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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babies first Christmas

25 replies

Belindaaa · 29/07/2022 11:59

Christmas drama in July

I've been with my partner 7 years and we have never spent Christmas together, we always go to our parents as I don't want to split the day up and he is happy to stay at his families so he can have a drink. This year it will be our first Christmas as a family. Our little one will be 10 months so we have said we will finally have Christmas together instead of pleasing others.

My partners mum has invited herself and her family for Christmas dinner. I said no as I don't want the pressure of hosting and all the cooking as I just want to play and spend it with my baby and partner. She is really insulted and insisting on coming. If she's comes there will be 8 or maybe 12 of them, and then I will have to invite my side of the family so that's 9. I can't invite one side without the other. Or should I stand my ground and not people please?

Partners mum has a history of this. She had booked holidays before without discussing and just sent the dates, place and price. She can be very controlling but partner doesn't back down so it's always left for me to do.

AIBU? Should I spend half a day with each side and then do boxing day just for us? I find it hard to please everyone.

OP posts:

chipsandpeas · 29/07/2022 12:03

is your DP onboard if so get him to deal with his mother

NiqueNique · 29/07/2022 12:03

Christmas Day just you, Boxing Day both sides of the family.

bravotango · 29/07/2022 12:04

One family Christmas Eve, one on boxing Day. Christmas Day just the 3 of you at home.

RobertaFirmino · 29/07/2022 12:06

Stand your ground. Do not host this Christmas. You'll be making a rod for your own back. What a cheeky, cheeky fucker. And yes, Christmas in July 😱

lawandgin · 29/07/2022 12:06

I'd be telling her that won't be happening and if your dp doesn't have your back, I'd be taking LO to my family on Christmas day. She can have boxing day or nothing.

TheDogsMother · 29/07/2022 12:12

Stand your ground, get DP to tell her and start creating the Christmas you want for your little family.

girlmom21 · 29/07/2022 12:20

Tell her if she's coming she can cook and everyone can bring something for the meal.

I think it's nice to have family around at Christmas. It'd be a shame to upset other people - would you be able to have a happy Christmas knowing other people are having a crap day?

MolliciousIntent · 29/07/2022 12:23

girlmom21 · 29/07/2022 12:20

Tell her if she's coming she can cook and everyone can bring something for the meal.

I think it's nice to have family around at Christmas. It'd be a shame to upset other people - would you be able to have a happy Christmas knowing other people are having a crap day?

Ignore this OP. You're not responsible for your MIL's feelings - her lack of boundaries are your DP's problem to deal with.

Rowen32 · 29/07/2022 12:24

Absolutely stand your ground that's awful and you'll have to do it every year then.

Brefugee · 29/07/2022 12:27

Stand your ground, i hope your partner is on board with that.
You don't need to invite both sets if one comes, though. Year and year about if you want to have them over (or visit them) on Christmas day,

With a baby it's not so bad, but i don't recommend splitting the day because if it gets to be "tradition" when your DC are older they never get time to play with their new toys.

Time to make new traditions. As pp said maybe one family on Christmas eve, home on The Day, then the other on boxing day. The next year the other way round.

wasthataburp · 29/07/2022 12:27

So she thinks you are going to cook for potentially 18 people?! Tell her no!

bubblescoop · 29/07/2022 12:29

Firstly, it’s really strange you never had Christmas together before now. Are you just kids?

Second, having your in-laws over doesn’t mean you have to have your parents over. Why not take it in turns? One year have them, one year your family. Maybe even a year off and have nobody.

Autumnwater87 · 29/07/2022 12:31

I Would either offer them Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Or If she insists on Christmas Day I would say only MIL and FIL (if there is one) and if your parents want to come over in the morning. Not the whole family. Let the grandparents come early to watch your DC open presents offer them a cup of tea/bucks fizz whatever you normally have a mince pie and let them get back off home to do the big Christmas dinner. Make it clear you are not going to be hosting a big Christmas

CatSeany · 29/07/2022 12:31

I'd hold the boundary and have Christmas on your own. Otherwise you're going to get yourself into a pattern of obligation with family where you take turns to spend Christmas with each side and never get a Christmas to yourselves. I don't think it's feasible to host both families at once.

We seem to have gotten ourselves caught in a pattern of going to one family one year and the other the next. I'm going to try and get out of it this year because I'd quite like the day to ourselves if I'm not working, but I reckon my family might kick off.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 29/07/2022 12:33

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT.

Get DH on board and get him to deal with it. His mother.

Worst case scenario, book and go away somewhere.

Goldbar · 29/07/2022 13:05

I'd tell her she can come but she'll have to cook Christmas dinner for herself and her family and sort them all out as you've no intention of spending Christmas hosting and in the kitchen.

Testina · 29/07/2022 13:13

There’s no point in telling her she can come if she cooks. She’ll huff as badly as being told no, and then there’s no way it’ll actually happen.

Stick to your guns. We have a child now, we’ve never had Xmas together and now we are going to. We’d love to see you on x date instead.

aSofaNearYou · 29/07/2022 13:16

Given you both like spending time with your families I would have thought it was a logical time to start alternating Christmas', whether that means going to theirs (less heavy lifting) or having them over to yours.

You might prefer to have Christmas just the three of you this year, of course, but ultimately it sounds like you're the kind of family who likes to see wider family, rather than just stay home alone, so this is what I'd be moving towards.

Immaterialatthispoint · 29/07/2022 13:24

my House couldn’t hold 19-23 people!

ItsJustASimpleLine · 29/07/2022 13:28

Could you even accommodate that many people?

Stand your ground and offer the see them Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.We have Christmas at home alone and see family before and after. It works well for us.

JenniferBarkley · 29/07/2022 13:35

Absolutely stand your ground. Either have them over on Christmas Eve or offer to pop over to hers for an hour on Christmas Day.

PurBal · 29/07/2022 13:39

Stand your ground. We did to a point. But then travelled around after Christmas Day which was a different kind of awful.

3amAndImStillAwake · 29/07/2022 13:41

Your MIL is ridiculous and I'd be telling her directly that she is not to invite herself or others to my house, and if she does, she simply will not be let in. Can your partner speak to the other people in the family and say "sorry, not sure what mum has said but we aren't hosting"?

I can't invite one side without the other.

I'd avoid thinking like this with a child tbh. You'll tie yourself in knots if you try to make everything totally equal all the time. I'm not saying favour one side over the other, just that some years it might make sense to see one side on Christmas Day and the other side on Boxing Day, some years it might make sense to see no one on Christmas Day and do family the day before/day after. You'll massively restrict yourself if you want everything to be completely even.

girlfrien · 29/07/2022 13:41

How lucky to have lots of family who want to see your child, alot don't have that and you never know what will happen to them. They won't always be there.
We always spent Xmas day as a family with family. We also left our home on Christmas day to visit family.
We had boxing day at home.

You shouldn't be left to do everything though.

BeanieTeen · 29/07/2022 13:50

Who insists on inviting themselves round to someone else’s house for Christmas? Your MIL is crazy and rude. No, means no. Tell DH to put his foot down. They can see you on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

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