To not have been worried about DD?

[ldontWanna]

DD got invited this morning for a playdate, the mum letting me know she'll bring her back after 8:30 pm. All good. My mum is staying with us visiting. She came with me to drop DD then we went out. I told mum what time DD was coming back. On our way back I checked with DD friend's mum if she wanted us to pick DD up, she said they're fine and having fun and said again she'd drop her back at 8:30. Told my mum that and we went straight home. At 7 she started fretting, where is DD,why am I not worried? Because she's not due back yet. At 8 she starts again,is getting dark,where is my child ,why am I not worried,how is she getting home etc. I told her again because she's getting dropped off in half an hour. She started saying it's not right,she's been gone too long, it's getting dark. So I snapped and reminded her of me being a latchkey kid,alone all hours,out all hours, while she had no idea where I was,with whom I was or what I was doing. DD is just around the corner,at someone's house, with a responsible adult that I have known for the past 7 years,with a phone that she can message me on if she needs me and we have been in contact. She got all sulky and stopped asking questions.

So WIBU to not be worried about DD the whole time she was gone?

No,, you were not at all unreasonable

No! Your mum is a crackpot 😉

If it had hit 9.30pm and neither your DD nor the other mum were answering their phones, then I might have started to wonder what was going on. In your scenario, absolutely not.

No you were not being unreasonable at all. I have noticed though that grandparents sometimes think having grandchildren is a second chance at parenting? And so when they get all precious about a grandchild, I sometimes have a lightbulb 💡 moment that it’s because of guilt and over correction of what they did as parents.

No, of course not! Your mum is BU though.

My mum is like this, fretting and judgemental all the time about my parenting but conveniently forgets leaving me alone for weeks at a time from age 12 looking after my younger sister, smacking us when we misbehaved and many more examples of terrible parenting that I wont list here. Drives me bloody mad.

Yes I think this is true

At 8 she starts again,is getting dark,where is my child

Where are you that's it's getting dark at 8pm in July, I take it not in uk?

She also made a dig before we left that it wasn't ok for us to go out in case something happened with DD. Again,why am not worried, we'll be too far away (30 mins), what if something happens,how can I just leave her and go have fun.

1.it was something that would've had DD bored out of her mind, so I took advantage and got it out of the way while she was having fun with a friend.

1. I told the mum where I'm going and asked if she's ok with it in case of emergencies and ofc she was. Just like I am when I have other kids for a full day and their parents are shopping or working or doing whatever.

It just made me feel like this crappy ,neglectful mum and that I don't worry enough. DD is 10 btw,so not exactly a babe in arms.

I'm in England.Very cloudy and overcast here, which I think contributed to the "dark". Watching the clock must've made it even darker.

What did your mum not understand about “she’s being given a lift home at 8.30”? Does she think that somehow means 7pm?
She’s being completely ridiculous. What a shame she’s getting to you and making you doubt yourself.
@Discovereads That is a very good point.

She got to me because I didn't even think to worry and I definitely didn't think she would ,So her fussing like this really threw me. Plus I don't know if she's genuine or just having a dig at me, but on the chance she is genuine it made me wonder if I'm missing something or somehow lacking.

I'd be more concerned about your mum. Is she ok? It's a bit odd to be that dramatic about such a situation you've planned/in control of.

Ha!

When my eldest was primary age and I was working full time with meagre annual leave, my mum would regularly ask me “So what are you doing with DD1 at half term?” Well DD1 was spending half term with her nanny because I was working but I was always nonplussed as my mum was a SAHM and did fuck all with us at half term. I don’t feel deprived, we were happy enough to be off school and free to play. Once a year we’d be put in the train to grandma’s and one day every other half term we’d go in the back of dad’s car while he did his interminable East Coast sales repping route, fighting each other while he was in with customers. We’d end up in a seaside town and have a knickerbocker glory.

I mean mum was a pretty lovely mum but they do seem have amnesia about their own parenting. Later on we had a fab au-pair, they are only supposed do limited and light housework; my mum once emerged from the loo index finger held aloft, and informed us all that the au-pair certainly hadn’t dusted the skirting boards recently. This from a woman whose skirting boards sheltered entire ecosystems. It was bizarre!

She's ok,in her own way. Just very stubborn and weird and once she gets something in her head that's that. Yesterday it was that DD shouldn't have spent so much time away from home.

Me being left at 5 on the side of the road selling tomatoes wasn't an issue though because "things didn't happen back then" and "my village wasn't like THAT".

The cognitive dissonance is high with her.

I wouldn't have worried in your shoes. However I do feel concerned about your mother, is she quite well? She saw where and when you dropped your daughter off and knew the other mother was going to bring her home at an agreed time; her reaction is not rational.

I don’t think this is about your parenting of your daughter…. It sounds like your Mum is showing worrying signs of confusion and being irrational and disorientated. I’m afraid my Mum did the same and was eventually diagnosed with dementia… When I think back, I started noticing signs nearly 10 years before she was diagnosed… I was irritated by her behaviour, it didn’t occur to me that things might not be right.