To be really scared of motherhood?

[choolaboola]

Hi all.

Firstly, apologies if this is triggering or upsetting to anyone who is TTC - it isn't my intention at all to upset anyone!

I'm 37, recently married and 13 weeks pregnant. I wanted kids to some degree, but never felt maternal (at all) I just felt at some point I would be "ready". I have a history of cyst/ovary issues and I felt like I was going to struggle getting pregnant however it happened very quickly.

I feel awful admitting this but I am scared of being a mum - I'm worried about work, childcare, never having my own space anymore etc. This is selfish - I know that. But I can't help how I feel? That being said, if anything happened to the pregnancy then I know I would be upset. All good in my relationship. I know I'm no spring chicken, I couldn't really wait much longer (or so I thought fertility wise)

Anyway I suppose the point of my post is I'm wondering if anyone felt the same? And how did it go once you had the baby? Is it normal to feel like this? I don't want to say it out loud for fear of what it sounds like!

I think being scared is normal. It is a big change. Life will never be the same again but there will be lots of new found joy. It's early days but if it makes you feel less worried may be think about childcare arrangements now, give some thought to work and how you may be want that to look, it might all change once baby arrives but its good to do practical. I was worried about how life would change going from 1 child to 2 but its all worked out. Dd2 is nearly 5 now and am so pleased we had her, she is a delight. Being an older mum is fine too, had dd2 at 39. They keep you young and active. Good luck with everything.

Hi I have a 10 week old, it's bloody hard. I have no time at all to myself, I'm tired, body is knackered but it's so so worth it. She's beautiful and when she smiles my heart could explode. Whenever I feel like I'm going to lose it and cry I just look at her and think how she is completely reliant on me and how amazing it is that she is here (IVF baby). I had a pretty tough pregnancy and first week after birth but I've got years to heal and fix that crap but only months of having a little baby, the time just flies. You'll do great and before you know it your baby will be grown up x

I felt the same as you. I never knew if I really wanted kids and I worried endlessly about work, childcare, lifestyle. I felt sick when I found out I was pregnant despite trying. I had a mc and after that became obsessed with getting pregnant again, eventhough I still wasn't sure I really wanted it?! Which I know sounds crazy.
I had my baby last year (having never held a baby my whole life) and I honestly absolutely love it. She's my world. I'm pregnant again now and cannot wait this time.
I did try to prepare as much as possible by reading loads and loads about what having a baby is actually like (birth to childhood). It really helped and it's the reason the lifestyle change wasn't such a shock! I still do things for me and that really helps. Best of luck.

There are 2 billion mothers in the world, all coping one way or another.

Sounds totally reasonable. Even as somebody who had always been certain she really, really, really wanted a baby and moved heaven and earth to make it happen, I still had some moments.

I still question if I'm ready to be a mum and my kids are 9 and 7 years old.

The worries never really stop TBH, they just change as your child gets older and as life throws things at you. You generally manage, things take a bit more planning and organising with a baby. But it doesn't last forever and by the time they get to my kids age, life gets easier. You just wing it most of the time. If the day ended with everyone fed and cleaned, it was a success.

I was worried that I wasn't very maternal. My relationship with my own mum wasn't great and my worst fear was being like my own mum. But I have tried my best to be the kind of mum I wanted to have. I've also recently found out my eldest son is autistic. Based on what we have found out about autism, a lot of my mum's behaviour now makes a lot more sense. I am maternal with my own kids. I would literally die for them but I still don't particularly like or enjoy other people's kids. So don't let that make you worry that you won't do a good job with your own kids.

My post is not what you want to hear but - its shit, exhausting, relentless, horribly expensive and very often very boring and tiresome.

Its also quite miraculous to have your own person to love utterly.

I felt very similar to you. Having my child was not easy, I was very depressed in the beginning. The sleep deprivation was awful... However, somehow I survived and my child is thriving. Also, I am a pretty decent mum despite not having one single maternal bone in me before.