We are the noisy neighbours!

[BrednasBigBux]

I'm mortified. We've a 4 year old and a 10 week old in an end of terrace. We moved in 5 months ago and neighbours (middle aged man and woman, no kids) moved in a few weeks ago. We can hear various normal bits of noise from them like dogs barking, doors being closed loudly, light maintenance work like hammering, dodgy pipes, rare very loud conversations, etc. Not ideal but all okay for a terrace and to be expected. But we are awful! Both our kids scream daily. The baby for obvious baby reasons, but the 4 year old has no volume control, doesn't stop, tantrums, shouts, won't respond to our behaviour management strategies then huaband starts raising his voice as well. Yes, we are urgently making changes to address all this, but my AIBU is...

Would we BU to knock on our neighbours' door with a card or cakes to apologise for all the noise we're making? It's not 24/7, it's at certain pressure point tines of day, so bathtime, getting ready to go out in the morning. We are otherwise considerate neighbours and love where we live so I'm so embarrassed to be Those Noisy People and want to let our neighbours know we're aware there's an issue and we're working to solve it.

How would you react if you were our neighbours?

Can you move next door to us please? I think we are the noisy neighbours too. glares at dh who has no volume control
DCs are currently in bed or on screens so it’s not as bad as usual.
Honestly it wouldn’t bother me, better than all night parties!

Don’t do it.

If you admit you make noise and make them uncomfortable then you’re giving them an opportunity to complain in the future.

They’ll probably know you’re not making noise on purpose. Especially kids crying. Don’t be embarrassed about it. They also chose to live in a terrace. If they wanted peace and quiet they should have bought a detached in the middle of nowhere.

There’s nothing stopping you from going round with cakes or treats at special occasions or if you’ve “baked too many”. But don’t go there apologising about the noise. It’s just life.

I wouldn't say anything unless they do. Right now they haven't mentioned it which means they either understand that you have small children and noise is to be expected, or the noise isn't travelling as much as you think/they're fairly tolerant to the noise, or they're silently seething and will be knocking at your door soon.

From experience, the first two are the most likely. Most people are pleasantly reasonable and can put themselves in other people's shoes. Your DC won't be small forever, they're not making a noise to be malicious, what would be the benefit in complaining to you?

So yeah, I'd say nothing and going round with cake, etc is just going to draw attention to the noise which is counterproductive if they're content to ignore it. If they did knock then just explain what you've said in your OP.

Our next door neighbours apologised when their small child went through a (18 month) phase of constantly shrieking. We of course said it was fine, even though it put us off using our own garden for a while as the noise was just piercing. We appreciated their apology and are expecting our own baby, so will hopefully even the score a bit!

Don't apologise for normal human behaviour

Our neighbours were similar, 3 kids, mayhem in the morning and bath times. Screaming, banging. Literally bouncing off the walls of our terraced home. They moved, problem solved and new neighbours have normal noise. Nobody can expect silence in a terraced home but there is a limit on what the neighbours find tolerable. I don't think a card or cake would have softened the stress of the constant noise levels of our old neighbours. I'm so glad they are gone.

We are too. My DD has meltdowns which probably drives the whole street nuts. My delightful neighbours have banged on the wall on occasions, that really helped her stop .
However I can hear next doors dishwasher and taps being run so the sound proofing isn't great anyway.

Absolutely not.
You are not doing anything wrong or out of the ordinary. Antisocial noise is dogs barking continuously, overly loud music or DIY at unsocial hours etc. Not children crying and their parents
shouting when at the end of their tether.
If you start apologising for normal noise they may well take it as carte Blanche to start demanding you stop.
Be a good and friendly neighbour and then will understand you are good people.

Glad it's not just us! My DH has no voice volume control and he's always so loud. I have to constantly remind him we are indoors and he doesn't need to tell the whole town what he's saying🤦 I am often shutting the back door at 7am (open for dog/warm weather) because he's so loud you can genuinely hear him down the street so I do worry for our neighbours. Fortunately they have said they don't hear anything, so they're either very polite or our house is incredibly sound proof 😂

If anyone finds the volume control please let me know!

I'm next door to a young family and our walls are crap! They're bloody noisy - kids shouting and crying, the couple arguing, he's a right mansplainer and then they have family round who are even noisier still. They spend a lot of time in their garden and I could tell you so much about their lives it's scary...

I don't really care - they're quiet by the time I want to go to bed and I'm usually at work so don't hear them in the week anyway. Sunday mornings they try to keep them quiet (by shouting at them but at least they're trying!). They also are really friendly, take parcels in for me, always chat but never encroach and their kids are unfailingly polite.

In fact, they have asked me to be quiet on occasion in the evening when I've had my (grown up) kids round and we were laughing and talking, and while it made me smile I did get it - effectively their bedroom is to the side and above my living room.

I could have much worse neighbours, unless they mention it I wouldn't stress - just keep smiling lots when you see them!

You live in a terrace, noise is all part of the experience 😀 unclench and enjoy your life.

ILoveTwix he might be slightly deaf?

Well I feel much better about it all now! Thank you all for giving me a bit of perspective. Sorry to those who've had genuinely horribly neighbours, that's awful. Loving the advice to unclench @Summerfun54321 Just what I need to do - just realised every muscle in my body is actually clenched lol

My next door neighbours left me a little note (and some cake!) apologising for any noise after their baby was born. I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful of them and the thought was very much appreciated.

I've been at the receiving end of noisy neighbours - loud music with a thumping bass, banging around the property, talking at top volume, horrible dog barking non stop all day, radio on at full volume in the garden every time the sun is out and a famous 80s band's song on repeat at 1am when I had work the next morning...I did go mad at this one! Kids though wouldn't bother me, although if you can guide the four year old to be more mindful of the noise they make, that would be very considerate to your neighbours. I wouldn't mention it, just work on the four year old.