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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reaction to pregnancy announcement

17 replies

Frida9 · 27/07/2022 19:02

AIBU to be upset that my family don't seem to care that I'm pregnant? Recently had my 12 week scan and phoned my mum who was thrilled, messaged my siblings and auntie in the group chat (small family) and have had no response whatsoever!
We told my husband's family at the same time, both his parents and sister phoned, his grandparents and aunties (one who I've never even met) got in touch to say congrats but my lot haven't so much as reacted to my message.
I lost a baby earlier in the year and it was the same then, my mum asked how I was getting on but it got to the stage where I said to her "does my dad not even want to know how I am?". Usually my dad is really supportive and really interested in what I'm up to, we're really close, but I didn't here from him at all. I'm just worried that because this is the 2nd baby in my side of the family (my sister had one last year) my family aren't fussed about another one. I really don't want my child growing up thinking they're somehow second to their cousin.

OP posts:
Meraas · 27/07/2022 19:08

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

YANBU, a quick 'congrats!' takes no time, unless you have texted them today? If yes, give them time.

YABU to already start catastrophising that your baby will be less than its cousin.

Do you have a good relationship with your sister, do you see her and baby?

FlissyPaps · 27/07/2022 19:08

I can totally understand how shit it feels when people don’t respond to news in the way you had hoped for.

Saying that, no one will be more happy or excited about the pregnancy as you and DH. I very much doubt your family “aren’t fussed”. People show their emotions in different ways.

Original poster
Frida9 · 27/07/2022 19:17

I think the cousin thing is maybe me projecting my feelings for how the family treat my sister and me, she got married first and it was a big deal, not such a big thing 3 years later when it was me because they'd done it all before. Was the same when I passed my driving test and graduated uni, my sister did it first so it wasn't as exciting for everyone second time round.
I think I'm also a bit upset because the one person who would have been really excited would have been my grandmother who died last year, she was ecstatic when my sister announced she was pregnant and she would have been the same now.
I'm worried that I'm coming across as jealous of my sister here and I'm not, we're very different people with different lives and I'm very proud of who I am, I'd just like my family to be as interested as my husband's are.

OP posts:
ChaosMoon · 27/07/2022 19:26

That's really crap. Have you ever tried to talk to them about it? What was your DM's reaction when you spoke to her about your DF last year?

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP

Original poster
Frida9 · 27/07/2022 19:29

ChaosMoon · 27/07/2022 19:26

That's really crap. Have you ever tried to talk to them about it? What was your DM's reaction when you spoke to her about your DF last year?

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP

She pretty much laughed it off, it very much felt like because it was early on in pregnancy my family thought there wasn't a real reason to be upset.

OP posts:
lugeforlife · 27/07/2022 19:32

Re your dad, how is he with 'womens things'? Hear me out but I had a number of years of infertility and baby loss, ivf then a twin pregnancy. My dad who I loved dearly and could talk about politics, books and films with for hours didn't ask me a single question.

I know he cared and was concerned because my mum told me. He just thought I'd want to talk to my mum. He wasn't wrong either tbh.

Appreciate I am probably 10/15 years older and so my dad would be an older generation but could this be a factor?

Fwiw he was a doting and very involved grandpa once they were here.

MsVestibule · 27/07/2022 19:33

Could it be the very informal way in which you told them? I think making such an important announcement by group chat is really strange. Did it not even warrant an individual phone call to each of them? I'd actually be a bit hurt if that's how my sister gave me important news.

Original poster
Frida9 · 27/07/2022 19:35

Not unusual for my family, they'd think it was strange if I phoned them tbh. I first saw a photo of my niece when my sister put it on Facebook and we're not estranged or anything.

OP posts:
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 27/07/2022 19:40

Unless there's a massive drip feed that your only 16, got married at Gretna green and your family are not impressed or some other major relationship issues Id agree with you that YANBU and it would have been nice for them to congratulate you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hopefully things will pick up for you.

Mulhollandmagoo · 27/07/2022 19:52

I imagine that would really hurt OP, I'm really sorry you have had this reaction 😔 were your parents excited about your sisters baby? Sadly chances are if they noticeably treat your sister differently, then they will likely treat your children differently!

I'd say quietly back away from them and invest your time into your child's relationship with their other grandparents - your in laws sound lovely and they will make a big deal of the baby I'm sure

TeddyTonks · 27/07/2022 19:55

That's a bit rubbish OP. Mine are similar. Adjusting your expectations really helps to avoid/manage disappointment.

Mally100 · 27/07/2022 19:55

Yanbu, it's irrelevant that it's the second GC, it's your first and a big deal to you! It seems like a theme with your family. To treat you second best. I would either confront them about this or put some distance, don't spend your entire pregnancy letting them make you feel sad and upset.

Babdoc · 27/07/2022 20:01

My mother’s only reaction when I told her I was pregnant was to sniff disdainfully and say “What will you do for money?”
I was a full time hospital doctor and DH was an IT professional!
I went completely no contact with both my parents before DD1 was born, due to their previous emotional abuse, violence and narcissism, and never saw them again. They both died before DD was 6.
Only you can decide whether it’s worth persevering with your own family, OP. But if you read about toxic families, you may find that your sister is the “golden child” whose every minor achievement is applauded, and you are the scapegoat, where nothing you do is valued.

CallOnMe · 27/07/2022 20:02

When did you post?

Have they not said anything at all or just not very enthusiastic?

If they’ve not said anything and it’s been a couple of days then I think it’s awful and I’d not want anything more to do with them Tbh.

It doesn’t matter how many babies or weddings etc have already happened, you still act over the moon even if you’re not (even though they should be).

CatSeany · 27/07/2022 20:20

My MIL said "Oh... right" and that was it, nothing else about the pregnancy for several months. I'll never ever forget or forgive it. It costs nothing just to say, or in your case message, "congratulations, that's brilliant news" even if that's not really what they think. You're not being unreasonable to be upset that your family couldn't manage that.

Ottersmith · 27/07/2022 20:35

My family are like that. No phone calls after the announcement. Then got Covid and not one of them asked how I was. They are really shit at expressing themselves in that way and are slightly self involved.

ChaosMoon · 27/07/2022 21:39

That's terrible. I'm so sorry you've been tested like this.

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