Running the kids around

[Hamster0001]

Hi All,
I am after a bit of perspective as me and my husband are on very different pages.

For background... My husband works 9 to 5 or 8-4 mon to Fri and goes to the gym 3 times a week (average of 2 hours per time)
I work 5 days a week too, varying hours. 2 full time days and school hours the rest (totalling 30 hours). I run a couple of times a week, usually only for half an hour at a time.

So now it's summer holidays we differ on opinion about dropping off and picking up. The kids go to grandparents whilst we work (we are also using annual leave to cover). On my full days I don't think it should solely be up to me. And 1 day a week i start work half an hour earlier than my husband, so think he should drop on that day. But he says it's up to me because I work "part time". This means I have to leave the house 45 mins before him. I think it would be fairer to alternate? On my early finishes of course there's no question and I collect.

If it makes any difference I earn a fair amount more than my husband for my 30 hours versus his full time.

I'd love your thoughts please.... Thank you! Let me know if I've missed any important info to help you decide...

Your husband is an arse. Of course he should be sharing it or doing what makes life a bit easier for most of you that day, when you start early he should take them etc.

I have very similar set up to you with hours, my job is a bit more flexible as dp works shifts on a hospital so sometimes he just can't to the pick ups drop offs, but he does what he can. I'm home based but have one day a week in the office and he always tries to do that running around day.

No, he should definitely be dropping them off when he has a later start.
You're a team & he should be helping you when you start earlier.

Thank you for replying! I didn't think I was being unreasonable but he was so rude this morning saying he'd drop hours if I was starting to expect him to do the running around after kids and I could go full time. Just narks me. He sees my short days as time off which is ridiculous when I'm driving to school for kids and actually have more pressure at work due to finishing early. Thank you again!

I see so many threads on MN that highlight the selfishness of so many husbands wanting to ring-fence their time away from their kids. My DH worked FT but he would always try and drop the kids not to help me out just because it meant he could spend time with his children. Your DH sounds unpleasant and selfish.

So my next question is.... How do I deal with it? What would you do if you were in my situation? I didn't know he was going to be such an arse. I won't lie, there's been problems in the past. To the point of me saying I was leaving him. We very nearly got divorced, I genuinely thought he'd changed his ways. It's been fine, until summer holidays hit...

How to address it? Honestly, I have no idea. My husband and I pick our kids up at 3 am after nights out if they ask. They are teenagers and the need for lifts and running around has only increased in our house as they have grown older. Sorry I can not help because its never been an issue in our house.

I can't see mine doing 3am pick ups!

Guess I need to see what his attitude is like for the rest of the summer holidays....

What would happen on the day you need to leave early if you just got yourself ready and left for work and left him to deal with everyone else and get them where they needed to be?

Honestly I don't know how you address is because equal division of tasks like this has been part of the deal since we had kids. I just wouldn't settle for running myself into the ground doing everything and dp well away of that and happy to do his share. He's not doing me a favour, they are his children too and it's just part of the parenting package.

Tell him to drop to 30 hours
but he still pays in half the household costs and does equal share of drop offs and pick ups

or you can go full time, he can drop hours and do all drop offs and pick ups

is he benefiting from your higher wage?

So I work from home on my early day... One of us needs to leave house at 7.45to get them where they need to be. I'm happy to alternate as think that would be fairer, or even a conversation to set some plans. Husband doesn't run our daughter to clubs either, he says she won't go if he has to do it. If I don't take them they'll be home with me while I am trying to work.. I could go to office so maybe I'll start...

The even sillier thing is... His work wouldn't let him drop hours. So he'd have to find a new job. I am on a year contract so don't think I can change my hours until next June but could see about it then.

Thabj you for all the opinions. Think it's a fun stale mate weekend in store for us. I am waiting for an apology...

Good luck with this one.
We've always shared or taken in turns to do the taxiing when he's been away for work. I can honestly say that your situation has never arisen here.

Also meant to say yes ge benefits as we put all our money together

Just walk out of the house on your early days and leave him to sort it out. Go work somewhere else... cafe, office, whatever.

Could you share on a weekly basis, for example Week 1 you do drop offs and he does pick ups, Week 2 you swap. Or one of you does all the drop offs and one of you does all the pick ups?