To not know where to turn with health anxiety

[jessydog]

It is actually breaking me now

I am 42 and in general good health but I have always had bad health anxiety for about the last ten years or maybe more. recently an uncle has been diagnosed terminally ill (both cancer) my uncle I'm absolutely heartbroken about as I love him. Plus it's come out of the blue and he honestly lived the most blameless and healthy life. Not smoked, ate well, been active. He is 73 but that is not "old" old I don't think.

I feel like this has made me worse. I was on holiday last week and found a tiny lump in the side of my neck. I have since come down with a bad cold and cough and think it must have been a slightly swollen gland, it's gone now. but I can't stop touching my neck to check it's still gone. it ruined the last few days of my holiday because I kept checking it obsessively and fearing the worst

This is just the latest in a long line of health worries and my biggest fear is cancer but I feel like this is justified as all you ever hear is 1 in 2 will get it.? At my worst I even sometimes avoid sex as I'm afraid in case I bleed after and I don't even like touching or looking at my own breasts in case I see or feel anything untoward. I have always had clear smear tests and no bleeding after sex so no reason to think I would ...but I know if it happened I'd freak. I even panic if a spot or mouth ulcer appears I worry it won't disappear Altho they always do so far

I actually just almost booked a private gp appointment to talk about this as I feel like I don't want to waste my nhs gps time. And also I feel like they'll listen to me more at a private appointment seeing as it costs so much . But then what can they do? Refer me for counselling which I can't afford ? Give me tablets - if there was a tablet that took these feelings away then i would take it but there isn't

I'm sorry this is so long
I'm sick of living my life in fear
I have a good life otherwise and I want to enjoy it

I hear you - I’ve been where you are. There was a tablet that made it all go away for me - Sertraline. I had some limited success with CBT but it was the medication that worked.

I can’t tell you what a relief it is to not be constantly focussing on random ailments all the time.

And speak to your NHS GP - it’s absolutely something you can ‘bother’ them with. I had CBT via a work EAP but I wish I’d started medication sooner.

I feel like they won't have much sympathy as they deal with so many people who are genuinely physically unwell whereas I am just worrying about the prospect 😞

I also obsess about eating enough fruit and veg and I exercise as much as possible but who knows whether that will protect me ?

My good friend recently had breast cancer as well, a year older than me, size six, a keen runner and healthy as anything
She's finished treatment and seems fine and hopefully is in recovery but she had to have a double mastectomy and chemo and again it just shows it can happen to anyone

@FfeminyddCymraeg

And I'm glad you're feeling better 💐

I tried sertraline a few years ago for depression / anxiety but it made me numb and also sorry for tmi but it made me not enjoy sex if you get my meaning 😳

The only thing that helped me was to hear my anxiety out, then rationalise that thought, and push it way. Them more I did this rather than keep obsessing over the thought, if I got a thought I could quickly rationalise it and push it way before it consumed me

You have anxiety and that is a genuine mental health ‘ailment’ (illness) that needs and deserves treatment just as much as any other illness.

I too go through periods of terrible health anxiety, which started in my early 20’s after I was found to have a particular (very treatable) condition which was dealt with and never returned since (20+ years). I know how debilitating it can be, but the one thing I have found most helpful is practicing mindfulness and mindfulness meditation. The key is to do it every single day, even if you don’t feel like it, it has a cumulative affect on your brain and behaviour patterns over time and has helped me to think more day to day and reduced my future anxiety and catastrophising. Look up ‘mindfulness based stress reduction’ and you will find videos on YouTube. This was better for me that medication as taking that just made me panic I would have side effects (self fulfilling prophecy!).

I have periods of horrible health anxiety, very much like you're describing. In fact I could have written some of it. It started when I had a rare but treatable condition in my early 20s, which went undiagosed for two years because my then gyneacologist didn't believe I had it (I did the research and found out about it, and told him about it). By the time I was diagnosed and treated by someone else, the damage to my mental health was done.

What works for me is CBT. I've had a few courses over the years, all via the NHS, and they just work so brilliantly. You can self refer via IAPT where I live, it might be the same for you. Of course it takes a while to get the appointment, but once you do it's fantastic. Just talking to someone helps.

I also have propranolol to control my panic symptoms because I get panic attacks, but of course that isn't necessary if you don't.

I have always avoided taking other medication until now because I was scared of the side effects (yay health anxiety) but have promised myself that if I have another breakdown I will try them, because I now have a child to look after and it isn't fair on him if I'm unwell long-term while I wait for CBT.

Well, 50% of us will get cancer, but how does worrying about it change anything? And actually cancer would be preferable to a lot of other illnesses, tbh. But 100% of us will die of something, and that's not a bad thing because living forever would be completely horrific. So let's just enjoy the life we have and let nature take it's course - at the moment you aren't enjoying the good health that you do have, so you definitely need to see a doctor for some help & support.

