Secret confessions thread

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Okay, so, we all have these thoughts; things we know we DEFINITELY are being unreasonable about and yet we can't help but think them.

This is that thread. A chance to say whatever you want judgement free. You know it's silly, you know it makes no sense but it's how you feel. Feel free to share! It might make me feel a little less crazy.

I'll go first...

My best friend gave birth to twins today and I am INSANELY jealous. Simply because I want twins. I know it's stupid, I know I likely won't even have twins but I want them so badly and now she has them. I feel like she's stolen the twin dust and there will be none left for me!

Like I said - just somewhere to post how you're feeling consequence free

I revel in the fact that as I was growing up I was treated as the stupid disadvantaged kid.
fast forward to my 20s 30s….

I fucking love pulling up on in my new cars, owning my own very expensive home since my 20’s, my fabulous husband and 2 DC, my own successful business.

All while the people I was compared to, or looked down at me are living very mediocre lives, scraping by. They underestimated me. Completely.

I don’t care about that stuff, only infront of those people.

Absolutely not made up!

H got taken to the cleaners in other ways, so definitely didn’t get off Scott free but I was damned if I was going to let her set a bomb off in my life and then not have the equivalent happen to her…

My father died when I was a teenager. I felt relieved when he died. He was an alcoholic that drank so much that we lived in poverty. He made my mum miserable and exhausted.

I can't say this to my family as they talk about him like he was a saint that was taken too soon. My local community thought the sun shone out of his backside too as he was a member of the local church.

I want my mum to die before my dad so, if she leaves me any money, I can give it to him (they were unhappy for years; she was emotionally abusive and a bully, to both of us but more to him).

I cannot find it in me to like my friend's DD. Friend is someone I've known for decades and she is very very dear to me. Partly it's because her DD looks a lot like friend's appalling ex who put her and still puts her through a lot of shit, and I just see him. Yes, I know how unfair that is.
Partly I just find the DD hard to warm to; she's deliberately disobedient and ill-mannered, eats like a toddler and snarks at everybody. This is NOT a critique of my friend's parenting; she does amazingly.
I know how horrid this all sounds/is.

@Onlyforcake - I respect your choice. Want to give you a hug...

I wee in sinks

My stepmother was an utter bitch when I was a child and she was the OW who broke up my parents' marriage. I always said I'd dance on her grave when she died, but actually, it's pretty sweet already watching her become a woman in her 70s who is in poor health, while my DM (similar age), is hale and hearty. Her health is so poor that she can no longer go off the sort of long haul, eye-wateringly expensive holidays that she loves so much. Boo hoo!

Just like another poster on here (and countless others of course in real life), I have done sex work. On and off (never full time) for over 20 years. Once I had guilt about it, but not for a very long time. Never regretted since, certainly don’t now.

Mine is really awful, I’m a jealous bitch.
I love children, my main want in life is to have children. I’m about to graduate as a vet. I’m 23 and I’ve been with my partner since 19. He too wants kids but in 5 years or so.

I’m desperate for a baby. So desperate that I cried after I heard his 38 year old cousin was expecting her first. They announced 13 weeks after their wedding so I’m guessing it happened immediately for them. She doesn’t ‘believe’ in kids before marriage so I know they weren’t trying beforehand.

I just felt so distraught and I have convinced myself I am infertile and I will never have children. It felt physically painful to hear she is expecting a child. It’s batshit, I know it’s so stupid to feel like this at 23. So many friends have their own children though, lots had them at 16/17/18 so really quite young and I went to vet school to work on my career.

Secretly I wish I’d fallen pregnant and had a little one. I know that I’m better off with a good job if I can get one but it just feels like such a primal desire. It’s so odd and I’m not usually like this.

I would never ever do anything to increase my chances of getting pregnant. We use protection and we’re careful but it just makes me feel so depressed and sad. I’ve looked deeper to see why I feel like this. I’m not looking for a child to ‘fix’ anything I just absolutely love them.

