To cut off my client and focus on working through my relationship

[Amiabadmumfor]

I’m feeling really lost at the moment and for some reason wanting attention from someone who’s not my partner.

My partner and I generally have a good relationship but lately I’ve been vacant. When we have sex I’m not ‘in it’ and I don’t feel like talking to him about the anxiety I’m currently experiencing over certain things. At the moment I run a full-time business and he’s at home. My DS is in nursery twice a week and at my mum’s once a week and my partner still isn’t working.

We had a conversation about it the other day and I know he’s unhappy and we spoke about work and I’ve encouraged him to get a job, he keeps saying he ‘doesn’t know whether he wants to’.

I appreciate all he does at home, although he doesn’t do much housework! But I appreciate he is great with DS. I don’t work weekends or evenings and I work from home so I’m always here too, it has been nice for me to be able to split time with work and DS.

The thing is this: I have a client who I think is gorgeous. He works in finance and then has his own business alongside it which I support. He’s really nice and we speak a little bit over text most days, generally about work and nothing inappropriate. But I am finding myself wanting to message him more and more and long for him to message me too. I know it’s inappropriate but there’s something lacking in my relationship. I wouldn’t want to split us up because of DS and besides how I am feeling right now I have been happy.

My client is on a retainer but because he was a new client when I was first starting out, he pays a lot less as I didn’t put his rates up when our costs moved up. If I decided to end the working relationship it wouldn’t have a financial strain on me.

I don’t know what the best thing to do is right now, to keep feeling unhappy, to cut off a client, to tell DP how I’m feeling (won’t end well).

If you’ve made it this far, what would you do?

You can't continue like this. Seems to me you may have lost some respect and desire for your partner due to his lack of work and contribution at home. Let's face it, its not attractive.

I dont think cutting off this client will solve the problem, its the symptom not the cause. Until you mentioned him and your partners behaviours, I thought you sounded depressed. But clearly its loss of feelings for your partner and I can see why.

I cant see it getting better until you have a conversation with your partner about it AND he takes action. How easy or viable that is depends on his attitude.

But the first thing is, you know the source of why you're feeling like this, which is half the battle.

Personally I would cut off the client. It doesn't solve the issue but you'll stop feeling distracted and have a clearer head to be able to start working on the issue and think about what you want to do re the relationship with DP.
Sounds like it's time for a sit down and a serious talk with your partner.
Good luck, I hope things get better x

Does your partner have MH issues? If not, the fact he does not know if he wants to get a job would seriously piss me off. He's at home all day yet your mum has your child once a week and it attends nursery. Does he do all the domestic stuff if you are working?

Relationship sounds incredibly dull and dead.
What you said about sex is also concerning. You DP sounds incredibly unattractive as a partner, he sounds lazy and im hoping the 3 days a week that your ds is at nursery/parents, that you dp actually does something to run the household and keep everything clean and tide ag the very least.
hHowever if roles were reversed no one would say anything to a stay at home mum so I'm going to take that into account now.
I think the best thing to do here is to stop the daily contact with client, stick to business only.
If all contact can be stopped that would be better.

Then give the relationship a go. Go out with DP, dress up, get a babysitter for DS and just have a date together. Nothing expensive, just drinks or a pub dinner and a walk by a canal or something (sorry lots, of pubs with canals here so that's first thing I can think of!)
Go home, and see where the night takes you. See if you can recapture that magic.

If it really doesn't happen, don't be disheartened, it might just be enough to get DP to be more motivated to being a partner rather than just a stay at home dad.

There is a huge chance that none of this will work. It sounds irreversible But at the very least, you gave it a try.

You say you don't want to split up because of DS - please don't blame a child for staying in a bad relationship because that's exactly what this will be seen as when your DS is older.
I split with exh when dd was 1. I couldn't ever let her grow up thinking a relationship like the one her dad and I had was normal.
Children need parents where they are both happy to be together. Where love, respect, adoration, and a true partnership exists.

Urgh, I couldn’t respect someone who “doesn’t know if they want to get a job.”

Your problem is your partner not your client.
Dp is a cocklodger, he needs to get his shit together or get out.

Why isn’t your partner working? Just because he doesn’t want to?