DH constantly visiting family in a different city, over spending quality time with me and his DS.

[flamingosandrainbows]

Me and my DH live in my home city, so granted we are surrounded by my family. We regularly go to his home city for the weekend to see his family and they regularly come to stay with us (sometimes up to 4 adults and 3 children in our 2 bedroom house!) and I never complain. However, due to my DH working every other Saturday I do feel as though every weekend he is off work, we are spending it either travelling 2 hours north to spend time with his family or his family are here with us to stay- leaving no time for just US and our baby. For the past two
weekends he has gone, without us as there has been various events to do with friends on. This weekend he wanted us to go with him, but i didn’t want to as I have plans here in our home city! It will work out that he has actually spent every single weekend for the past month with his family but barley spent any time at the weekend with his own baby. He could even come back saturday night but is choosing to come back sunday instead as ‘ it will be a lot of driving in one day’ . I can’t help but feel like this relationship isn’t going to last, simply as he has stated multiple times he wants to move back there, and that is something that I just won’t be doing, and have never said I would do since before we even got together. AIBU to be annoyed at him constantly travelling back to see his family every week when he has his own family now? I have told him I am sad he does not seem bothered about spending time with his own son and all he says is ‘ I see him every day’. ( literally an hour before he goes to bed!)

Quite right.

It will get harder for him to galavant off when your child starts school and is exhausted from school, has friends parties, scouts/football etc on the weekend.

once your child starts school you are very much planted to an area, yes you can move them, but they spend more time (awake!) at school with their friends and teachers then you. They become part of a community. And then secondary with teenagers, it becomes much more important to them.

once your baby is at nursery and your back at work you will be left with the grunt weekend work, tidying the house, washing and preparing for next week. It will be a hard conversation to be had. But it sounds like you might need it.

What was the agreement before you got pregnant? What were the arrangements then? This isn't sustainable. Is he drinking or would it be possible to drive back in one day? I don't think that he should have to drive back to go to your family, though.

Just an update.. he left at 5pm yesterday and hasn’t once called or even text to see how our 9 month old son is? When he left yesterday, we left on bad terms. However I would have thought he’d care to check on his son seeing as he’s swanned of for two nights to another city.

@Ponoka7 He isn’t drinking so could come back in one day. We’ve got a christening on Sunday so won’t be spending it with my family. He is driving back early Sunday morning to make the christening though.

@Damnautocorrect Yep, you are absolutely right. Thank you for your advice, I will definitely be having a conversation when he’s back.

@noirthoughts Thank you for your advice, I will 100% be having conversations.