Yesterday I had some exciting news to share with my mum. By the time I spoke to her on the phone around 4pm she was drunk. This is often the case. I feel like I have a tiny window per day between her finishing work and opening a bottle where I can actually have a conversation with her.
Back story is she's always been a drinker but since my dad died suddenly 4 years ago it's gotten out of control. She drinks daily, sometimes in the morning. I've noticed when she hasn't had a drink her hands shake. She tries to put this down to an accident she had that damaged her wrists but I'm not convinced. She isn't a particularly horrible drunk but she talks rubbish, slurs, sways and staggers, makes bizarre facial expressions and can be argumentative. She doesn't remember things she's said or done and spends a lot of time ringing people and talking rubbish to them. I've had friends of hers phone me and express concern.
I've had enough. I hate it. When I went into hospital to have my youngest she was looking after my elder two who are 10 and 12. She drank then. Luckily they are old enough to look after themselves and she is no harm to them anyway but their dad (my ex) picked them up from her and noticed. So then I get comments made straight after giving birth. I was livid.
She helped with childcare a lot with the older two when things weren't so bad but now I can't trust her with the baby which is so so sad. She's missing a relationship with her grandchildren because she's choosing to drink.
She came round about 11am the other day clearly having had a drink. I lost it. She got upset and said it's because she's lonely but how is drinking stopping that? If anything it makes her more lonely as she is isolating herself and alienating people when she could be out pursuing healthier hobbies and things that make her happier.
I understand she's grieving I really do. We all are. But I'm sick of dealing with a drunk and having the same conversations why it's not good for her. I've had my own issues with booze over the years but have come to realise that it's something that should be enjoyed in moderation now and then not something that is abused everyday at the expense of your health and relationships.
She denies she has a problem because she is able to function and go to work. She denies 'causing a scene' when she staggered into a family bbq and spoke rubbish to my in laws a few weeks back. She denies saying anything wrong to my ex when I was in hospital. She just doesn't realise how obvious her drunkenness is.
I'm worried and sad and angry, there is no al anon near to me so can't vent there. Dh is supportive but her behaviour irritates him. I'm just so done with it all but she's my mum and no contact isn't an option. Anyone resonate?