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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC refusing to pay board

51 replies

NowYouTellMe · 26/07/2022 21:03

My teenager has been offered a well paid job (over £20k) and refusing to pay board of £15/wk. What is reasonable?

OP posts:
BongoJim · 26/07/2022 21:19

NowYouTellMe · 26/07/2022 21:15

Also have a car with all related costs

Well they can't afford to run a car if they are saving for a deposit and paying you board, can they?

Georgeskitchen · 26/07/2022 21:19

There's front door, oh and hand in yoir keys on the way out

AllFreeOwls · 26/07/2022 21:21

They pay board or find alternative accommodation. I suspect them looking at how much they alternative accommodation would be will be an eye opener for them.

Ffsmakeitstop · 26/07/2022 21:22

Funnily enough most adults have all these costs. Tell him to pay up or ship out.
My adult dd earns just a bit more than that and has a car and is in the process of buying a flat. Admittedly WFH has helped her save but she's done it on her own and she gives me £150.00 a month.

LockdownLisa · 26/07/2022 21:25

NowYouTellMe · 26/07/2022 21:18

I think it’s naivety rather than spite. It’s a young age to be offered such a generous salary and, straight out of school, it must be a lot to process

I earned a similar (relatively speaking) salary 2 months after my 16th birthday and paid 25% of my net salary to my parents, whilst saving for a deposit. Your child is taking the mick if they think they shouldn't even cover their food bill.

Mummyof287 · 26/07/2022 21:26

Would it help to call it something different, or ask him to pay for specific bills? I remember as a 18yo starting work resenting my parents asking me to pay 'board' as it seemed so impersonal, so I asked to pay 'housekeeping money' to help towards the bills, rather than feeling like I was being asked to pay my parents a fee to live in my own home :-/ We didn't rent though, and there was no mortgage, so I guess it wasn't like there was an option to pay towards those.

Ffsmakeitstop · 26/07/2022 21:31

I also have a ds at home he earns about 26k and gives me £260.00 a month. He did moan when I put it up from £200. So I split everything 4 ways. Mortgage, water, council tax etc and told him to look on it as a house share. He's still better off than moving out.

justfiveminutes · 26/07/2022 21:33

If he won't pay £15 per week rent that's fine, he can buy all his own food instead.

What a brat though. Him saving for a house shouldn't impact you.

CalistoNoSolo · 26/07/2022 21:36

NowYouTellMe · 26/07/2022 21:15

Also have a car with all related costs

So do we all. Pay up or move out. And £60 a month is pathetically low.. that wouldn't even cover food for the month.

Aprilx · 26/07/2022 21:37

I am wondering why everyone is assuming it is a he, is it harder to extract money from sons (I don’t have any).

ZaraSizeMedium · 26/07/2022 21:49

How did the conversation go where they just refused to pay anything?

How is someone with the ability to land a 20k job right out of school so apparently "naive" that they think they just get to live for free with £1400 a month in their pocket, making no contribution to the place where they live whatsoever?

Maybe some of that naivety needs knocking out of them...

"so I've cleared a shelf in the fridge and freezer for you, and that cupboard there, that's yours - you can start buying your own food from tomorrow, you're not to touch ours. I've changed the WiFi password, I'm sure your phone provider can sort something out for you. The washing machine is out of bounds for you but good news - the launderette down the road will do you a service wash for £5.50. Can I suggest you go and get yourself a gym membership because I don't know what you'll do for washing and showering otherwise, obviously you won't be using our electricity and hot water. Here's the local listings for house-shares, you'd better go and have a look at them".

mamabeeboo · 26/07/2022 21:55

Unless you need the money, I'm against charging your children for living in their home. The only exception is if they are pissing the money up the wall.

If they are genuinely saving their money for a mortgage deposit etc then leave them to it.

My parents never charged me for living at home, enabling me to save a nice deposit and I managed to get on the property ladder 4 or so years later. I remain very good with money.

Rainbowqueeen · 26/07/2022 22:13

Look at it this way. If they never have to pay their way, then how will they manage when they are on their own.

The bank won’t care that they run a car. Learning to live within your means is an essential life skill that DC need to learn.

Same with knowing how to run a house, cook clean etc. Will they be going that??

