AIBU to ask for tips dealing with sullen child ?

[Ringshanks]

My little boy (5) can be so sullen ! He’s cheerful , helpful and happy at home but so sullen and grumpy when we go out . He ‘doesn’t want to’ whenever an opportunity is presented to try things (go on a ride , play a game , kick a ball with friends) and often complains that he wants to go home straight from the get-go . Any tips with helping us enjoy our time together? AIBU to keep taking him out and about ?

Don't label him as sullen, that would be a good start.

Doesn’t sound like he’s sullen to me; it sounds like he’s shy. My DS is very similar and we just don’t push things, let him use us as comfort/ his anchor and then encourage him when he warms up a bit.

Sound like anxiousness. Do you let him know the details in advance? Does he get to feel any kind of control/decision maker? Do you express disappointment that he doesn’t want to do things you think he should? (Don’t answer for my sake, just something to consider)

It sounds like he just likes being at home, an introvert maybe.

I understand it can be frustrating if you're the opposite and like being out and about.

I'd stop pushing stuff and let him do it in his own time. I would still take him out because you can't leave him at home and you can't be a prisoner in your own home, but I'd also sometimes let him choose the activity and if staying at home is what he wants to do then honour that.

Why not approach it by finding out what’s going on in his young head? By labelling his normal behaviour so negatively and with such judgment you’ve got no chance of getting him to open up. Just because you might think he should enjoy something doesn’t mean he will. You presumably have interests that not everyone shares, why not remember he’s his own unique person and has his own interests and enjoyment.

He’s 5, that’s very little. Maybe he gets overwhelmed by noises, people, your obvious expectations. Back off and let him decide what interests him and be led by him instead of trying to insist he does things he’s not keen on/is scared of/finds overwhelming.

He may want more downtime/time at home.

He may not particulalry want to do the things you're taking him too.

Its his first year at school presumably so he might need some down time now. Lots of kids are exhausted at the end of the year.

And yes anxiety with new things or overwhelming things or being "busy".

Id dial it back quite a bit, plan things with him rather than for him. Give him option's so he feels he has some control. Ask what he enjoys and do that!

Best advice I can give from experience is to listen more to what he's telling you. I used to try to convince mine to give things a go, we'll just stay a while etc etc. This was leading to them being unhappy & actually making things worse. I've since realised it's fine to talk things through but it's really important they have a choice and are able to make their own decisions. Your boy sounds absolutely wonderful by the way, you should be so proud. If he is happier pottering around at home with you or having a quieter day with the people he's comfortable with that's OK.

First one was just the same and so I understand where you're coming from. He's just a homebody. Is now a teen and just the same.

What does he say if you ask him why?

There is nothing wrong with a child being in his own space doing his own thing at home.

Has school raised any issues?

Thanks guys - I think I’ll definitely try planning things ‘with him’ rather than ‘for him’ a lot more . I suppose I worry he’s missing out because he generally enjoys things once he has tried them . Perhaps more time at home is worth a try too - it’s tricky as I also have a v active 2 year old who loves being out and about ! School are happy with him , he’s quiet and polite - I’m actually really proud of him ! But perhaps I need to listen more …

They’re different people. They have different personalities and different needs. Treat them as individuals and do things that make them each happy.