I feel like a new woman after having friends’ or family member’s kids for the weekend. I love them dearly and they make me feel so alive! I just can’t explain it, I feel euphoric.

I looked after my niece for 2 weeks once and I cried the night before she went home and that night too. The house felt so empty.

I never really got over my depression - I just hide it better, and look like I’m “talking about my feelings”…

I used to be an escort

I needed this thread...

I think about blowing up my sister's marriage daily as she's a parasite who married for money and cheats on him (including gloating she shagged a man in their bed and offering a friend of mine a bj in the toilets whilst we were out celebrating said attached friend's NEW BABY!).

She's a narcissist, always been a massive c-word to me. She's gotten worse as we've got older, she's currently exploiting our mother out of money whilst simultaneously rubbing it in my face how rich she is (it's her husbands money and the cash she exploits off my parents), knowing damn well I'm having money worries.

There is a chance I'll be between jobs when my in laws next visit. FIL is very old fashioned and sexist and in 11 years has never asked me anything more personal that "would you like some more wine" which leaves me with my MIL who can be manipulative and literally never shuts up. I am fine with her in small doses but struggle with ALL DAY.

DH and I have agreed if I'm out of work when they visit we'll tell them I'm still working so I can shut myself in my home office for 8 hours per day. I've recently discovered she snoops when no one is around to entertain her as well - not sure what to do about that one.

I hate the person who sold me her house she lied about a lot of things and left the house dirty i hate you hate you hope i bump into you one day you will be sorry

I’m flattered 😂😂

My day job has very little to do with what I did, other than it made it quite easy for me to set up the HoldCo that I used to buy the freehold in such as way that she wouldn’t be able to see me listed as a director
And I knew the way in which to approach the previous freeholder to offer to buy it

I got her sacked because she talked about taking drugs in her emails to exH, and she worked in a job/industry which was subject to random drug testing and a strict drug policy. One call to the whistleblowing line saw her tested and sacked. When she updated her LinkedIn with her new job, they had a call to tell them why she was sacked from her last job. Because she was a serial contractor, the employers didn’t chase references in the same way as for a permanent contract

But if you don’t want to believe me, you don’t have to
Short of posting a link to her fb and Twitter showing her regular oversharing, I can’t prove it

I dont think my kid is trans and I have to bite my tongue when they are going on and on and on about it. I wish they would snap out of it.

I’m an only child but everyone when I was growing up thought I had a brother. A family friend stayed with us when he went to university, and he was only 5 years older than me. We did lots of sibling type things like go for long walks and bike rides, and if we went to the pub for Sunday lunch he came too. I told people he’d been at boarding school which is why they hadn’t seen him before (we moved house at just the time he would have gone to boarding school).

When he left uni, I told people he’d moved up to London for work (he had, and still came to stay some weekends), then he married and moved to Cornwall (also true), which was a sufficiently long way away for him not to visit regularly.

I bumped into an old school friend I hadn’t seen for years recently, and she asked after him. It took me a minute to remember I was supposed to have a brother, but I composed myself sufficiently to say that yes, he was still married to Caroline and still living in Cornwall, and that we’d been down to stay with them last summer.

I have a crush on someone 20 yrs older than me and want to be his fuck buddy 😈

I wrote “So and so” is a slag on the school toilet walls and acted horrified when it was shown to me. But secretly I was enjoying the buzz and gossip.

The girl was a nasty evil bully who made my life hell but I still felt bad about it and regret it to this day. The elated feeling I got from doing it was scarily delicious so I backed away from the vengeance road lest it take me to darker places…

I really REALLY dislike a friends daughter - I have never liked her, I first met her aged 8 and she was a precocious grabby rude little brat then and she is now 16 and even worse.

I would never EVER tell friend and friend is aware her daughter is hard work and often unpleasant and absolutely does her best, so theres no point. But oooh, she is really obnoxious.

