Bedwetting/ 5yo/ advice?

[Miriam101]

5 year old still wet every night, in fact does multiple wees. Thought we'd use the summer holidays as moment to bite the bullet and take away the pull-ups. Potty in her room. She was keen to try. We did no water after 6.30 (after making sure she drank lots during the day) and made sure she went to the loo- twice- before bed. Result: three nights, several wees (in the bed!) each night, all bedding changed, etc etc.

She's SUCH a deep sleeper, almost nothing can rouse her. We tried lifting her onto the loo last night and she just slumped over our arms (and didn't wee)- had no memory of it in the morning. She even sleeps through the wet sheets.

WIBU to just put her back in pull-ups and try again in a few months? I have contacted the GP as I know the age for concern is now 5, but I've seen so many people on here say that their kids weren't dry until 6 or 7 but then it magically happened- I don't want to be negligent by not trying anything, but equally it seems her body is just not ready.

I was sure the age for concern about night bedwetting was 7?

Definitely speak to GP if concerned but I was sure that there's some sort of hormone they start producing at around 7 that magically helps it, the lack of it prevents some kids from being able to hold it at night beforehand - don't quote me on it though.

Put her back in pull-ups.
Nighttime dryness is controlled by a hormone. If she's not producing enough (any?) of the hormone, she wont be dry at night.

@ariesalien thanks for replying- they've lowered it now (I'm not entirely sure why!)

My just turned 6 year old son is the same and he is under the continence team (he had some issues with daytime wetting too but fingers crossed that seems to be ok now finally). It is 5 that gets looked at now. My son's on the waiting list to get a bed wetting alarm and the other thing that can be tried is the medication desmopressin. Which we will try if the alarm doesn't work.

If it's only been three nights though I definitely would keep on going for at least a week or two before going back to pull ups. Unless it's distressing her of course. My middle one who is three years younger than the one with wetting issues is already dry at night and that took about a week for him to get the idea.

What does she drink? Have you looked up how much she should be drinking, it's about 1L apparently, my son doesn't drink anywhere near that so we are encouraging drinks and also avoiding dark juices. Also there's a strong link between bedwetting and constipation so you could consider if that's likely to be an issue.

If no progress in a week or two I would contact your school nurse (via the HV team) because they can refer you to continence nurse.

Oh and if you haven't already looked the ERIC website is full of useful information on children's bladder and bowel issues x

I could have written your post, my 5 year old is exactly the same. But her twin has been dry at night for about a year.

I'm not worried though, as my older daughter was the same and by 6 she was fine and dry.

My son was the same. I took him to the GP at 5 who said he'd probably grow out of it at 7 and if he hadn't to come back. At 7 he stopped.

Ours isn't dry consistently at night yet either. We weren't planning on worrying for another couple of years as it seems to be quite common anyway.

So I’ve read a lot of these threads and know the mumsnet wisdom is ‘you just need to wait for the hormone’ and having been through it all with my now 6.5 - I’m not sure that’s entirely helpful advice.

DD was the same as yours and we did what you did a couple of times, no change. I’d bought a bed wetting alarm on Amazon when she was maybe 5.5 (only £45) but decided not to use it, wasn’t convinced it was a good idea. We came across it earlier this year and she was desperate to try it.

3 nights of wetting and being woken by the alarm and it was basically over. Couldn’t believe it. A couple of times since then a bit of a dribble then going to loo, but she’s been dry for 3/4 months consistently. Ultimately I think there is a mix of behaviour as well as the hormone. Initially she was needing the loo often overnight, suggesting she didn’t have enough hormone to suppress urine production overnight, but she was waking to go so that was fine. Over time she wakes less and often sleeps all night now.

In her case, I think the main thing was she was so motivated and wanted rid of the nappies. I’m not sure she did at 5. I think in large part she just couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed and since she was wearing a nappy, would just pee. I mean there are nights I need a pee and would love to have a nappy on rather than get up!!

Thanks for all wisdom Mumsnetters!

@Barrawarra that's great that the alarm worked so well for you, Can I ask if your DD was a particularly deep sleeper? Ours is, and I honestly cannot imagine her stirring!

@Violet1988 I hope your son manages it soon. It's a bit stressful, isn't it? With your middle one, what do you think changed in that week? My problem with carrying on as we have been the past three nights is that she just seems entirely oblivious- totally unconscious for everything. I just can't see how she's going to learn anything!

My son came out of night time pull ups at 8. I wasn't worried as knew it was probably because he was such a deep sleeper. His pull ups were full of wee until all of a sudden he was completely dry for a whole week. Took the pull ups away and continued to be dry with only 2 accidents in 18 months. Your DD is only 5 and probably just not ready yet. It's very normal.

