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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Playdate day out

50 replies

Salsanoodle · 29/07/2022 08:17

We have annual passes to our local farm park, which cost over £200 for myself and my 2 children. The daily park fees are expensive, £14 per child and £12.50 per adult (adult prices are ridiculous - you're only going to take your kids, a token fiver charge I feel would be enough as you're going to buy a cuppa at the cafe at the very least, but anyway, not the point of this post).

We go once a fortnight / once a month at the least to make good use of the passes and get our moneys worth, and sometimes just pop in for an hour to the soft play etc.

If arranging playdates I often suggest it as a potential meet up place, along with a few other free suggested options (local forest/beach was etc).

I suggested the other day to meet my friend and her 2 children there. She said they'd come but since we've got our annual passes and would get in 'free' that I should pay half of their £40.50 entry!!

I told her that I was sorry, but i wasnt paying half their entry fee as I'd already paid money for our passes and wasnt getting in free. She said I'm an awful friend and selfish for not paying!!

AIBU to refuse this?!

Think our friendship is over regardless. I'm just so shocked that she'd expect us to pay half their entry.
In all our years of playdates with various friends and family, everyone has just paid their own entry fees for their own families etc.

OP posts:

mrsDracoMalfoy · 29/07/2022 08:23

YANBU to not pay half her fee but I wouldn't want to meet at place that would cost £40 to get in to either. I don't think your a bad friend or selfish but cheaper meet ups would be better for other people.

Penguinparty88 · 29/07/2022 08:23

YANBU that's crazy to think you would pay half. However if it was me, I wouldn't suggest it as an option to begin as it is an extortionate cost! I would stick to suggesting other options in future.

BeanieTeen · 29/07/2022 08:24

What a bizarre request. YANBU. She sounds a bit deranged, I’d happily wave that ‘friendship’ goodbye.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/07/2022 08:26

She’s crazy!!!! I wouldn’t have even thought she was being serious it’s that weird. Obviously she has the right to propose somewhere else if it’s too expensive for her, if you always default to the farm she might be annoyed. But to pay for her? Hell no

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 29/07/2022 08:27

That's outrageous. YANBU

00100001 · 29/07/2022 08:27

YABU to suggest it as place to meet up.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/07/2022 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

purpleme12 · 29/07/2022 08:29

What on earth.
This is laughable.
Of course she was in the wrong.
She had every right to say no to going there beforehand. You don't say someone should pay half cos they've got a season ticket 🤣

luxxlisbon · 29/07/2022 08:30

I can’t imagine a normal person having her reaction.

I also can’t believe how many people are suggesting you are being unreasonable because it costs money. So would you not ever suggest going for lunch with friends? To see a show? Cinema? Zoo?

If she didn’t want to pay she doesn’t have to go, simple.

luxxlisbon · 29/07/2022 08:31

00100001 · 29/07/2022 08:27

YABU to suggest it as place to meet up.

Why though?

Wickywickyyow · 29/07/2022 08:31

No you shouldn't pay but you are veing very unreasonable to suggest it as a needing place when you know it costs so much, just so you get your monies worth. It's selfish.

FindingANewLifePlan · 29/07/2022 08:32

YANBU to be shocked by her request to pay half, but YABU to suggest it as a play date place. I know you've said you suggest other places too but I'm wondering if you tend to lean towards this place because you've already paid and want to get your moneys worth.

Play dates for me should be relatively cheap - if I was paying £40 for a day out I'd be going with my DH and the kids, not a friend.

OutDamnedSpot · 29/07/2022 08:33

YANBU, but I used to have a similar membership and when wording it to friends I’d ask “Do you have [venue] membership? If so, we could meet there, or at [free places] if not”

BeanieTeen · 29/07/2022 08:33

I don’t know why people think it’s an inappropriate place for a meet up. If a friend suggests a place and I don’t want to pay so much or I just don’t fancy it, I’m a grown adult and can say so. Maybe I do fancy a day out somewhere special and am willing to pay, so then its a great suggestion for us.

tiggergoesbounce · 29/07/2022 08:33

Of course you shouldn't pay half, but i would have said" i wont pay half but we can go somewhere else instead"

She did go a bit OTT calling you a rubbish solely based on this, is she struggling money wise maybe and this tipped her over the edge.

BeardieWeirdie · 29/07/2022 08:33

Yanbu for laughing at her ridiculous request but YABU for suggesting somewhere so pricey! Everyone knows you go for a free country walk/beach trip/museum visit/park trip/garden play for a play date.

Dic · 29/07/2022 08:34

She's a freak

mrsbitaly · 29/07/2022 08:35

How strange and what an entitled person she is. I would never dream of asking someone this.

amylou8 · 29/07/2022 08:44

She's crazy, but not really a suitable playdate venue with friends that don't also have a pass.

purpleme12 · 29/07/2022 09:11

BeanieTeen · 29/07/2022 08:33

Yes I agree!

phishy · 29/07/2022 09:19

You were a bit smug to suggest a place she would have to pay £40 for.

I know you paid for annual tickets, but there is something calculating about your suggestion to go to that particular place.

I think your friend was right to be annoyed but she should have just handled it by suggesting somewhere else.

12.50 per adult (adult prices are ridiculous - you're only going to take your kids, a token fiver charge I feel would be enough as you're going to buy a cuppa at the cafe

This also says a lot about you, OP. Lots of adults enjoy farm parks, why should the park subsidise adults with kids at the expense of adults without kids?

And it’s not guaranteed everyone buys a cuppa at the cafe, lots of people bring their own drinks and snacks.

All in all, you do sound a bit entitled.

Coffeeenema · 29/07/2022 09:27

She's got more front than sainsbury's!

Harridan1981 · 29/07/2022 09:35

I'd always ask if the other person had passes before suggesting it as a venue. Did you suggest other locations at the same time?

We have a farm park similar which when reopening after COVID started doing two sessions per day, morning or afternoon, 2.5 hrs each. For the same price as a while day previously. So in excess of £65 for me plus 3 kids for 2.5 hours. 😱 I've refused on principle now sadly.

Even with a season ticket you still have to book either or and the whole park closes for an hour at lunchtime. If you want to do the whole day you sit in your car for an hour before being allowed back in.

She was unreasonable to ask, but I guess potentially was making a point? Grabbing at straws there, but possibly.

dancinfeet · 29/07/2022 09:39

YANBU not wanting to pay half of someone else’s entry ticket
YABU for suggesting it as a day out with a friend when it will cost you nothing and cost your friend £40 - different circumstance if she suggested it as a treat for her own kids.

TokyoSushi · 29/07/2022 09:44

Everybody is annoying in this situation. It was an unsuitable place to suggest as a play date. Yes, you've already paid, but in a way, your day out was 'free' while you were asking your friend to pay £40. I definitely wouldn't want to pay £40 for a play date. Obviously you shouldn't pay half of her fee.

I have a friend who has National Trust passes (we don't) she uses her pass to get all of the DC including mine in for 'free' so I just have to pay for myself, which is far more reasonable.

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