To want to go back in time and do my life differently?

[OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide]

I’m 44. Is this a mid-life crisis? The start of peri-menopause?

I just have this overwhelming feeling that I should be someone else. Somewhere else. Doing completely different things. I’m so tired.

What specifically do you want to change?

It might well be perimenopause or it might equally mean that your life isn't working for you. Take it as a cue to change things.

In a lot of ways I’m lucky. Have a nice house and a good but demanding job. Never had a life plan so sort of drifted here. I could have gone to uni but didn’t. Think there are so many things I could have been but too late now to retrain.

Husband of 17 years is steady - never any sort of big love affair and now we are quite distant.

Spent far too much on crap over the years. Wish I’d travelled more.

only just sorting out my diet and fitness. Been overweight for years. Wonder what that’s knocked off my life.

On the other hand, having none of that also means not having my lovely daughter.

Just seems so self indulgent to be asking this when people have it so much worse than me.

I’ve said YABU as you have plenty of time now to change things but there is no point wasting effort on regret. What you’ve done and experiences has shaped who you are. Another path may have brought you pain or unhappiness.
Change now. I’m your age and just about to graduate into my dream job. It’s not too late to make the changes you want to- stop looking back and look forward. Where do you want to be in a year, 5 years etc and what steps need taken to get you there.

F

I have felt like that too. I think the idea that your life is set out for you because you made certain choices isn't correct and also against human nature. We are (well a lot of us) are natural explorers and the 'get married, have children, retire, be a grandparent' thing can be stifling for some.
You need to shake your life up because you sound bored and unfilled.

I'm 48 and definitely menopausal. I considered earlier creating an Aibu " I wish everyone would just fuck off"
I adore my kids I'm ambivalent about my oh. My caring hormones have hit an all time low, but I have an exit plan. Without wishing your life away, maybe start making plans for when they all don't need you anymore?

Are you me oP?
I feel like this

Don't look back, that's not where you're going. Figure out where you want to go and steer a course there.

Put one new thing in your week that’s for you, that you like or supports your health and fitness or just gets you out of the house.

Start there. And maybe journal. Get it all out. Listen to your own voice.

Everybody does…

When you look back on your life so far, with all the wisdom and experience gained from the past four decades, of course you see places where you could have made better decisions that would have given you more money/power/freedom/friends/glory. (If you don’t regret mistakes and missed opportunities, then either you lived a perfect life, or you’re just not very reflective.)

Of course you wonder about the paths you didn’t take. The more time on your hands you have, the more you wonder what would have happened if you’d had the courage to try acting instead of accountancy, or been confident enough to try politics, or gone to Australia with that hot guy, or stayed with your first sweetheart instead of going to university, etc etc.

It’s normal. That doesn’t mean it isn’t important. But it doesn’t mean anything is wrong either. Think of it, perhaps, as a reminder that you have more resources and control now than you did a few decades ago but still hopefully have several decades of life left. How do you want to spend the rest of your time here?

This is the most insightful answer to these feelings that I have ever seen. I have ponderous repeating thoughts along these lines and you've helped me tremendously.

You're only 44, FGS. You can make any changes you want to. Your life will be exactly what you make of it.