Jealousy of others’ newborns - just me?!

[GreatWestRoad]

I have two children who are 2.5 and almost 6 months. We know lots of people having babies at the moment and I feel very weird about everyone with babies younger than mine. I think it’s jealousy of their little newborns.

I know it’s really ridiculous to feel this way and I’m so lucky to have two healthy, gorgeous children. However, I can’t help it and I don’t really know why I have these feelings. Possibly it’s because my baby is growing up so quickly. My husband has made it very clear he doesn’t want anymore children, so I know there won’t be another baby.

Does anyone else feel this way? Does the feeling go away?

I remember getting that pang when I met a friend’s newborn when DD was 5 months old! Now I look at 5 month olds and get that pang because DD is 3! Normal I think, probably the body’s way of saying ‘ready for another’

Mine are roughly the same age and I kind of get it. Kind of. But then I think of those first weeks when 3 hours sleep was a "good night". At least my 5 month old only wakes once or twice now. And we're right in the fun bit right now, celebrating milestones and watching their little personalities develop.

And to those PP who are pregnant with their second and worrying, you soon realise how easy newborns are compared to toddlers! I love nursery days!

So why on earth are you having another baby if you "hate newborns"...? who in their right mind hates newborns....? that's what's bizarre/alien to me...

Your poor baby....not even born yet and already you're talking about him/her like this.

Wow. 😖😒😬

I much prefer having older kids, when I see newborns I feel nothing but relief that I'm out of that stage. But I felt jealous of pregnant women for ages- I hated being pregnant!! Makes no sense.

So I think it's totally irrational but totally normal!

She says in the post she hates the newborn stage, she’s having a baby because she obviously wants another child and enjoys children when they’re a bit older. I hated the newborn stage too but had a second because I wanted a second child, not a baby. There’s nothing wrong with saying that.

I think most of us know exactly what you mean but I promise you it eases as you age. Everyone has their moment in the sun. We’ve had ours and now it’s time for others to have theirs.

There is no need to be so rude. People are allowed to feel as they do. I feel exactly the same as cinna, does this make me a bad person? No. I love my son but found life got 100% easier when he got to 6 months old. Bad person? No. I currently have a month old baby and Im probably going back on antidepressants because I find the newborn stage worse than anything else I've ever experienced and that isn't to say I've had an easy life. Does this mean I don't love her/shouldn't have had her/I'm a bad mum? No.

And as for why have a baby, if I could pop out a six month old I would but sadly that isn't an option. I want to love and care and provide an amazing life for these two humans for years and years to come (well for ever) so why should I not do it just because I hate the first few months?

@Coffeeenema really glad you’ve been called out by others as well as me, as that was completely unnecessary.

I hate the newborn stage as I have PTSD from a horrendous birth, where both me and my daughter nearly died. I was in ITU and baby in NICU. I have life changing injuries that I will never fully recover from. Thankfully my DD now is fine but she was unwell for much of the first year of her life, which was extremely tough and difficult. For me, the newborn phase wasnt snuggling on the sofa, it was nearly dying, hospital appointments, pumping on a hard chair in NICU when I was briefly allowed to see her and not being able to hold my baby. I have zero found memories until about 4 months, in fact I hated it.

I love her to absolute pieces now, she’s the light of my life. I love being a mother, now, to a child. Nothing wrong with not liking her as a baby. I still did my best and cared for all her needs until the love kicked in. I’m having another baby as I want another child. I actually disagree with the principle of someone having another child just because they like the newborn stage, it’s like getting a puppy and then realising they grown into a dog!

I think when you're in the middle of sleepless nights/cluster feeding/reflux etc you don't realise how utterly small and helpless they are. They're just something you have to get through until they turn into squishy toddlers. And then you see someone else's baby and you think, mine couldn't possibly have been that small?! But someone else's baby doesn't come with the crushing responsibility!

My second was born in lockdown so I do get very jealous when I see the baby groups on Facebook that I couldn't go to. But he's a squishy toddler now which is a consolation.

Not newborns but I am jealous every year of those with children just starting primary school. The primary years are definitely the best years. DS has just become a teenager and I fear it’s all down hill from here. He has been lovely since he finished school for summer though!

I am very jealous of people with teeny baby puppies though but they don’t stay teeny for long at all!

Weirdly yes I do get this sometimes, my DD is 4 months old. I don’t understand it as I didn’t really enjoy the newborn stage - she was very colicky and high needs. I think it’s just the missing how tiny they are! I also didn’t enjoy being pregnant but sometimes miss the anticipation of that time too.

I had an appointment at the hospital recently and the dept was directly below the maternity wards so I just kept seeing pregnant women and their partners, and I felt sooo jealous even though I had my 6 month old with me for company! Crazy

I do think this is fairly odd if I'm totally honest, yes. I've never really understood baby jealousy. One thing if you are childless or TTC but from someone who already has kids, no don't get that at all.

😂

I have 2 teens so I think how bad that is and i soon get over the feeling 😁

I get it. I've got three kids aged 7, 5 and 2 so I've been in the baby stage for YEARS. I definitely do not want another baby, and hated being pregnant, but even so, I do feel a twinge of something when a friend gets pregnant or has a newborn.

I don't think it's jealousy as such, because I don't want what they have, it's more a sense of nostalgia for something I'll never have again.

I feel similar when I see couples I know in the first flirting and butterflies stages of relationships. It's such a specific feeling and I hopefully (I'm happily married!) will never feel it again, but still... there's a twinge of the same sort of thing.