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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel very upset that she is possibly being petty?

23 replies

cathshuck · 18/01/2008 16:55

Ok my dd is 5 months and a few months ago I mentioned christenings to my dh and said to do what I wanted about it so I asked the same god parents as my son has my two oldest friends, my brother and another good friend. Last night dh announced that he only wanted my brother and other good friend. So I tried to get in touch with my friends last night to say would they mind not being official godparents, my one friend yup fine my other friend wont speak to me and isnt responding to any contact. I dont know if I jumped the gun asking them, if dh is being a pain in the backside or if she is being petty. Obviously if she is upset she has every right but its not like her. Am really upset about it. Help?

OP posts:

MaryBS · 18/01/2008 16:59

I think your DH is being a pain, and I can understand your friend being upset, but don't give up on her, it would be a shame to lose a friendship over this.

Why didn't your DH want your friends to be Godparents?

Original poster

cathshuck · 18/01/2008 17:02

He wants them to have different god parents. We had issues with ds christening as he said the same thing and then in the curch on the day When I was asked how many gps we had and said 3 he said actually 4, he had asked his friend without asking me and made me look a right prat. To top it all off his friend hadnt been chrsitened so shouldnt have been one anyway - he didnt tell me that till after!!

OP posts:

MrsEi25 · 18/01/2008 17:07

sounds to me like she is bein a little bit petty so in my opinion YANBU!!
my friend acted like this when i didnt ask her as she had asked me to be her DS's godmother. i felt at the time that she only asked me so i would feel like i had to ask her (i was 16 weeks pg with DD at the time) but i have a large family and so does DH so we couldnt choose a friend over brothers and sisters. she picked a fight with me over not buying her DS a present for his christening when i was 8 months preg even though she knew that she had asked me the day before the christenin to be godmother also to go to the christenin- i didnt even know her DS was being christened til then, and she knew money was tight and i did get a card for him. i thought she was bein very petty.
i understand how you feel and i would suggest that you let your friend calm down and see if she contacts you if not then i would evaluate whether your friend is really a friend to you. HTH
xx ei xx

cornsilk · 18/01/2008 17:09

What a nightmare for you. Your friend is being petty not speaking to you tho' can understand why she's upset. Not your fault tho'.

lulumama · 18/01/2008 17:13

dunno, i would be quite upset if i was asked to be godparent then unasked...but i would respond and talk to my friend

sounds like your DH does not understand how important the godparent issue is..

if you had DH had talked about and agreed this, he is wrong to ask you to retract it, he should have dealt with it

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 18/01/2008 17:52

I think you both should have agreed on godparents before you asked anyone but it is done now.

I also think you should apologise to your friend, explain your husband wanted different godparents and that he has done this without speaking to you about it.

Original poster

cathshuck · 18/01/2008 19:48

I have apologise or attempted to by phone, text and email and she wont respond. I have tried to explain the whole situation to her but hard when as I have just said she wont respond. I wouldnt have gone ahead and arranged goparents if he had not said that I could do what I wanted. I really dont want to lose her as a friend. DH has now realised after just having a long chat how important this is to me and said that he is perfectly happy for me to have them as gp. But if I ask now .. oh I dont know.

OP posts:

helenhismadwife · 18/01/2008 21:00

I can understand her being hurt, why not ask your dh to speak to her and explain especially as he caused the situation

Original poster

cathshuck · 18/01/2008 21:10

Just had a very short to the point email from her saying she understands that we dont want her as dds gp. Just one line and thats it. Have been trying to apologise all evening and Dh has tried to ring and she has cut him off.

OP posts:

2shoes · 18/01/2008 21:54

yabu if someone asked me to be a god parent and then un said it for whatever reason. i would be very hurt and upset. fingers crossed for you that she forgives you.

Original poster

cathshuck · 18/01/2008 22:04

Have cancelled christening - think damage has been done but would rather have a friend than a christening.

OP posts:

2shoes · 18/01/2008 22:06

that is such a shame. I do hope it gets sorted.

Original poster

cathshuck · 18/01/2008 22:08

so do I but my friend has got holding a grudge down to a fine art so am not going to hold my breath. Going to bed now to beat myself up more for being a crap friend - crying is tiring work.

OP posts:

2shoes · 18/01/2008 22:22

helenhismadwife · 19/01/2008 08:39

Dont beat yourself up, I would email her again explaining and saying you have cancelled the christening if she doesnt reply or call you then sorry but she is not a friend worth having. I would be hurt if i was unasked but I know that if I knew one of my closest friends was upset to the point she was crying and was trying to ring me and talk to me about it, I would be very upset on her behalf and definately NOT hold a grudge

cornsilk · 19/01/2008 08:42

cathshuck that's awful! for you.

Trifle · 19/01/2008 09:54

Do you not think that your dh is being a manipulative controlling overbearing bully? He left it to you to sort out the christening which you did then demands changes which for some bizarre reason you obey. He buggered up your first christening and has now done it again. Your friend is not being petty in the slightest and has every right to feel put out. Your husband is an insensitive twat. Do you ever stand up to him?

ComeOVeneer · 19/01/2008 09:58

I'm sorry but I find it a little odd that you have cancelled the christening over this. Do you honestly think that will have any effect on resolving the issue with your friend. Also I assume that you are religious and go to church otherwise what is the point of christening your children and if so then what will you do about the fact you haven't got your child christened?

poppy34 · 19/01/2008 13:57

agree with trifle -can't think your husband is being very unchristian if not a complete arse. Isnt this abotu finding the most appropriate people to help guide your ds as christians rather than those that people like/owe a favour to?

Sorry you're feeling so upset as does seem that dh is cause of why friend is upset -although can see why you would be. I'd be very put out

poppy34 · 19/01/2008 13:58

just to clarify sounded like you;d though through re godparents with your idea about having same for both chilrden -hope you're feeling a little better

Ubergeekian · 19/01/2008 14:58

Hmm. The godparents were to be "my two oldest friends, my brother and another good friend", and the good friend was a late addition the last time by your husband? So you choice was your two oldest friends and your brother ... isn't that just a wee bit lopsided?

Original poster

cathshuck · 19/01/2008 18:36

Not when he says he doesnt want to be involved knows the choices and then kicks off when its all arranged. Luckily have sorted things out with my friend - she has been a lot more understanding than I think I deserve but at least its sorted out. Thanks for all your thoughts.

OP posts:

Ubergeekian · 19/01/2008 21:07

Fair enough. I just wondered if he felt the whole thing was getting rather lopsided, even if he wasn't too bothered by it. Glad it's all sorted.

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