To let DS wear nail polish despite his dads views

[Cffee]

9 year old DS has always loved handbags, necklaces accessories that sort of thing and I've always just let him do whatever he wants in that regard because why not.
he wanted his nails painted so I let him and this morning his dad came to pick him up, grabbed his hands pulled a face and went " Eurgh what have you done to your nails?" And was pretty clear in his disapproval. He did this recently too with a bead necklace DS had on and said i was making him "girly" (nothing wrong with being girly at all, but he's not even typically 'girly' or feminine, he just likes what he likes)
ex has turned into a right Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate worshipping type of person since we broke up and I don't want him being mean to DS
I have always brought him up with the view that things are for everyone and aren't gender specific but I don't want his dad making him feel bad about himself.

Let your child be a Guinea pig if you want 🤷‍♀️ I care too much about mine to do that to them.

Better to be yourself and risk teasing than repress who you are. The latter is far more likely to result in MH issues.

I used to work at a childcare centre and we'd occasionally let the children do each other's nails as a treat (with permission from the parents). One lad loved doing my nails and getting his polished in return. His mother was fine with it, but his father complained and put an end to it. Such a shame and did no harm whatsoever.

I checked with DP what his views would be if we had a boy and he said he was more than happy with it. He's now looking forward to going to work with his nails done by our dd.

I agree with this, but only in regards to the father. OP you know your ex is a prick and is going to bully your son, why would you deliberately put nail polish and beads on your DS when his dad is picking him up. At 9 he’s old enough to understand that his dad dosnt like nail polish and beads etc… so when he’s there just avoid them

What an appalling message to teach your child. “daddy is a bigoted moron so make sure you don’t upset him”

But you tell them to be someone they’re not to appease random pricks?

Ywah I’m not sure you care as much as you think.

And how do we think that'll ever change?

The first women who wanted to wear trousers or vote or work in make industry, if they'd just gone "oh no, people will disapprove, we shall not disobey".

And it's perfectly acceptable in some circles for lads to wear make up (I once snogged a very hot guy in eyeliner and black nail varnish)so he just needs friends who are ignorant and scared to be themselves

Op I'd let him do what he wants, but also be willing to remove it IF HE WANTS before going to Dad's. He doesn't need to prove anything to anyone

Yep, it is actively grooming a child to do as an abuser demands.

Carry on and let your son wear what he likes. My son (somewhat older) currently wears beads etc and has his nails painted black.

I agree with this, although sadly I think the OP's son will get the message that nail varnish is for girls from society even if his dad were more open minded.

Have you seen what teenagers wear? Especially to college. You’re more likely to stick out like a sore thumb if you’re a bloke not wearing beads, nail polish etc, 🙄

His dad needs to get over himself. It’s a bit of nail polish.

I voted unreasonable, not for the gender stereotype nonsense, but because normally nail polish is full of solvents and plasticisers. And then there’s the harsh remover on more delicate skin. It all gives me a headache as an adult, so I would put it anywhere near my child.

if he wants to have colourful nails, you can buy water-based non-toxic ones designed to be safe for children.

Wow, what's it like living in the dark ages on planet deludio? Where idiots like you victim blame kids being bullied instead of pulling up the actual bullies??

boys can OF COURSE wear nail varnish and beads and have long hair and even wear a dress if they choose. Excuse the ridiculous, misogynistic, homophobic crap sported by the person I quoted. They should be ashamed with their rigid outdated gender bollocks that actually reinforces dysmorphia instead of making it ok for everybody to do what they please.

And the world never will be different if we don't encourage it to change. We should all be bringing our children up to challenge stereotypes and equipping them with the confidence and resilience to not care what outdated bigots think.

Your ex is being a prick. If he wants your son to start thinking there's something wrong with him because he's not performing masculinity 'correctly' - i.e. in a narrow, stereotypical way - then making a big deal out of varnish and beads is 100% the way to do it. The gender ideology that tells children they are born in the wrong body is completely based on these stereotypes. I'm sure neither of you want your son to start taking on the idea that he's not a boy just because he likes certain things.

Maybe that's a way of tackling this with your ex? 'Let's not make a big deal of it - just ignore it, don't make him feel he's doing something wrong etc, because we don't want to be setting him up for the idea that he's not a boy, just because he likes beads etc'. Jordan Peterson is not a fan of gender ideology (although for different reasons to many feminists!), so that approach may resonate with your ex.

All those people saying she should ‘defeminise’ her child before sending him, would you all say the same if the dad liked his daughter to be traditionally feminine? Would you pander and only send her in pink dresses and tights? Would you insist she keeps her hair long to make a man happy?

Your DS can do what pleased him. I'm a woman and it pleases me not to wear nail varnish.

If your ex has ‘swallowed the red pill’ I’m afraid there’s absolutely no helping him or educating him, he will forevermore criticise your son when he’s not being a total alpha male. So you may as well teach your son to go to dads in mail varnish and be himself anyway rather than pander to your ex’s misogyny

@bubblescoop thank goodness that we all didn't take your view when it came to tackling racism, homophobia, secism etc.

Stop using your fake concern for her son as a way to express your bigoted and homophobic views.

The mental health concerns you mention are due to people like you creating a society where people can't be themselves.

Ozzy Osborne paints his finger nails too.
Wasn't it a massive thing with punks and goths.

Absolutely your DS should wear exactly what he wants...but... sending him to dad's in nail polish or a necklace when you know dad will kick off may well be counter productive. So let him wear his sparkles at home and to Asda, but gently remove them for safe keeping before he leaves for dads.

@bubblescoop reading your message is so depressing. I’m glad lots of people have commented and explained why you’re woefully wrong. You might as well be telling girls to dress a certain way because they are ‘making themselves targets’. It’s the bullies and perpetrators of abuse who need to change, not the victims. Listen to yourself. It’s so sad. Your poor kids.

Oh honey, they won’t change. Stop living in dreamland. It isn’t healthy and your poor kids will pay the price for mummy’s poor choices.

Oh honey, they won’t change. Stop living in dreamland. It isn’t healthy and your poor kids will pay the price for mummy’s poor choices.