Summer holiday guilt already

[juicylucy34]

I am already falling down the black hole of summer holiday guilt and comparing myself to other families on social media.

I have an 11 year old ds and a 5 month old baby. I don't drive and my dh works full time. I am trying really hard to get us out everyday even if it's just to the park. But compared with friends who are going to theme parks, hiking, holidays abroad, city trips it just feels so naff.

We have a week staycation booked for later on in august. I am also planning on taking both dc to the library, museum, art gallery and local farm. Along with swimming and picnics. Does this sound ok?

I have friends who love posting their days out on social media and I just feel like I can't even compete. I do try and organise things with friends too and sometimes it works out but often they are already busy or end up dropping out last minute. Ds is spending a lot of time on screens and I feel like a failure. I'm up at night with the baby so I'm knackered too. And yes I know it's pointless to compare and that other peoples situations are different. I guess I just wanted to vent.

Join the club ds12 has been on a screen for the best part of the day. Can't really go out because of the weather atm. Feeling a bit rubbish.

To be honest your 11 year old is probably loving the rest having worked hard all year in school. Those kids being dragged everywhere, whilst lovely, may be totally over stimulated.

Could you get your older one signed up for a day camp or two? If finances allow it, that might break it up a bit.

Other than that, I’m sure it’ll get fine. I don’t remember doing anything during the summer from being a kid. My fondest memories are being out playing with my friends Lisa and Stephanie. Does DS have any pals nearby?

You've got a lot on your plate. I'm sure DS is enjoying having down time. I would focus on seeing if you can get some mates over - I know people cancel and plans change - but if you can get two mates over a week that's going to really help.

Can you step away from social media? It's stuff like this that tipped me over to coming off Facebook and Instagram completely.

I understand OP. To preserve my annual leave I'm working from home two days a week so had to let them fend for themselves today and couldn't take them out so felt awful.

They are going to a kids club for a week in august and I've got a week off in august too so will just try and break up the boring days with quick trips to the park.

DH has some time off too to do things with them but we just can't afford all the theme parks, days out etc that others go on and end up costing anything from £50 upwards a day for four of us.

I was a child in the 60’s so we literally didn’t go anywhere. Lots of places like theme parks, summer clubs either didn’t exist or were too expensive for my parents. I had the best summers ever just playing out with my friends.
Has your son got any friends he can invite around and any parks etc they can go to? They will enjoy the freedom more than expensive trips.

All I ever wanted on my summer hols was to eat crisps and watch tele and play out with my friends . Switch off SM.

You’re doing/planning the same as me and I don’t have a 5 month old! I think it’s fine, a good mix of home time, some outings and a uk holiday. I’ve also managed to book a couple of days holiday club but everything else is with me. Also PPs are right, kids need time off after a busy term, mine actually asked “can we not do anything?” this morning, so we didn’t, and it’s been v relaxed. Cut yourself some slack OP, and ignore the SM boasting, you’re doing fine.

Summer holidays, and all that lies therein, are not competitions. Why would you even want to compete, never mind feel like you can't.
Your ideas sound great.
Your DS is 11. Can't he play out/hang round with friends and give you a breather? 🤷

Comparison is the thief of joy.

What @Bednobsbroomsticks says
Not everyone is away all the time and you have a holiday booked. Enjoy every minute of not doing school runs.

Ah just do a few things to mark the summer, and otherwise encourage him to invite friends over, or meet them for rounders etc.

The activities you’ve planned sound totally fine to me - fun actually! - but I do know what you mean about social pressure.

Having a 5 month old means it’s necessarily going to be a quieter summer I would think!

Perhaps you could get your 11 year old doing some chores for pocket money - useful for everyone and good life skills for him! Or designate him this summer’s photographer and journaler - get him to document his and the whole family’s activities through the holidays. A project can help structure the time meaningfully.

You are over thinking.

The entire point of summer holidays is that you do very little.

It is the only time in your life when you shouldn't be forced to stick to a schedule especially if you are between 11 and under 16 when you are too young to get a summer job.

You should really be encouraging your 11 year old to hang out with friends in the day for part of the day. Then from next year if there is reasonable public transport in your area you need to let him get on with it as long as he is back before dark and tells you were he is heading out to.

It sounds fine but it would help enormously if you learnt to drive.

I feel like this a lot but when I do I remind myself of my own summer holidays in the 80's 90's. We'd have a week in the caravan and then we were left to our own devices. No expensive trips, no meals out, no arranged play dates. All I have is happy memories, I don't know what I filled my time with but the freedom of not being in school felt amazing.

Try and stay off social media. Its a head fuck!

It’s not a competition so stop comparing.
Come off social media if you’re getting upset by people posting their days out, it’s really unhelpful when you’re feeling a bit crap.
Don’t punish yourself, you’re doing what you can.
I second the idea of getting a friend round a couple of times a week, digging out some long forgotten games, Chuck some water pistols in the garden and a couple of towels and buckets of water, take your 2 out for a walk (I often incorporate this into a stop off for lunch/ice cream/chips somewhere if it’s a chilled day), have you got a dog that you know and would be happy to walk for a friend?
Honestly, delete social media for a few weeks and just try to enjoy the slower pace of life, it can really liberating. You are doing what you can, that’s enough 💐

@Mellowyell292

We're busy doin' nothin'
Workin' the whole day through

😃

Genuinely am considering deleting social media for the first time. It's draining. I don't want to compete, I don't want to be better than anyone, I just don't want my dc to be the only ones doing bugger all. But as you've all said, it's also a time to wind down and chill so I'll try to embrace the quiet days a bit more.

My dds are 13 and 10. So far they have been to the beach with my mum and had way too much technology!

For as long as i can remember we do one 'big' day out a week. These don't have to cost much but are something different, eg we have got the train or bus to a new/bigger park. By doing 1 a week it spreads it out and I feel like we have done at least 6 nice things.

These holidays our 'big' days are, park/library and seeing a friend, drusillas (clubcard vouchers), day out in town for pride parade with lunch and pier for the 2p machines!, London for museums, cinema to see thor, swimming, day in Southampton inc visiting ikea for a mess around and cheap lunch!

We also don't drive and it has never hindered us getting out and about.

If in future you wanted to do the big days look out for the sun savers days out, we did Chessington and Legoland that way. So was just the cost of travel, dates get booked quickly so worth taking a day out of school if you can!

'Comparison is the thief of joy' is the quote I live by.

Just learn to accept that whatever you do, someone will always come along and top trump you so stop worrying about it. Even those people posting all their great days out on Facebook will be competing with someone until they realise it's all pointless. Enjoy your Summer and remember that quote.

My best memories at 11 was playing outside in the woods with my mates. River hopping riding bikes and making up random shit. I get this generation is a little different but you dont need money to make memories. What you are doing sounds just fine to me.