I don’t know what to do

[Becky6758]

This isn’t really a AIBU but I’m posting for traffic.

I don’t know what to do and I’m wondering what other people would do in this situation as I can’t think straight and can’t stop crying.

I'm pregnant and I don’t know if I should keep it or not…

Myself and my partner have been together just over 14 years. We have a mortgage on a 3 bed house, both work and we already have two children together. A dd11 and a ds9.

We were not in any way trying for a baby. Iv had problems taking birth control as Iv had a lot of issues with it in the past. We religiously use condoms from start to finish since I had our son 9 years ago.
Recently the condom split (2nd time it’s happened in 9 years so never really an issue) and I went and got the morning after pill within less then 18 hours and took it as soon as I sat in my car in the car park.

Fast forward a few weeks and I haven’t come on so I took a test. I’m pregnant. Im devastated.

My biggest issue is my youngest. He is amazing and I love him to death but he has severe Autism, he’s still in nappies, he’s non-verbal, limited understanding and goes to a special needs school. He will either need to be in supervised residential when he’s an adult or he will have to live with us full time. I’m only saying the above to paint a true picture that he really is severe.

I always wanted a third but my son was fully diagnosed by 2yrs 5 months and we made the choice that we couldn’t risk having another one incase they also had autism.

Our daughter doesn’t have Autism and is NT.

How are you getting on OP? Any clearer thoughts?

Hope you are OK @Becky6758
there is no right or wrong answer
we don’t know what will happen if we decide one way or another in this scenario and I think as you are a parent already there are competing / conflicting “what ifs” bounds up in this with regards to the children you have already

how did the conversation with you and your other half go?

I would consider having this baby because of your autistic child - it could mean your oldest has a sibling to help with making decisions about your autistic child when you are elderly or passed - sorry to be morbid but my friend unfort has a severely handicapper child and she decided to have a third child for this reason.

Oh love I really feel for you. Please try not to feel guilty. I know you feel really sad and torn. But please consider your future mental health.

You didn't plan, or want, a pregnancy. Your instinctive action on contraception failure was to use the morning after pill immediately.
Listen to your instincts and don't go ahead with the pregnancy. You have no need to feel guilty. Your partner sounds brilliantly supportive.

I feel sorry that your in this situation you sound like you already have your hands full tho - if it was me I'd have a termination

I always think tho taking a morning after pill is basically saying you don't want the baby and so an abortion would be the logical step forward in this situation

I appreciate it's really difficult tho and not a decision to be taken likely x