Ex calling for a 'natter'?

[peekaboo00]

My ex always wants to see me and talk to me. He will call me up just for a natter then get offended when I have nothing to say.

He says things like 'you never want to spend time with me' etc.

We have had a weird relationship. It was extremely emotionally abusive in the early days, I was trauma bonded without realising it so kept going back to him.

I'm in a much stronger place now, and I don't feel I need him anymore. He always tells me he loves me and he wants our family to work etc. I mean the bloke forgot my fucking birthday, I forget peoples birthdays too, but only those that I don't see or speak to often. The fact he forgot and didn't get anything from DD spoke volumes. Ever since then I've really not been interested. He said he would make it up to me by taking me and DD out for the day on HIS birthday!!!?? Since then I can't be bothered with him to be honest. I have tried and tried but he always lets me down.

Truth is I don't like being around him, he puts me on edge, I can't fully relax. He has done so many awful things to me in the past but struggles to understand why I don't want a relationship? It's almost like anything I say doesn't go into his head.

I used to be head over heels for this guy, I was so so in love, wanted to spend every waking second with him. & now after everything he has put me through I'm just not bothered. I'm unsure if I still have feelings or I genuinely don't want him anymore?

Limit communication to your DD only and grey rock everything else. He will kick up an absolute stink if you ever meet anyone else and accuse you of stringing him along. It's just not worth it imo

I agree. tell him from now on you won't be "calling up for a natter" and you only need to speak regarding your DD. I'd block him on everything and just use one email for child arrangements.

He sounds pretty unpleasant and self absorbed

I'm in a much stronger place now, and I don't feel I need him anymore
I bet he's picked up on that and is trying to hoover you back in.

He still thinks he owns you and he's still controlling you. And you're letting that happen. You ended the relationship in order to get away from him and his abusive behaviour, so why are you still putting up with this shit now that you've left? He's manipulating you and emotionally blackmailing you, ffs.

You are not 'a family' and you don't need to celebrate each other's birthdays or go out together. Your only contact should be about your daughter. You don't need to do anything with him beyond be there when he collects and drops off your child with you.

If he says 'You never want to spend time with me any more' then your response should be 'No, I don't want to spend time with you - I ended the relationship because being with you was making me incredibly unhappy, so I don't want to continue that unhappiness now that we're no longer together.'

He needs to back off. Tell him you have no interest in any sort of relationship outside of co-parenting. Don't respond to anything that is not related to your child.

He's an ex. Don't speak to him at all. He seems to think you're still partners and you seem to think you owe him your time and conversation.

Perfunctory one word responses about your child only.

My daughters dad still does this at least every 6 months or so. "Just calling for a chat". She's 13, we've been separated since she was 1. He hasn't seen her for at least 5 years and sporadically before that. She has her own phone if she wants to contact him. The conversations are never about her. Although occasionally I will get treated to some helpful parenting advice.

I ignore every call, but do normally message within the day to make sure it isn't anything serious - he's quite chaotic and isn't really in touch with his family. But for some reason he doesn't quite get that I have literally nothing to say to him. Everything that's needed to be said has fallen on deaf ears over the years, so I don't bother any more.

My advice is just to ignore him. Just don't engage unless it's about your child/contact etc.

You are giving this guy too much time and thought.

Keep comms to texts to only, no calls. And keep it factual regarding dc, don’t chit chat.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, if I don't speak to him he gets really depressed and he's saying to me at the moment he hates himself and wishes he was dead because he wants to be with me?

This latest ploy is just emotional blackmail OP, did he worry about how you felt when he was abusing you? Did he hell as like! So as other's have advised, stop talking to him, tell him via text that as he's obviously realised, you have nothing that you want to talk to him about, and in future all matters relating to your joint child should be done via text or email, and further phone calls will be ignored.

Yes, it's called hoovering and it's a ploy to keep you under his control. Don't fall for it.

I'd say bluntly Well that's not going to happen so perhaps you should seek professional help if you're that depressed.

I agree with all the others, he's an ex. I'd never be having a chat about anything. Text arrangements for kids and no further communication at all. If necessary say to him Its clear you seem to still harbour feelings for me, but I am very happy on my own and am planning a future. As such it's best we have clear communication which is purely about when you have contact with the children and nothing else.

OP bit by bit you are sliding back into a position where he is abusing and manipulating you. Don't let this happen. Either be clear with him and cut him out except for your child or let it go quietly, but you must let it go or you'll end up right back where you started. I'm sure you fought hard to get out of that position in the first place.