Recently had a difficult family trip and need some support/validation/advice....
My father retired this year and emigrated to the South of France where he has just bought a house.
Before moving he lived with us for two months, as he had sold his house in London and was waiting for the new house to be ready. Which went really well.
I've come out to France this week to help him with getting settled in - put furniture together, clean, unbox things. That was the agreement. I have minimal annual leave left so I've had to work remotely throughout. I also just got over Covid and am feeling pretty weak. My dad is sadly pretty incapable of doing any of this and I didn't want to leave it to overwhelm him.
Throughout the time I've been here he's been shouting at me, non stop. 'No, don't open those boxes, don't touch my things'. 'No, don't put that there, put it here' (scream). 'I wish you didn't come', etc. It's been extreme, and he's also been shouting at the animals and generally cursing all day long. He also has been waking up every hour of the night so neither of us have slept.
Yesterday on my lunch break I put his new bed together whilst he fussed over re-washing a coffee spillage off a sheet (that had already been dealt with, ie , faffing).
When I pointed out that he didn't say thank you for doing the bed, he shouted and told me he doesn't need to. When I ask him not to shout (calmly), he makes out he's the victim and I'm treating him badly.
My dad has high narcissistic traits and none of this is new to me, however usually Im able to leave if he's being abusive but it's not so easy overseas. I've booked an early ticket home, and won't be helping again.
In the last two years I've managed 100% two of his house moves which have been very intense, with him doing nothing or having a go at me. I've done it as I've known if I dont, he won't and it will be a disaster (not mine I know). That ends now anyway.
My question is what to do about the future. I don't want to visit his house again, but I feel guilty. Do I just stay in hotels? Visit nearby cities and invite him to meet me if he chooses to? I feel really guilty about all of it. My dad has lots of good traits and I love him but this trip has been a nightmare and I feel I'm somehow being dramatic or unreasonable.
Can anyone relate?
Thanks for listening if you've made it this far