30th birthday

[Sunnylands27]

AIBU to feel a little put out that my partner has nothing planned for my 30th birthday? I feel like I probably am & trying to shake it off. He never makes an effort, usually it’s an Amazon parcel still in its box given a month after my birthday & he doesn’t do gifts at Xmas which is fine as it’s an expensive time but I’d like a little effort for what I consider to be a milestone birthday. My wonderful mum has booked a meal for me, DP, our daughter, my siblings and her / her partner - mums are just the bloody best <3
Anyway, thought perhaps DP might have planned to go somewhere or give me an hour without our 1yr old to get pampered or do something by myself but he has just informed me he’s seeing his friends on thurs/fri and playing golf sat/sun so I can’t even go to the dentist without having to ask MIL to have our daughter for an hr.. clearly he’s got nothing planned.
I thought maybe I could just meet the girls for drinks or try to do something myself but I’ve got our 1yr old so would need to be kid friendly really.
Thoughts or ideas on how to keep cool & enjoy your birthday regardless of plans?

He sounds like an utterly shit partner and your expectations are way too low OP.

You shouldn't have to, but what's stopping you organising a babysitter/family to look after the baby and have a night out with your friends?

I agree with you - your partner is a twat. The absolute least anybody could do as the OTHER PARENT OF A SMALL CHILD is say 'hey, you're off duty, crack and on do whatever you want to do for a day, I'll pick everything up'.

And he doesn't buy presents - what, ever? How long have you been together?

You're not even 30 and you're already caught up in this horrible Mobius loop with an arsehole who would rather see his friends or play golf than spend time with his family. How sad.

Make plans! And tell him golf is off as you're out with the girls.

Grasping desperately at straws - is golf a cover for something?! Maybe a surprise?

Tbh how long has he been like this? Some people just don't get gift giving / surprises / birthdays / Christmas, and that's just how they are. If he's making no effort or changes then tbh you know what to expect, if you're not happy with it you need to either give an ultimatum or stop caring 🤷🏻‍♀️ it sounds harsh - but if people don't want to change, you shouldn't be wasting your energy feeling rubbish about it.

Thoughts or ideas on how to keep cool & enjoy your birthday regardless of plans?

Don't keep your cool. Tell him you're annoyed and tell him exactly what you want. His plans don't seem like set on stone plans so surely he can re arrange....but only if you tell him what you want.

I’d make this the last birthday you are together for tbh

Completely agree.

OP please realise that you deserve someone to make a fuss and buy you presents for your birthday - that's v normal and for Xmas too - the expense that you mentioned is his bullshit excuse I'm sure.
Start expecting more for yourself - it's not unreasonable.

I hope to God you don't do anything for his but I have a feeling you probably do.

I’d leave him - seriously.

if he makes this little effort for a big birthday i highly doubt he is great in other areas

Are you me OP??!!
I have a shit DP, he just doesn't 'do' gifts celebrations! For anyone, himself included!!!
I wouldn't end your relationship!
I just have learnt to adapt, don't wait about and take control!
You want a dinner out - book it and tell him
Gift? Send him the link or threaten to take him out shopping!!
We have a DD coming up 3, I take her to the shop on Mother's Day and she helps me choose flowers! If he has bothered it's just a bonus!
Just do you!
It's a weight off my shoulders and countless arguments avoided!

He sounds pretty grim going.

Yabu to expect him to be anything other than useless tbh

@jenn88 The answer is not to just lower your expectations like you have; unless you genuinely don’t care at all about presents but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case

Why are you even with someone like this after the first shit birthday or Christmas?

🥴 He sounds thoughtless and seems to lack any sort of imagination. How did he woo you into sticking around exactly??