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AIBU?

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Original poster

What can I do?

17 replies

Tirednurse1 · 26/07/2022 15:32

Posting for advice / here for traffic. Details vague to not be outing.

I’m on an AI holiday abroad (Europe). No issues - my advice required is:

I’ve noticed a couple where I am growing ever concerned for the welfare of the woman. The man is very controlling - gets the woman’s food for her (she’s on salad whilst he has big meals), she doesn’t speak except when he asks her a direct question. At the pool she’s in a very long dress (it’s 35-40 degrees) and looks miserable. The man meanwhile is drinking and checking
out other women, trying to flirt with them etc.
He is English.

Is there anything I can do in this situation? It’s very concerning for this poor woman. No kids on the holiday, just them.

thanks

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 26/07/2022 15:34

Can you try and talk to her, see if she is ok

GrizzlebumsMum · 26/07/2022 15:35

They might not be a couple. He could have hired her. I’ve seen it plenty of times in certain countries I’ve been to. Doesn’t make it right but might explain the behaviour you’re seeing.

LIZS · 26/07/2022 15:35

Did you/they book through the same TO? Maybe comment to the rep that you have safeguarding concerns,

ITUnurse · 26/07/2022 15:43

BlanketsBanned · 26/07/2022 15:34

Can you try and talk to her, see if she is ok

I concerned that this could have serious consequences for her safety. She is only left unattended very briefly

ITUnurse · 26/07/2022 15:44

LIZS · 26/07/2022 15:35

Did you/they book through the same TO? Maybe comment to the rep that you have safeguarding concerns,

I’m not sure as arrived different days. The hotel is an independent one

Original poster
Tirednurse1 · 26/07/2022 15:45

I’m not sure why my username keeps changing

OP posts:
Bonheurdupasse · 26/07/2022 15:58

OP

I understand that the conflation of things looks odd to you but strictly this could be me.
(I don't have a good relationship but definitely no control whatsoever.)
So:

  • I like wearing long dresses, actually they are the nicer ones I've brought over on my sun holiday right now - 30+ degrees. (Yes I'm weird - I also wear tights up to 25 degrees.)
  • this holiday I have tried to only eat salads (not successfully)
  • I can see after a massive fight I'd be in a mood and not talk to himself unless purely to be polite. Conversely, he'd "give up" and go talk to all and sundry.
hatedbythedailymail22 · 26/07/2022 16:02

LIZS · 26/07/2022 15:35

Did you/they book through the same TO? Maybe comment to the rep that you have safeguarding concerns,

What do you think the rep can do? Nothing. Safeguarding concerns mean nothing in this context.

Bindayagain · 26/07/2022 16:06

I would try to follow her into the toilets, she must use them at some point. And then try to strike up a conversation. Or ask her directly if she's ok. Not anywhere the man can hear, obviously.

ITUnurse · 26/07/2022 16:10

Bonheurdupasse · 26/07/2022 15:58

OP

I understand that the conflation of things looks odd to you but strictly this could be me.
(I don't have a good relationship but definitely no control whatsoever.)
So:

  • I like wearing long dresses, actually they are the nicer ones I've brought over on my sun holiday right now - 30+ degrees. (Yes I'm weird - I also wear tights up to 25 degrees.)
  • this holiday I have tried to only eat salads (not successfully)
  • I can see after a massive fight I'd be in a mood and not talk to himself unless purely to be polite. Conversely, he'd "give up" and go talk to all and sundry.

Hi

thanks for your reply. I have considered that on each individual issue it might not mean anything but the three issues together and the fact she looks pale and malnourished does concern me. I do realise however I could be reading too much into it.
In my job I see many poor people admitted to hospital after been beaten black and blue and
not all survive so I can over react I suppose.

Reg The dresses of course she can wear what ever she likes but these aren’t your light maxi dresses, very long, long sleeved and dark colours, look a thick material. Maybe that’s her style but it was this plus the other behaviour that concerned me. We are on day 4 of me observing this

Bindayagain · 26/07/2022 16:14

She could dress the way she does because of body image/eating disorder and it could also be that she doesn't want to eat, hence agreeing to just have salads. Though the likelihood of her being with an abusive man is also there.
I watched a couple on holiday this summer with the woman clearly wiping away tears and the man whispering closely into her ear, seeming very sympathetic but maybe a dick, I thought? I wondered if she needed support. A little while later an older version of the young woman (ie her mum!) appeared and gave her a mobile and she went off talking on it and looking happier. Still don't know what was going on but I'd got hold of the wrong end of the stick completely.

Heatstrokeunsteady · 26/07/2022 16:33

I remember a holiday where I could see the man beating the woman up. Tried to report- nobody cared. Very sad. I mean, who are you going to report it to and what do you expect to happen?

ITUnurse · 26/07/2022 18:01

Heatstrokeunsteady · 26/07/2022 16:33

I remember a holiday where I could see the man beating the woman up. Tried to report- nobody cared. Very sad. I mean, who are you going to report it to and what do you expect to happen?

True, this is why I posted here. Wasn’t sure if there was anything I could do

AppleKatie · 26/07/2022 18:05

The only thing you can do is offer her support outside of his earshot.

you are very unlikely to be able to do anything to help but it might help her to know someone has noticed.

lljkk · 26/07/2022 18:10

. in case OP gets a chat with the lady

ITUnurse · 26/07/2022 19:35

hi,

the woman fainted at dinner which meant I as a nurse could go see her. Man removed from situation to assess her (the same would be true of all my patients).

sadly she is a paid escort and sounds like she does whatever the man wants for a fee. She is from Thailand but lives in the uk. She said she was ok. After lots of water and actual food she was better.

When the man came back I told him she was to have three decent meals a day and unlimited water, and would be observing this. A police officer from the UK (on holiday) who came to help had a word with him.

Whilst I don’t feel to have done enough, I hope that at least improves things slightly. I am glad that poor woman isn’t married to him.

Thanks all

Ishacoco · 26/07/2022 22:29

Well done you for caring and finding a way to help her.

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