My eldest turned 6 a few months ago and was still soaking nappies. We did clear liquids after 4, no liquids after 6, monitored intake, administered Lactolase for constipation, all sorts. The bedwetting alarm worked in the moment but caused so much distress we packed it in after a few nights - wetting continued.

We then went through the school nurse and were prescribed Desmepressin (sp?) which has worked wonders. 2.5 months in and not a single accident. We'll take a break at the 3 month mark and I really hope that will be it - suspect we'll then to go through it all again, DC2 is nearly 5 and nowhere close to being dry at night!

It is normal, but that doesn't mean it can't be addressed - my eldest is thrilled to be out of pull ups.

Yes, she was/is a v deep sleeper and would lie in it all night when we tried taking nappies away before. I slept in with her and the first 3 nights I needed to wake her when the alarm went off, she didn’t wake herself. After that she started to wake herself. I stayed in room for nearly 2 weeks and noticed that she would become very restless in sleep before needing to pee, but the alarm plus her motivation I think helped train her to rouse when the bladder wanted to empty.

I am unsure when I will try with almost 4yr old - part of me thinks given how well it worked it could be worth a go much earlier, but then it could be a lot of stress when just not ready.

Try speaking to your school nursing team but try not to worry too much, it isn’t uncommon at that age

NO idea if this is helpful or not, but I have 3 DC. No 1 was out of nighttime pullups at 7yrs, because he saw on the label that they only fitted until aged 7. No2 was out at 3 yrs. No 3 was out at just gone 2 and that was because she came out of them during the day and point blank refused to wear them at night. They can be very, very different and all is fine. Try to chill if you can. x

I did the alarm thing too, when my son was 8. Worked like a charm. I’m sure the hormone thing didn’t kick in with my son until he was almost a teenager. But the alarm taught him to wake up when he needed the toilet. He didn’t stop needing the loo once or twice in the night until he was almost 13. All the alarm did was teach him to wake rather than setting the bed.

My child was a bed wetter. It didn't help that they were on melatonin at night too to aid sleep, so would often not even wake up when wet. When they turned 7 we were referred to the bed wetting nurse. We had tried all of the usual suggestions - limit drinks 2 hours before bed, plenty to drink in the day. They were put on desmopressin which initially worked like a dream but after 6 months stopped working. Our nurse recommended the bed wetting alarm, which I was very sceptical about, but it was amazing. I think it took a week or two, and not a single wet night in well over a year now and now wakes up to go to the toilet, despite still taking melatonin to sleep.

Watching with interest as my 5 yo is the same. Gutting because she was dry at night up until a year ago when an illness just broke the good habit. I am also unsure about the hormone (for that reason) so might try the alarm,

A child in my family was like this. Bed wetting alarm has worked brilliantly.

Put her back in pull ups and stop worrying. My DD seemed like she’d never be dry and night - and then suddenly was shortly before she turned 7. Just wait for the hormones to kick in!

The hormones don't always kick in to mean you never wee at night. Some children need to learn to wake when they need a wee at night and this is where bed water alarms help. Plenty of adults get up to wee at night.

My daughter was dry at night at 3, my son…8.5! You can’t night train, it’s a chemical in the brain. Eventually my son was embarrassed by his pull ups at sleepovers etc so we decided to see if we could crack it. We bought washable toppers for his bed so we only had to change that and not all the bedding in case of accidents. We also tried the alarm…he is such a deep sleeper but those things could wake the dead!! 🤣 We did it during a school holiday as we all ended up awake a few times for about 3 nights, the first night I woke up before him each time even though I was in the next room! 🙈😁 But it worked! 👏🏻 However, I really think a lot of it was down to him really wanting it and being willing to persevere. He still has the odd accident now (just turned 11) when really tired and in a deep sleep but I’m talking 2x a year or so. Good luck! X

With my middle one we did day and night toilet training at the same time at about 2yrs10 months. I guess that's why it took a week or so because he was learning it all for the first time. Because we were still having difficulties with the eldest we just decided to try a completely different approach and it ended up working well with him.
The nurse in the continence team suggested to me to do a full week of no nappies and report back. He was five then. We did give up after the week and decided to wait until he wanted to be out of nappies and until he was six he didn't have any interest in trying, even though little brother had already been out of nappies for some time by that point. Just after he was six he wanted to stop wearing nappies and has only occasionally maybe once every two weeks had a dry night.

Night dryness happens when a hormone called vasopressin starts being produced. It happens at different times for different children, sometimes at 6, 7, 8 or even later. It's beyond your control and no amount of training can make a child be dry at night when they aren't physically ready.

My son was 6 and a half when he started being dry at night.

I have two dc one was dry at night by 4 the oldest was nearly 14 before he was completely dry at night. We tried everything the gp and the clinic we were referred to suggested. The only thing that had any success was desomelt. He hit puberty at 13 and suddenly began to be dry unless he was unwell. He had no control over it.