, men would be fighting to do half of it!"

This poster has it in a nutshell.