Our grandparents grew up handing over almost their entire pay packets for board.

Original poster
NowYouTellMe · 26/07/2022 22:26

ZaraSizeMedium · 26/07/2022 21:49

How did the conversation go where they just refused to pay anything?

How is someone with the ability to land a 20k job right out of school so apparently "naive" that they think they just get to live for free with £1400 a month in their pocket, making no contribution to the place where they live whatsoever?

Maybe some of that naivety needs knocking out of them...

"so I've cleared a shelf in the fridge and freezer for you, and that cupboard there, that's yours - you can start buying your own food from tomorrow, you're not to touch ours. I've changed the WiFi password, I'm sure your phone provider can sort something out for you. The washing machine is out of bounds for you but good news - the launderette down the road will do you a service wash for £5.50. Can I suggest you go and get yourself a gym membership because I don't know what you'll do for washing and showering otherwise, obviously you won't be using our electricity and hot water. Here's the local listings for house-shares, you'd better go and have a look at them".

I will definitely show this reply to my DC

OP posts:
SpilltheTea · 26/07/2022 22:44

£15 wouldn't even cover his food. What an entitled brat. I'm not much older than him and I moved out at his age. I can't imagine begrudging £60 a month for everything he'd be getting in return. Everyone is saving for a deposit, tough shit. It doesn't mean you get a free ride off your parents.

AliceMcK · 26/07/2022 22:54

Fuck, I paid £30/week in 1992 doing a YTS and 2 other part time jobs.

Original poster
NowYouTellMe · 26/07/2022 23:12

I think I’ve misrepresented the situation somewhat. DC has never had pocket money given, has always had to earn it. Older sibling didn’t have to pay rent after finishing college as wasn’t earning hence wondering why they have to. They’re not spoiled kids by any means...never had more than £100 spent on them on birthday and Xmas as I was a single Mum with no financial support from their father. I’m immensely proud of what my DC has achieved at such a young age and would be very lonely should they move out. I think a fair balance has to be reached by the onus being on saving combined with a contribution to household expenses

OP posts:
Twillow · 26/07/2022 23:15

£15 a week is neither here nor there, I think he's not taking it seriously because it's such a small amount. Mine is a student (with a part-time job) and pays £150 a month.

Cherrysoup · 26/07/2022 23:17

Older sibling not earning is key, he/she IS earning, therefore he/she pays or they can find a rental.

Tinktravels · 26/07/2022 23:20

Do you need the money?
If not don't charge your child to live at home imo

Tothemoonandbackx · 27/07/2022 00:12

Can I come live with you, lol, I'd happily give you £15 a week for a roof over my head if it also involved all the utilities and food. At some point kids need to learn to become adults, and this is unfortunately one of life's lessons, not everything is free!!!!

thegcatsmother · 27/07/2022 00:24

Ds and I earn the same, as we work in the same office. His tithe is £200 per month, which includes lifts to work as he doesn't drive, and it is not doable on public transport. He still manages to save shedloads per month.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/07/2022 00:31

They’re saving for a mortgage deposit so anything paid in rent makes that more difficult to achieve

well they'd better agree to your offer quickly before you change your mind. market rent (+ food, utilites, council tax...) will make it near impossible to achieve.

justfiveminutes · 27/07/2022 06:18

mamabeeboo · 26/07/2022 21:55

Unless you need the money, I'm against charging your children for living in their home. The only exception is if they are pissing the money up the wall.

If they are genuinely saving their money for a mortgage deposit etc then leave them to it.

My parents never charged me for living at home, enabling me to save a nice deposit and I managed to get on the property ladder 4 or so years later. I remain very good with money.

My parents charged me and I was proud to pay it. I thought any friend earning a decent wage and not contributing to their family was a bit pathetic.

One compromise often suggested on mn is to save it for them.

NotSorry · 27/07/2022 06:30

My DD is paying £300 p.m. (was £250 but we increased it due to rising costs) DS2 has just graduated and will also pay that when he starts earning. DS3 is a uni student so pays nothing. DS1 has worked in a different city since he graduated so lived in an HMO for a couple of years and now rents with his girlfriend so he had to pay for everything from day 1. £15 is ridiculously low for that wage