Thank you for the replies

Hi OP. I'm an NHS CBT therapist and treat health anxiety all the time.

You ARE genuinely unwell, so you have every right to see your GP and they will want to talk to you. The only difference is it's not a physical illness you have, it's a mental health condition. Health anxiety is a recognise illness with diagnostic criteria and it can be treated.

You can google your local IAPT and self-refer in most places. Our local service offers up to twenty sessions with a qualified therapist using evidence based treatment protocols.

In the meantime, you could start working through this self-help workbook at this link. It's a great course, really thorough but easy to understand, and teaches all the same techniques you'll learn in therapy if you choose to refer for it.

Good luck.

l do feel for you, Health Anxiety is a Mental Health disorder, linked with OCD often.
There is usually a trigger, either from childhood, bereavement, friend or family with serious illness/death.
It is not an illness cured by positive thinking or ‘pulling yourself together’
CBT counselling will help you to adopt strategies to overcome the obsessive thoughts which compound your certainty that you are ill or will become ill.
For me, specific anti depressants that are used to treat Anxiety Disorder/ OCD are the best help. Escitolopram & Sertraline are examples. I take Venlafaxine. It is true that these drugs numb emotions. However, being in a permanently anxiety state is unbearable & I personally would rather feel more detached.
I don’t ever expect non sufferers to understand the overwhelming feelings associated with this particular mental illness. Having lived with it for most of my adult life I try not to bother other people & mainly suffer in silence. From many years of counselling I understand why I have Health Anxiety (childhood related plus excessive cancer in my family). When people are dismissive of me, as they have been over the years, I now accept/understand we are all different & unique.
So basically, it’s a sympathetic GP, Counselling & probably the right drug for you. I wish you the very best.

I had horrific health anxiety that took over my life. CBT through the NHS really helped. Please speak to the GP, they’re used to it and won’t fob you off. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

You are unwell. You would not be wasting your GPs time in the slightest.
Medication and CBT on the NHS has changed my life. No more depression and anxiety.
You deserve help from your GP.

I could have written every word of this. It's actually made me cry. I'm currently on holiday having a shit time because I'm anxious.

I have nothing helpful to add but thanks you to everyone who has posted with help and support. I will book an appointment with my GP.

Echoing that you wouldn't be wasting the GP's time. It's sad that you think you would be

I thought I was the only one . Lost sister to cancer. Terrified I will go the same way. I can't tell anyone IRL

Oops, forgot to paste the link in my last comment. It's a great resource for anyone with HA.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Health-Anxiety

I've been where you are. I tried tablets (sertraline etc) and nothing worked until I did a course of CBT on the NHS. That has been such a life saver for me, honestly it's worth a try

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this 😞 x

Do you find it gets worse on holiday ? I do 😞

I work in GP and I totally echo the sentiment that you should absolutely speak to your GP. Actually it is a much more straightforward conversation for them if a patient has already come to the realisation that they need help for their health anxiety. They will most likely refer you for counselling.

CBT worked for me. As did time. Mine was linked to pure o ocd which was post natal. I lost an entire year when my baby was 3 imagining I was going to be disabled by MS. I used my private healthcare through work to get a neuro referral and mri and everything.

I tried a couple of anti depressants but they didn't really help. My gp referred me to group cbt where we had a variety of anxiety disorders and this helped me reframe my responses.

These days it can lurk when I'm tired or stressed or run down but it doesn't impact my day to day life. I mentally set myself boundaries (if it's still the same by x I will go to the drs etc) and if I end up at the gp I will say i have xyz symptoms and I'm worried this means a brain tumour or cancer etc. All the gps I've seen have been lovely at explaining to me why it isn't what I'm worried about so I'm not left thinking 'oh they rushed me, they may have missed this'

Please go to your gp and ask for some help. They can point you at some good online resources as well which may start helping in the interim.

I have been thinking about this and I think mine was triggered after the birth of my youngest child

I had to have investigations for a lump in my thyroid gland and after a few weeks was given the all clear however it was the most terrifying time of my life. I kept imagining leaving my new baby and other children motherless. I was only early 30s as well. I "lost" the first precious few months of my youngests life being terrified I was going to die

It did not end there because over the years my thyroid lump remained and kept growing so I had to keep having scans every couple of years. Although the drs reassured me it was "unlikely" to become anything sinister I knew that while I had it there was a chance. So it felt like a ticking time bomb
I was also hyperthyroid so becoming quite ill with that too

eventually I paid privately and had my thyroid removed, I'm on levothyroxine and feel much better for it. But I think it is what triggered all this and i am still angry they made me wait so long to have it removed and also that I had to pay for it