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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to help DC?

3 replies

HelpingDCToSeeItsOk · 28/07/2022 12:14

Last week my 8yo got overexcited, jumping about and spinning round due to it being the school holidays - we finished for summer on Tuesday 19th so have been off over a week.

We were at my GPs house (DCs Great GPs – they’re nearly 90) and DC jumped into a coffee table and knocked it over, knocking a hot drink over my GPs in the process.

I’d told them 4 times to calm down and sent them out of the room once to calm down but they still got overexcited (they have some SN).

I admit I shouted, I didn’t swear I just said “For goodness sake (DC) I’ve told you 4 times to calm down now look whats happened” and DC ran from the room crying. I don’t usually shout or get mad and there’s also a history of DV from ExH to us (I left him years ago but we still have emotional scars) so DCs reaction was expected.

GPs where fine thankfully it just got their trousers a bit wet and they had to have a change, I cleaned up the mess and then went to find DC. We talked it through, I said sorry for shouting but I was scared they’d really hurt GP with their silly behaviour. I told them it’s ok to be excited about something but we don’t jump about or spin around without control. I made DC say sorry to GP and thought we’d moved on.

Except DC hasn’t. They’re now very quiet, won’t show enthusiasm for anything, refused to get involved with anything at holiday club earlier in the week – it was an activity they’d usually be first up to get involved in, they just sat at the side sadly and watched.

Chats from their favourite holiday club worker and from me haven’t helped, they just say their sad and they hurt.

I assume their shocked they hurt their GGP, and are upset by that. There’s been similar incidences before but less shocking, they got overexcited on a school trip and knocked another child over.

Is there anything I can do to help DC through this? I don’t think chats are helping

OP posts:
Rowen32 · 28/07/2022 12:44

Can you try distinguishing the behaviour from them as a person? So shame happens when we feel wrong.. Can you explain they are not wrong, they don't need to feel ashamed, it was just a behaviour that ye can work on together. Talk about different parts of the brain, separate the part that can get a little bit overexcited, say we're going to help this part to calm down a little or find safe ways to be excited (totally fine to spin around etc but just find a safe space). It sounds like they've internalised the whole thing and are feeling ashamed (shame silences us so we can't speak) hence you need to get them out of that. Maybe draw some pictures so they can focus attention on the brain/the behaviour and not them internally as a person and their worth..

RedHelenB · 28/07/2022 12:48

Sounds like they're sulking. I don't see the need to apologise for shouting, you'd told them in a normal voice enough times. I'd leave the subject alone now, they'll come round.

Mally100 · 28/07/2022 12:51

RedHelenB · 28/07/2022 12:48

Sounds like they're sulking. I don't see the need to apologise for shouting, you'd told them in a normal voice enough times. I'd leave the subject alone now, they'll come round.

Agree, they seem to enjoy the pandering to them. At 8yo they are well old enough to behave, especially after being told 4 times. And your choice of words wasn't even bad. Seems like they don't like being told off. I would just leave them to sulk for a bit.

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