Godparents??

[bellamqrie]

how would you feel about this??

mil has told me that dp cousin is planning on making him the god father of her baby, she's pregnant. who she picks as godparents is none of my concern, even though culturally we usually pick godparents by couples.

we've mentioned that with our next baby, DP would like to make his cousin and her husband the godparents, but i don't know if i could make them godparents if they only chose DP and not me. i don't mean to make this about me, how would you feel about this?

i've done nothing but try with his family and sent so much baby stuff over to them, and whilst i wouldn't be offended if we didn't get picked for godparents, i feel as though if DP gets picked, out of respect i would like to be too?? just like i wouldn't pick her and not her husband?

aibu here? how would you react to this?

I think you need to accept that choosing individuals rather than couples is perfectly normal in some cultures. They can choose who they like just as you can choose who you like.

Oh and I have never heard of couples being chosen so wouldn’t feel anything about the decision. I was recently made a godparent and my DH wasn’t. He isn’t remotely offended.

Godparents don't have to be couples - surely it's whichever of the couple you feel closest to and their spouse is a bonus!

I'd say yes you're being completely unreasonable. It's very tit for tat, if they're the people you would want to be God parents for your child that should not be based upon who they pick for theirs.

Pick the individuals you think are going to be the best godparents for your child with no concerns of who has asked you.

for Ds I picked one couple, one friend who was single and one friend who was in a long term relationship but not his partner. At the time o felt they where the right people.

You’re not married into the family, so I wouldn’t pick you either.

In my culture, it's normal for the Godmother and Godfather to come from separate couples iyswim, rather like a 'double your options' thing

Are you pregnant or are you debating potential grandparents for a hypothetical baby?

You say you don’t mind who she chooses but you obviously are. I’d try to let that go tbh. Not asking you isn’t rejecting the effort you’ve made with his family, that’s a bit dramatic.

You are being completely unreasonable. Just because it is your culture or preference to have a couple was godparents, it can be the exact opposite for others.
For us, one is from mother's side and one from father's side.

It’s perfectly normal and reasonable to only ask one of a couple (also normal to ask both). It’s also not necessarily a reciprocal thing - I’ve got Godchildren with parents who aren’t my children’s Godparents and vice versa. DH is Godparent to children I’m not. All perfectly fine and everyone happy.

Honestly, I think it’s nothing to be offended about, especially if you aren’t married to him.

Can I ask what religion it is? Xx

They don’t have to choose a couple of they don’t want to - most of my three DC’s godparent are not couples (although one couple is). You can then not choose them as a couple, as long as you’re doing it because you’ve been liberated from the idea that it should be a couple rather than just for petty reasons.

Totally normal to only have one.

Stop listening to MIL and wait and see.

Are you pregnant or is this a discussion for if there is another baby for you?

I just have experience in the Catholic Church, so god parents need be practicing catholics, received the sacraments of baptism, Eucharist and confirmation. Both of our sisters fit that criteria and their husbands didn't. Therefore we chose our sisters.
I am my neices god parent but my husband isn't (as again they chose siblings to be god parents).
My husband and I are both god parents for our nephew.

Isn’t it better not to pick couples? You get more bang for your buck if you just pick one of the couples. If you want people to look out for your children (which I think is the point), you get one person and their partner, then the other person and their partner. Sounds a win-win to me!

And, to answer your question - yes you are just making it about you. Surely you just pick who you want for your child and what best suits the child, not for tit-for-tat power play.

Not trying to cause any offence but are you religious? Are you going to guide DPs cousin's baby in the religion?

If you aren't religious and it's just a title that you're feeling left out of then YABU.

If you are religious and genuinely want a role to support baby, as per the promises made of a Godparent, then by all means speak to the baby's parents or ask DP to casually suggest it. No harm in asking!