Another old school friend on facebook... i really really really want to shout at her. She never posts a single positive thing, yes she has had a hard life, much of it of her own making but who hasn't made poor choices here and there - but she appears to revel in the misery, she only posts to tell us all the gory details about being in hospital AGAIN, being in so much fucking pain, having this procedure or that procedure done (or moaning that they won't do this or that).

She had a bunch of kids with severe learning disabilities and ND... was told after the first one this WAS genetic and there was a high chance any further child would be the same (they require full time residential care beyond the toddler stages). She kept having them - she has one who is able bodied and NT, the last one.

Her health problems (all chronic, 'bunch of symptoms' jobs, nothing provable) only occurred after the last kid went into care and she was left with the normal kid and no more constant attention from health visitors, social workers, hospitals etc... I genuinely think she has MADE herself ill to get the attention she has come to crave.

I honestly want to slap her, she was such a vibrant, funny, creative, imaginative person and now she is a miserymonger and emotional vampire.

I know this is me being intolerant, I live with a fuckton of pain and horrible conditions and I understand that griping on about them will only serve to make my life worse, I kind of think if I can just get on with it, and limit the gringing to the occasional post once every six months or so.. why can't she!!

@Blizzardbeach the correct response was ‘no worries - you take the baby to the spare room with you, and I’ll give you a shout when dinner’s ready’.

I buy tuna in brine specifically so I can drink the brine.
I've been dying to tell that little secret for years!

Similar to a lot of other posters. I really REALLY dislike my mil. She constantly gives me the silent treatment when we’re alone but then is so chatty when DH is there. It took him a while before he fully believed me. She has caused so much trouble between us for various things that he initially couldn’t see. He sees it now though. Every night before we sleep, I pray that he will get THE phone call in the middle of the night … I feel so guilty feeling like this but can’t help it.

I have been in love with the man I dated from ages 16-20 my entire life.
^ I could have written this. Except mine was from 15-19.

He was my best friend's big brother, my first boyfriend, and the love of my life. Except l was too young and naive to tell him that. I was utterly head over heels in love with him, but l never told him how l felt.
He worked away a lot (very successful at what he did) and we sort of drifted apart. He ended up moving to the States for work.
I last saw him at his sister's 21st birthday party, by then he was married with a child but he was over here for a week or two for work. We talked for hours, and ended up spending a few clandestine days together. We talked, cried, and told each other how we felt. He'd felt the same as me, but thought that l 'wasn't that bothered. It destroyed me. It still does. He said he loved me and that he'd leave his wife and child, but l said no, he had responsibilities, and he agreed and we left it there. We were both heartbroken when he eventually went home.

His marriage wasn't happy, and he turned to drink before he left her. Which was weirdly around the time l was getting married. Which l shouldn't have done, it was a disaster. His sister's told me that if she'd known how to get in contact with me, she'd have got us back together.
He died not long after, he was just in his forties but we weren't in touch.
His sister 'found' me again a few years ago and it's brought everything back. She spent a lot of time with him when he was dying and she said he asked about me a lot, if she knew where l was (she didn't).
He gave her everything l'd ever given him, letters, presents, cards, jewellery he'd kept it all. And he asked her to find me if she could, and tell me he'd always loved me. She gave me everything back, he'd wanted me to know how he felt about me. It's absolutely broken me.

I'm so happy to have her back in my life (she's my best friend) but it's hard. She's so like him. Looks, mannerisms, everything.
I've met his daughter (who was the baby when l last saw him). She knew about me, her aunt had told her we'd been together before she was born. I was very nervous meeting her, but she's lovely. She looks so much like him, she's beautiful. And she made me cry when she said "I can see why my dad loved you, he and my mum weren't right for each other. I wish he'd stayed with you."
I'm in my sixties now and I cry every day for him. I adored him and l still do. Always will.

Sometimes I wished didn't have children